Thread by @gboukzi

Challenge accepted.

https://twitter.com/Hayzaelicious/status/1176547984101822465

I'm my experience, average guy does care about a lot of things. He's content with holding his side, and doesn't worry about a lot of stuff, many of which he deems are simply not important enough for him to spend mental energy worrying about.

If you should buy a dress. What clothes you should wear to work. Which of the 5 gorgeous shoes you just found on ASOS should you buy. I mean, all the shoes are gorgeous and you chose those 5 for a reason, so why do I need to mentally stress about which one YOU should buy?

You can literally do "eenie meenie mannie mo" and pick a random dress to buy or wear to work, or buy whichever of the shoes you randomly choose. Etc etc. Things like that. But guys do it because somehow, women think that helping with these decisions are things their men must...

...do. Many men would literally prefer to spend time sleeping or on Netflix, than on these kinds of decisions. Unfortunately, when you're not as enthusiastic about these things and the like, your woman thinking "you don't care about things that concern me."

You can lie in the same bed, & you guys are together but doing different things, & you may not talk for several hours even though you're lying on each other on the same bed; this is perfectly fine for many men, but women will start thinking "He doesnt want to spend time with me."

Many men don't care about going fine dining, trying out food, going to concerts together, etc etc. I just wan dey house lie down for bed and watch Power or Shark Tank dear. But to a lot of women, this means "he doesn't want to do things together with me."

We do many of these things because we went you to be happy. Left to many men, there are a lot of things that will not be happening, and it doesn't mean we love you any less...or that we have side pieces. Like my man @ToluBablo opined a few days ago; you people want us to be...

...doing the things you like, because you think somehow, they should make us happy. The extra stress that comes with having to show excitement about these things because we know it will make you happy is really a lot, and if many men were being honest, they would rather not.

Also, many times, many of you women express your concerns by accusation, which are largely baseless. But when men disagree with you and you're taken to task regarding what you're saying, especially because your narration of events is inaccurate, you start to complain that...

...the man is not listening to you; because your idea of having a conversation is when the man agrees with everything you have said, even when you're narrating events that caused the fight inaccurately. The capacity of many of you to have conversations about issues and agree...

...you remembered something wrong, or that the fact that you say something doesn't make it true and absolute, because there are two sides to every issue, is not a lot; so when your man disagrees with you, it becomes "He never listens to me"

You people seem to think that...

...your complaints should be facts and absolute, there's no space for critically analysing what you're saying, and understanding that there may be gaping plotholes that don't make much sense in the larger context of what you're saying.

It is either your way or the highway.

So rather than introspect and slowly begin to understand things better, you start keeping quiet because you think the guy will think you're nagging, then you start exhibiting passive aggressive attitude, which is a form of emotional/mental manipulation.

Also, there are those of you who accuse your man or things you yourself are guilty of. But somehow, you don't see that. Where is the moral justification to be accusing your partner of something you're guilty of in the relationship? It's all sooooo stressful so when guys say...

...they want "peace of mind" in a relationship, they mean not having to deal with your passive aggression because you have decided that they did something wrong and your confirmation bias has led you to arrive at conclusions that don't make sense when your arguments are...

...critically analysed, because there will be specific scenarios or events that you have left out of your complaint because they don't support the narrative you have decided to promote.

Shout out to the queens who aren't guilty of these things, or those who listen and modify their character and attitude accordingly. We appreciate you guys. But, fact is there aren't many of you guys.

Also, there are A LOT of things that men can start complaining about in a relationship, but they don't because those things are not really important in the larger scheme of things, and they want peace to reign. If we started complaining about every single thing the way many...

...of you guys do, there'll be no relationship. Because we go dey fight all the time. Subliminally, many men expect that you won't pick an issue with EVERY. SINGLE. THING. that you think is wrong. It's tiring, especially when it is oh don't give your man the benefit of the doubt.

So when men say they want "Peace of Mind", these are the things they are referring to.

I had to do this at great risk to myself for obvious reasons, but I feel like it is a conversation that you women need to have with yourselves often if you really want your man to have peace.

No dey dey passive aggressive.

Dey dey open to conversations, and come to said conversations with the mind that you may be wrong.

No dey stress the little things all the time, sometimes let things go and don't dwell too much on them.

Understand how your man is wired...

...differently from you, and adjust accordingly; We don't always think the same way and we don't decide on actions/inactions the same way.

We have different stressors and worries, we just don't want the women we love to add to these things.

And MOST IMPORTANTLY, if your man has been complaining about the same things over and over again, and has explained to you why it doesn't work fpr/with him, you will do well to listen and modify. Otherwise, make everybody dey their dey.

That's it.

Peace, Love and Chicken Grease. ✌🏿

By the way, this is not suggesting that men are perfect, far from it. We get issues too, just like every other human being. But some of us listen and modify our bevaviour when you mention them. I don't think it is too much to ask for the same courtesy from you women.