, 22 tweets, 6 min read
1. Welcome to today's White House Daily #shadowbriefing
It's hard to believe but it's been 210 days since the last White House briefing. Since the last briefing, the President has committed 34 impeachable offenses, told 4382 lies and spent 632 hours on the phone with Rudy.
2. But not to worry, the shadow briefing is here to answer all of your questions. We do our best to curate the most important questions of the day and then do something almost unheard of these days --we answer them with the unvarnished truth. Yep, that's our brand, the truth.
3. And yes, we think you can handle the truth. So let's get right at it. Let me start with a readout of this morning's national security meeting on Turkey, Syria and the Kurds. I guess the best way to describe it was chaotic and disorganized. There were several factions
4. represented. There was the I told you so caucus who passively reminded the President that he never should have sold out the Kurds to Turkey and to Russia. There was the syncophants who told the President how great he was at every turn. And then there were the group who
5. asked repeatedly, what's a Kurd. Will they help us win Wisconsin one asked. The President for his part let the discussion go for a few minutes before cutting it off. He told the group that Vlad had told him to let Turkey invade and slaughter our allies in this fight, the
6. Kurdish rebels. Vlad explained to the President it would increase Russian influence in the region and probably lead to the reconstitution of ISIS. Trump simply told Vlad --Dah, comrade. What happened next was completely unexpected. Several Republican leaders on the Hill
7. publicly criticized the President for his decision. Now there isn't a contingency plan at the White House for when Republican leaders criticize the President, because, well we never thought it could happen. We also don't have a contingency for global climate change, btw.
8. So the President decided to put out a strong statement to make sure Turkey got the message not to attack the Kurds and respect America's influence in the region. Lots of tough language was proposed threatening Turkey and defending the Kurds that was rejected. The President
9. chose to go with it was a mistake and we did not endorse it. Well that scared the pants of Turkey as they continued to bomb residential areas of northern Syria. So that's the readout, let's get to questions. Q. Tens of thousands of Kurds have lost their lives fighting
10. our fight to defeat ISIS. How could @realDonaldTrump in good conscience abandoned them. A. Let's be clear, you can't use the words good conscience and Donald Trump in the same sentence. Nope, you just can't do it. @realDonaldTrump has no conscience, so this was a no
11. problem issue for him. I hope that clears things up a bit. Q. It's not clear anyone else in the Administration was either involved in or supports @Potus decision. A. That's right. No one was involved. The President free-lanced on this one. And everybody except for Mick
12. thinks it's dangerous and wrong. Mick doesn't really think much, he just gestures a lot and tells the President he's right. Q. Has the President communicated with Russian President Putin at all in the last few days? A. He has, but that's all on the secret server now so
13. I can't access it. Q. Based on the letter from the WH counsel yesterday, it appears the President has no intention of ever cooperating with Congress. A. That is exactly right. This is the full stonewall, they get nothing, ever. Unless they're willing to storm the gates
14. they'll never see a document. Q. If you're innocent, why not cooperate. A. Because we're not innocent dummy. We're guilty as sin and if they ever get the documents or testimony we'll be cooked, hung out to dry, dead and buried...do I need to go on? Q. What is Gowdy's
15. role going to be. A. Given Rudy has been deemed crazy, we need someone new to go out and lie for the President. Gowdy is our guy. Q isn't he an odd choice, given his role in Congressional oversight. A. What's congressional oversight?
16. Q. Does the White House think Lindsey Graham is the best defender up on the hill given all the speeches he made in 1998 about what impeachment is really about. A. Yeah we've thought a lot about that. The guy has no credibility with anyone with a brain but he's such a sad sack
17. and we really don't think any of our base have a brain so on balance we find him useful. But I got to tell you , we love getting the old TIVO clips of him out form 98 and having a big old laugh at his expense. Man was he fired up and man was he full of shit.
18. Q. If Pelosi agrees to have a vote, will you fully cooperate with the House inquiry? A. Of course not, we'll never cooperate, we're not stupid despite how it looks from the outside. We're not playing three dimensional chess here, this is checkers, plain and simple.
19. Do you have any idea what @PressSec is up to these days. Or that guy Gidley's heroes or even @KellyannePolls We haven't seen any of them lately. A. No big story here, they have not abandoned the President. He just thought since they working so hard, on their resumes,
20. that now was a good time to take a vacation. A long one. Q. What role is the campaign playing the defense. A. Umm, you've seen the ads, they are the defense. That's it. the Campaign and Don Jr. and his brother, that's it. Q The President accused Obama of inventing ISIS
21. by pulling out of Iraq. Isn't he doing the same thing here? A. @realDonaldTrump has been clear. ISIS can only be invented by someone who is a Muslim and was not born in the US. Now he's not suggesting anything and doesn't want to stir that up again, but he's not Muslim
22. and was born in Queens. So draw your own conclusions. Q. There is new reports that the President sexually assaulted over 40 women. Any reaction from the President? A. He said he moved on them like a bitch. Draw your own conclusions and have a good day.
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