, 25 tweets, 6 min read
1. Welcome to an early morning special weekend edition of the White House Daily #shadowbriefing. For more than 200 days the White House Briefing has been held hostage without a ransom note. We're here filling the breach with the right questions and honest answers.
2. We were not able to brief yesterday because your shadow briefing was on special assignment in Vienna. It has nothing to do with Rudy, really, just a really big coincidence. Incidentally, it's a lot more expensive to buy one way tickets. Anyway, I digress. A big day
3. for the President yesterday. Let me start with one item. Many of you ask me day after day if the President ever tells the truth. Well yesterday he did when he said "foreign countries are looking at us and they think we're crazy" Hard to argue that's not the truth.
4. Now let's get to questions. Q. How damaging was Ambassador Yovanovitch's testimony yesterday to the President. A. Devastating. First she laid bare the the absurdity of current US foreign policy under @realDonaldTrump Second, she testified in detail highlighting the
5. pervasiveness of corruption in the White House and State Department. But most importantly, she actually testified in defiance of the White House ban. She showed everyone else in the government that you can go to the Hill and tell the truth and @POTUS can't do a damn thing
6. it. Now @realDonaldTrump has dealt with a variety of impotency, but this is one he is having real trouble dealing with. Q. Are you expecting further damaging testimony from Administration officials? A. Of course we are. Why wouldn't you testify now. I hear @PressSec
7. is even considering doing a briefing that will be her version of testimony. Now, even I'd tune in for that one. The only thing keeping some from testifying is their too busy leaking to the press right now. It's not like the rats are fleeing a sinking ship, it's like therats
8. are driving the ship. The good news is the President has a plan. Expect a series of snitches get stitches tweets later today. Q. Is Rudy still the President's lawyer. A. Let's be serious, Rudy was never the President's lawyer. The President is the President's lawyer,
9. just like the President is the President's Press Secretary. Now back to Rudy. The President is not sure at this moment which Rudy you are referring to. He knows lot's of Rudy's, it's one of his favorite names, and he gets pictures with lots of people he doesn't know.
10. He also illegally conspires with lots of lawyers that he doesn't really know and who don't really work for him. Some of them are already in jail and some soon will be. So, what I'm saying is it's impossible to answer the question of whether Rudy is the President's lawyer.
11. I guess it kind of depends on how you define is. And as to whether he knows Rudy, do you ever really know someone? Next question. A. Will the President pardon Rudy? A. The President doesn't know Rudy but will review his file if it ever gets to his desk. He's thinking of
12. doing a special Christmas pardon lottery where former officials of the Administration can randomly be selected for pardons. He's also considering a secret Santa pardon thing where every White House staffer gets to pardon one other person in the White House. Cool huh?
13. Q. The President had a pretty tough day in court yesterday with an astounding 5 rulings going against him and his policies. Does the President have a reaction? A. He thinks he may need a new Department of Justice since they went 0 for 5 yesterday, or may have to take a
14. more extreme measure of abolishing the court system. He was particularly upset with the decision to turn over his tax returns. As his body language has indicated since he took office, there is a lot hiding in those returns and making them public could make the Ukraine
15. issue look like very small potatoes. At the root of it, the President believes that if you are smart enough to cheat the government out of paying any taxes, you should not be penalized by making that public. He's also concerned, not for himself, but for all the other
16. money launderers out there who might get swept up in this. Money laundering is the key reason the underground black market economy works. And that economy is what's made his friends in Russia rich and what has financed his lifestyle for the past 4 decades. This is really
17. bad news for @realDonaldTrump He's ok with the policy rebukes since he doesn't really care or understand the policies anyway. Q. Does the President have a reaction to Shepard Smith's on air resignation yesterday? A. Yes, he thinks it's one thing Bill Barr got right this
18. week and the only reason he's kept his job. Well maybe not the only reason, he understands Fred Flintstone Barr might have a little leverage on him. But he loved that Barr could go to Rupert Murdoch's house and get immediate results. He also loved that it all got reported
19. on in public..sends a great message about loyalty. Q. At a rally in Minnesota the President playacted a conversation between two FBI agents having phone sex. He even seemed to be simulating an orgasm. Is that appropriate for the President? A. The President believes he
20. should always share his expertise with the country. And there is no one in America who has more experience with fake orgasms than @realDonaldTrump Q. The President's Acting DHS has resigned. What message does that send. A. The message is, to amend a previous statement,
21. that some of the rats are fleeing the ship. Q. The President pulled out of Syria leading to a slaughter of Kurds yet is sending many more troops now to Saudi Arabia. How does he explain that to the Kurds. First, the Saudis were at Normandy and in Korea and Viet Nam.
22. they've always had our back especially during the two oil embargoes and countless recessions they caused by jacking up the price of oil. But more importantly, they are currently bailing Jared out of another disastrous real estate deal and they needed something in return.
23. If you thought Jared was terrible at everything he touches in government, that's nothing compared to how bad he is at real estate. Everyone wants to do a deal with him because everyone makes out well except for Jared. Except Jared then can use America foreign policy
24. to bail him out. Pretty cool. Q. There are more whistleblowers coming out. Reaction? A. There all partisan and have no first hand information. Q. You don't even know who they are? A. Yeah that's true, but I wanted to give you guys a head start on our reaction so you
25. could take some time with your families this weekend. We're family friendly at the White House. Have a great weekend, and don't worry, the corruption and the abuse of power will still be here when you get back on Monday.
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