, 21 tweets, 6 min read
1. Welcome to today's edition of the White House Daily #shadowbriefing. The only White House briefing available during the short period, now over 200 days, while the White House ha suspended doing real briefings. For those new to these briefings, the questions are real
2. but the answers are somewhat foreign for the Trump administration because they're the truth. So let's get going. Let me start with the week ahead, the President's schedule for next week. On Monday the President will launch a new unfounded attack on Joe Biden and family
3. I don't want to get ahead of the President but this one will be short on facts, but long on new crazy conspiracy theories. On Tuesday the President will launch a $10 million negative TV and digital campaign sliming Biden and Elizabeth Warren. On Wedsday, the @realDonaldTrump
4. @potus will stand in front of Marine One and launch a straightforward anti-Semitic attack on Adam Schiff and George Soros. Editors note, the President isn't actually going anywhere, he will return to the Oval after the attack and Marine One will return to Anacostia.
5. On Thursday, the President will take advantage of the warm weather and play golf at one of his golf clubs. He reserves the right to make up something about Nancy Pelosi on the way to the car. And on Friday, @realDonaldTrump will hold a press conference where he only
6. takes questions from Fox News and glares sternly at Jeff Mason of Reuters. It will be intimidating, it will expose fake news and it will drain the swamp all at once. The President will also be calling the leaders of Poland, Estonia and Nigeria. Those will be campaign calls
7. so I'd refer you to the campaign for a readout on those. With that, let's get right to questions. Q. How is the President reacting to the text messages released by the House Intel Committee. A. Honestly, at first the President was a little worried about them. But then he
8. saw Little Marco Rubio's comments about China and was reassured. Marco said @realDonaldTrump only said China should investigate Biden to ding the press and get them all worked. The President thought that was brilliant spin and instructed White House staff to say the House
9. only released the the text messages to ding the President and get him all excited. Now he loves to get excited so he loved the House prank and say he loves the "joshing" that goes on between him and Schiff. I should note that he then said if that doesn't work, say they are
10. fake tweets reported on by the fake news. And if that doesn't work try juggling some fire burning batons to see if that distracts everyone. Q. The President has launched a new commercial saying only a tough guy like him can drain the swamp and fix Washington. Is that the
11. the new White House defense? A. Of course it is, why else would we do the commercial. That's a clown question bro. Listen, we tried saying it wasn't true after we said it was true. Then we tried the whistleblower relied on hearsay. Then. we tried sliming the whistleblower
12. and that didn't work. So with left with only the truth. The President did it, he'd do it again, he'll expand the number of countries he will put pressure on and it demonstrates how tough he is on the swamp. Now creating a new reality isn't that easy. That's why the
13. the reelect is going to be making a $500 million ad buy to get this fairy tale, I mean narrative out there. it will overwhelm the fake news media. By the end of the first wave, I expect Nancy Pelosi will be impeached. Q. Is there anything in these ads that's the truth?
14. A. I mean what really constitutes the truth anymore. That's really the lasting legacy of the President. The truth is what you pay for, not what really happened. That was the case in 2016 and will be the case in 2020 whatever the cost. Q Will the White House respond to
15. Congressional subpoenas? A. Are you kidding me, we're not turning over a thing. The guy who recommended releasing the phone transcript is in witness protection right now. Our plan is to stonewall, then stonewall some more and finish by more stonewalling.
16. The President made clear today that he knows he'll be impeached by the House and that's cool because he's got the Senate all locked up. So what's the point in producing any evidence when you've already bought off the jury?
17. Q. What is the role of @VP in this scandal. A. Pretty simple --he's the fall guy. You have to sacrifice someone in scandals like this to show fake concern and Mikey will be the guy. It's actually an opportunity for the President as he was going to dump him for Nikki
18. anyway. Q. What about the criticism coming from Senator Mitt Romney? A. He's a loser so we don't care. He was beat by Obama who wasn't even born in the US. What a loser. He also stores a bunch of dry food in his basement and wears real underwear. @potus said he's not
19. not even worth making fun of. Q. The President raised a staggering $125 million in the last quarter. Is he actually benefiting from all this. A. Of course he is. I'm not supposed to tell you but he gets 20% of every dollar raised as a commission. So he's very happy
20. Q. On the week ahead, are you telling us everything he's up to? A. Of course not. He'll have some secret meetings planning new crimes that won't come out for several months. Happy to do some background briefing though if you guys want to get ahead of those stories.
21. A little hint, think more sexual assault stores and attacks on people with disabilities. Been a busy week and a good one for the President. So let me get out of here before my nose grows any longer. Have a great weekend and keep America corrupt.
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