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A #NoNutNovember thread:

When I got to college in 1996, I was shocked that the guys on my floor talked about jerking off, because throughout my adolescence I'd been 100% ashamed and terrified of how much I was doing it.
I was doing it at most 3 times a day, which is your run-of-the-mill teen-boy number of times. But this just killed me some days. I hated myself and thought I was sick and unfixable.
Context: This was less than 2 years after Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders had to step down for recommending we teach schoolkids about masturbation. And a few years before #SomethingAboutMary and #AmericanPie, which I feel mainstreamed cinematic jerkoff humor.
(Might be wrong there, but please believe Seinfeld's "The Contest" wasn't yet the syndicated legend we know it as now.)
I had to learn how to jerk off by reading enough cursory, quaint passages in encyclopedias and health books to get the mechanics of it. None of my friends talked about it. I had no older brothers. My family never spoke about sex, etc.
So like 90% of the shame I felt every time I jerked off, I had learned. I'd had handed to me in one form or another. Add this shame to the shame I felt re: *what* I was jerking off too (other boys), and you can see that masturbating was for me this evil I wish I could escape
In college: my friends joked about it. They announced when they were going to the bathroom to do it. They were untroubled, and this self-acceptance spread to other aspects. They farted audibly. They laughed at themselves. They wore whatever clothes were clean. Etc.
Meanwhile I, drunk at a party back home during break, make a joke about masturbating that outs me as a masturbator. I'm surrounded by my oldest friends, but I go fetal, pained & embarrassed at what I just confessed to. They laugh: it's OK, Dave. But I feel I've wrecked myself
When you're not just closeted but in denial about any aspect of your sexual desires, you sorta disidentify from sexuality all together. "I can't even imagine having sex," I told HS friends, out loud, because it was true. My imagination couldn't even summon the picture.
Jerking off was all I had, all I could allow myself, and so it meant everything to me. Still does, looking back. My life would be very different if I had just one person to say: Dave, it's okay you're jerking off and it's okay to jerk off to what you're jerking off to.
Which is why #NoNutNovember feels like a public health threat.
If you like science, here's some. Masturbation leads to increased testosterone, not the opposite (as #NNN claims):

link.springer.com/article/10.100…
Masturbation has not been shown to increase risk of prostate cancer (and many studies show a decrease):

ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27871956
Also, no leading psychologist or medical doctor (and neither the APA nor the WHO) believes that "porn addiction" (or "sex addiction") exists. I have no paper to link to, but as somebody who spent weeks in Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings, I can tell you it's all bunk.
I'll say it again: you're not addicted to porn. You're not addicted to sex. You've got some compulsive behavior you might want to look into. Start here:

thehumanist.com/magazine/july-…
But medical health aside, I know personally the ways that denying yourself any desired sexual activity will not make you stronger, healthier, happier, sexier, or more successful. It makes you a pawn—a fearful pawn—to your own sexuality.
#NoFap men are afraid of sex, and thus controlled by sex. #NoNutNovember teaches men (and maybe some women?) that their sexual desires are a weakness they can overcome with force.
#NoNutNovember is rape culture, basically.
Probably there are like 75 men in the Manosphere O' Kings actually going through with #NoNutNovember, but it's more than a joke. It's a problem. It's a subculture of men who see sex as bad and that reinforcement is going to fuck them (and others) up for a long time.
Instead: repeat to yourself that sex (consensual and solo) is good. Your sexual desires are a part of your identity, and it's time, if you haven't already, to learn how to integrate them into your life.
One of my forms of integration: A tweet threat opening up about my jerkoff history and neuroses. (And if you enjoyed this or found it useful, just wait for the book I'm writing.)
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