, 20 tweets, 3 min read
This is the story of Poo Nan, or as she calls it “my 9/11”.
It was September 11, 2001, aka September 11.

My Nan went swimming for fun. It wasn’t disrespectful, she didn’t know 9/11 was about to happen.
She gets in the pool. Everything seems normal. But, unbeknownst to her, someone has forced a shit out in the pool.
And it’s bobbing around in there
Poo nan likes to do breaststroke, so she too is bobbing around in there.
She bobs up, she breathes, she bobs down again. She bobs, she breathes.
At some point during this, she bobs close enough to the poo and it goes right in her mouth.
She swallows most of it, but enough evidence is left over for her to realise she has in fact swallowed some poo poo.
She gets out, absolutely livid and ready to complain. But when she does, everything is eerily quiet. Too quiet.
Maybe she thinks “perhaps they heard about the pool shitter” I don’t know
She goes to complain, and sees the events on a tv screen and thinks “I can’t complain about someone shitting in my mouth, not now, I’ll look like a dick, thanks, terrorism has won”
So she goes home and tells grandad and he looks at her like “yeah ok someone shit in your mouth but a second plane has just hit one of the towers, good god what is wrong with you Janine”
“Now is not the time”
And so she has to sit there all day, mainly horrified about 9/11 but also horrified that someone shit in her mouth and she ate it
And from then on whenever someone mentions 9/11, eg on the anniversary, she’ll be like “I actually swallowed a poo on that day in the pool it was really distressing” whilst people look at her like “why are you bringing this up, people died”
And she tells people, and I’m quoting here, she feels she’s been robbed of “*my* 9/11”
To people asking if this is a metaphor for brexit, no it is just an event, a thing that happened betwixt poo nan and some poo
Losing a lot of followers here. Apparently people like depressing jokes about Brexit but not stories about how nans got shit in their mouth on 9/11. Noted.
Whilst you’re all here why not check out my book.

It too is hilarious and at times absolutely disgusting.
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