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1. Welcome to today's White House #shadowbriefing We brief because the White House doesn't. Today we're going to do something a little bit different. Over the past six months of doing the Shadowbriefing, we've come under intense pressure from certain forces to cease and desist
2. I have to admit, if I was still at the White House and someone was doing a shadow briefing I might take it personally. No one likes to be criticized fairly or unfairly. Now the job of the Press Secretary is to brief the press and when you don't do it that opens you up to
3. some criticism. And shadow briefing hasn't been shy about it. But we're also about fairness and equal time. Recently we made a proposal to @PressSec We'll let you use our worldwide platform, reaching billions, to make a statement in return for you doing an interview with
4. the Shadow briefing. To our great surprise, @PressSec agreed to the arrangement. After a long back and forth of who goes first, shadow briefing decided to trust the White House and let @PressSec go first. So, without further adieu, here is @PressSec statement in full
5. Thank you for the opportunity to speak to your audience. I suspect that many in your audience don't really understand our great and wise leader the way I've come to know him. I'd like to share a bit of that with you today as welcome break from the kind of negativity this
6. briefing regularly. The real @realDonaldTrump is nothing like the fake news media makes him out to be. The first thing you need to know is he truly is a genius. Talking to him is like talking to a supercomputer, like Artificial Intelligence. He just knows everything. And
7. he's so kind and gentle and well so dreamy. I just love being around him. And when it comes to issues, he shows great leadership everyday. You want to know why I don't brief? It's because he does it better and in everyday. And when he gets going on Twitter, well he's just a
8. force of nature. He also is such a family man too. He loves a Saturday afternoon playing monopoly with his family pretending they successful developers in Atlantic City. Sitting with the two dogs, smoking a pipe and generally being the Norman Rockwell of American Dads.
9. And what a husband, how many husbands would spend $130,000 to keep his wife from getting upset. I wish my would. And the media refuses to acknowledge his greatness. That's why we set up Fox TV to make sure America hears the truth. He's the greatest and anyone who says
10. otherwise is fake news and human scum. Can you put a human scum emoji on that when you post? Thanks. That's all. Now I guess I have to take a few of your questions. SB: First off, what were you for Halloween? SG: A mime. Didn't have to change for that one. SB: There
11. some of us who've been in that press room who think you've degraded the job by not briefing and only talking to Fox. SG: You guys take yourself too seriously. The truth is whatever Donald Trump says it is. It's not negotiable, it has no nuance or complexity.
12. @realDonaldTrump says it therefore it's true. SB: Why does @potus think he can't be prosecuted or investigated for wrongdoing. SG: Because he also decides what the laws are and what's right and what's wrong. Now he'd be pretty stupid to make the laws and then break them
13. Remember he's a genius so if he's going to do something wrong he just says it's right after he does it. No other President has been that smart. SB. Are you afraid to go into the briefing room. It didn't turn out so well for Mulvaney. SG. Honestly if does scare me a bit
14. That room looks like it hasn't been cleaned in years and I hear there are rats besides the rats who are journalists. SB How is it working with the President's children? A. They are geniuses also. And so kind and generous and yada yada yada. Do I have to continue to do this?
15. SB One more question. If the President is removed from office, what will you do? A. The President won't be removed. I probably shouldn't say this, but I saw a plan today that shows how we'll take over the govt, declare martial law and imprison and member of Congress
16. who voted against us on impeachement. In fact, we might just imprison all of them because we know they don't understand Donald's, I mean Mr. Trump's genius. So I'm not at all worried about my job security. And don't bother putting that off the record, no one reads your
17. stupid shadow briefing anyway. I may start briefing just so I can put you out of business. You deserve really strong language to be used against you. I'm going on Hannity tonight and in the production meeting in the Oval we discussed a segment going after you. Beware.
19SB. Thanks for coming by. That's all we got for today, maybe the POTUS will come talk to us on Monday.
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