For those new to #10Queries, these are anonymous tweets that don't give away whose query it is. This way, we can give advice that will help lots of #AmQuerying writers. If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! #RevPit
Q1 Digging the dark premise and antihero, but it's hard to find the plot. What actually happens? You're trying too hard to sell the reader. My best advice: Write more simply. Focus more on plot & stakes. Don't try so hard to make it sound like a movie trailer #RevPit #10Queries
P1 ☑️ Starts in scene with MC. 1st sentence has great hook, gets reader asking Qs. But it feels like you're trying to get too much in. 1st 2 pgs needs more orientation. After that, voice shifts--feels like a different character. Simplify & limit * transitions #RevPit #10Queries
Q2 1st thing I notice: no age category. A lot of different elements, and it's not clear how they work together. It's a little confusing. But there's So. Much. Promise. If you can bring this together better, I think you might have something here! #RevPit #10Queries
P2 Yep, pgs confirm this story is 🔥! Jumps right into scene w/MC, setting, worldbuilding. I'm oriented AND intrigued. Voice feels YA. Is that the age category? Writing is good; just needs some tightening. I'm itching to make line notes (that's a good thing!) #RevPit #10Queries
Q3 Strong query! I'm hooked. Great premise, strong plot + stakes. Level of *right kind* of detail pulls me in ASAP. Great, simple bio for unpubbed author. But no age category (presume adult) and low-ish word count for genre (if A). Makes me want to read more! #RevPit #10Queries
P3 Not sure this is the best place to start. Need to get to know MC a little, to connect emotionally, before we jump into big conflict. Start 2 steps back from here--what was MC doing right before this? Also, deepen the POV so we really get into their head #RevPit #10Queries
Q4 If you personalize, make it personal. Nice focus on MCs and stakes, but we don't get much plot. There's still room to address it. I'm not sure that this is the right age category. If it is, the word count is too low. Either way, you may need to adjust ages. #RevPit #10Queries
P4 Opening scene sets the tone, but we don't meet MCs in the pages so we don't get a chance to connect with them. Get into a scene faster and focus less on set up and backstory. Where can you start *with* MC? #RevPit #10Queries
Q5 Squee!! I've seen this one around Twitter, excited to get to read a bit of it. This is a tight, strong query + showcases how to use narrative voice (ie give some personality!) to hook your reader. Awesome as is, but if want to add, there's room. 😍😍😍 #RevPit #10Queries
P5 Voicey quirks are like salt--they add flavor, but you can still use too much. It's OK (good even) to dial it back so it's consistent with the later voice. Balance w/orienting. By the end, orientation & voice have evened out & THAT makes me want to read more. #RevPit #10Queries
Q6 Lovely premise, but what's the plot? You still have about 100 words to show what happens in the story that causes the tone you promise. And/or explain the premise in fewer words so you can give more of idea of the plot. Make sure you include contact info! #RevPit #10Queries
P6 This voice is 💪! Character, inner conflict, touches on subplot, hints at external conflict--I can see how MC is on the way to inciting. I flew through these pages. The only problem: ground narrative in a scene faster (quick add to 2nd para would work) #RevPit #10Queries
Q7 Good QL structure + includes all ms info. But the 2nd para feels like backstory that doesn't need to be in QL. Instead, tell us why the MC has to be the one to Do The Thing™️ and give a hint at what the MC has to change about themselves to resolve the plot. #RevPit #10Queries
P7 Starts in scene w/good structure. This is worldbuilding done right--as MC moves through the scene, using meaningful details. But focus is on another character, which relegates the MC to narrator. Is there another place to start to get to know MC better? #RevPit #10Queries
Q8 There are some real gems in this QL. Shows promise but overall structure is lacking. I'm not sure what plot is or how story relates to comps.

For query structure: read the queries at queryshark.blogspot.com & Successful Queries blog writersdigest.com/successful-que… #RevPit #10Queries
P8 Hm. Pgs don't read like this genre. Having both the prologue and Chapter 1 in first person when they are not the same character (is the prologue the author speaking?) is confusing. I'm not sure this structure is working for this story. #RevPit #10Queries
Q9 So much promise here! The summary of the plot feels a little muddled. It's about 90% of the way there but needs to be explained a little more clearly. But THOSE COMPS OMG #RevPit #10Queries
P9 Voice and character right off the bat 💥 You manage to have a sorta false start that doesn't FEEL like a false start. Shows skill! and has me needing to read MOAR. Great transition to scene & conflict. I love everything about this. *grabby hands* #RevPit #10Queries
Q10 Love this concept, and the world intrigues me. But wording is sometimes too vague and leaves me asking the wrong kinds of ?s (like "what's happening again?" instead of "how do they get out of this?") There's a lot of promise here--just needs some clarity #RevPit #10Queries
P10 POV, voice, worldbuilding, character, hints of plot, all grounded in a scene? Yes please. Loving pages and want to read more.

❗Note: sub guidelines are life! Learn standard format. 5 pp is ≤ 1500 words. Doesn't bother me but could DQ you in some cases. #RevPit #10Queries
Some general notes about this batch of #RevPit #10Queries.
In the QL:
- know your genre & age category
- include those + word count in every QL
- too "salesy" can be confusing
- focus on explaining the plot, connecting MC & showing stakes
- voice = write with personality
In the pages:
- orientation is 1st job. Don't let the reader be confused.
- knowing just where to start is HARD. My best advice: figure out where MC puts a foot on the path that leads to the inciting incident. Then take one big step back.
#RevPit #10Queries
In the pages (cont):
- we can't connect with MC if we don't meet them in the pages
- voice is the 1st thing a reader notices
- know the standards for your genre & age category. Read it. A lot.
- readers don't need all the details on pg 1. Spread it out!
#RevPit #10Queries
Standard formatting =
One-inch margins
Font: 12 point, Times New Roman (TNR is safest)
Indent paragraphs ½ inch
No extra spaces between paragraphs
Left align text
Begin chapters on a new page
Header in top right corner: Last name/Title/Page

#RevPit #10Queries
Since I forgot to add genre & age category, here's a list of those:
1 YA Hist
2 YA? F
3 A? Hist R
4 YA Spec fic
5 A F
6 A Cont R
7 A F
8 A Hist
9 MG F
10 A? SF
I'll be sending feedback to my #RevPit #10Queries authors tomorrow
Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to force a refresh.

Enjoying this thread?

Keep Current with Jeni Chappelle 📚🎃👻🔮

Profile picture

Stay in touch and get notified when new unrolls are available from this author!

Read all threads

This Thread may be Removed Anytime!

Twitter may remove this content at anytime, convert it as a PDF, save and print for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video

1) Follow Thread Reader App on Twitter so you can easily mention us!

2) Go to a Twitter thread (series of Tweets by the same owner) and mention us with a keyword "unroll" @threadreaderapp unroll

You can practice here first or read more on our help page!

Follow Us on Twitter!

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!


This site is made by just three indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3.00/month or $30.00/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Too expensive? Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal Become our Patreon

Thank you for your support!