Today's morning testimony is definitely one to watch! GORDON SONDLAND is up at 9AM EST! Watch link below:
GORDON SONDLAND is the US ambassador to the European Union. Like Trump, he's a hotel magnate. Before he was appointed to his position was a huge donor to Trump's inaugural committee (to the tune of $1 million!). Prior to that, he donated massively to the GOP.
fuck this i'm pulling out the whisky
IT'S GETTING REALLY BLOODY UNDER THERE
YES IT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW ON LIVE TELEVISION AND THE BALD MAN AT THE US CAPITAL IS SMUGLY SHOVING A BUNCH OF GOVERNMENT PEOPLE UNDER A RAPIDLY MOVING VEHICLE
THAT LOOP REALLY LOOKS LIKE A NOOSE
AND GOT A FUCKING ROCKET EXPLOSION
trying to play it cool
Sondland: Yeah that sounds like something I would have said. The president and I communicate in four letter words! Or three letter words, in this case.
ME: *takes off sunglasses* MY GOD
Shit that happens when you have a fucking reality TV show host as president
Sondland: I’m a proud part of the three amigos.
Nunes: that’s what Amassador Volker said yesterday.
Volker, yesterday: I cringe when people say three amigos.
LOL DEVIN NUNES IS SUCH A FUCKING CABBAGE
Castor: the whole thing you said happened didn't happen, right?
Sondland: it happened
Castor: but it didn't happen the way PEOPLE SAY IT DID, right?
Sondland: it did happen that way though
Castor: OK BUT IF YOU LOOK SIDEWAYS
IF SOMEONE OFFERED RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT TO LOP OFF MY EARS AND SPOON OUT MY EYES I MIGHT TAKE THEM UP ON IT
JIM JORDAN IS THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF AN EMPTY POPCORN BAG ROTTING IN THE SUN
REPUBLICANS MOVED JIM JORDAN INTO THIS COMMITTEE SO HE COULD SCREAM FUCKING NONSENSE
Schiff looks like a frustrated parent forced to enter an enclosed space and calm down a room of recalcitrant toddlers who are smearing shit all over the walls
MAYBE BRAD WINSTRUP SHOULD TALK TO DEVIN NUNES, THEN. THIS MAGGOTY KITCHEN RAG IS TRYING TO GASLIGHT US ALL.
(this is her best line of questioning yet)
IMAGINE IF THE PRESIDENT OF A COUNTRY THAT DESPERATELY NEEDS OUR ASSISTANCE CAME OUT AND SAID "YES, YOUR PRESIDENT BLACKMAILED ME." IT'S NOT AS IF TRUMP LITERALLY JUST BETRAYED KURDISH ALLIES OR ANYTHING🙃
(Joaquin is AMAZING)
And none of these people want to testify.
JIM JORDAN ANGRY NOISES
JIM JORDAN ARGHLEBARGLE
JIM JORDAN SCREEEEEECHY SCREEECHY BLOOPTY BUMBLEFUCK
JIM JORDAN: *sits back* 🤡
anyway that's jim jordan's time in sum
Sean Patrick Maloney: You've been very forthright, and how many times did it take you? THREE.