, 17 tweets, 7 min read
I was raised with a lot of the toxic ideals of #purityculture, and these heavily impacted me. It also left me feeling pretty crappy about myself after experiencing #assault at a young age, and severely unprepared for certain adult situations. /2
There was a time when I was trying to break away from those #purityculture ideals, and had found someone I thought really cared about me and my family. /3
Most of the time I felt safe with this person, while our friendship was becoming more I hadn’t told them about my previous assault. Still, I thought it was good that they always seemed to make sure I was comfortable around them. /4
However, when the relationship started getting more physical, this wasn’t always the case. But my young naive self thought that because they cared for me nothing bad would ever happen. /5
Eventually this led to a situation where the other person became more of what I think they thought was “passionate” but it was forceful and scary. /6
I asked if we could leave soon and spoke up for myself. The person stood up in the doorway and “explained” why we should stay. /7
They weren’t listening to me, and in that moment I realized in that moment how much bigger than me they were. I realized their new car didn’t have the old plates on it. I realized that nobody I knew knew where this persons new apartment was. /8
I did things I didn’t want to do because I was terrified of getting out of the situation alive even though they had never been mean or violent towards me before. & I felt the situation was my fault because #patriarchy + #purityculture taught me I make men lust uncontrollably. /9
Now some may say “well that person didn’t know what was going through your head! How were they to know?”
My voice was cracking.
I asked to leave.
My entire body was shaking.
I couldn’t look at them.
I didn’t say another word until I got home.
This person may not have had mal-intent in the moment, but they KNEW something was up because they asked me weeks later if I had been ok that day. Their personal gratification in the moment had been more important and taken center stage. /11
I later broke off the entire relationship with the person and they were upset and angry about it. I was SO fearful of them and what they might do- even though I was miles away, I could feel that anger through the phone. /12
Because #purityculture taught me women were responsible for men’s feelings, emotions, and for leading men on, I broke down over everything I did wrong and the pain I was causing them. I didn’t start to work through that until almost a year later. /13
#Consent isn’t just asking yourself “Will this person let me stick parts of my body in theirs?”

Consent is having mutual respect for each others bodies, verbally asking if everything is good and/or being attentive to your sexual partners physical and verbal responses. /14
You can be in the throws of passion and still check in on how your partner is doing- in fact, making sure they feel comfortable and safe with you is probably the sexiest thing you can do in the moment.

That’s all I have for today’s #storytimethread. Remember- #consent is #sexy and #purityculture and #patriarchy are trash. 16/16
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