Share this page!

Enter URL or ID to Unroll

You can paste full URL like: https://x.com/threadreaderapp/status/1644127596119195649
or just the ID like: 1644127596119195649

How to get URL link on X (Twitter) App

  1. On the Twitter thread, click on or icon on the bottom
  2. Click again on or Share Via icon
  3. Click on Copy Link to Tweet
  4. Paste it above and click "Unroll Thread"!
  5. More info at Twitter Help
Steve Cuss Profile picture
@stevecusswords
Dec 21, 2019 • 4 tweets • 2 min read • Read on X
Lots of generalized talk about anxiety now days. Awareness is a good thing, but tools, nuanced language and a path will get you 5000% further in anxiety management than just conversation. One powerful tool is a #Genogram.

1/
#Genogram is like a family tree, but it captures emotional dynamics, generational traits, mental illness, addictions...

You present a genogram to a trusted group. They help you see patterns, assumptions, family propaganda, what you are holding, what is holding you.

2/
#Genograms give insight into what you carry into every encounter and what you assume about life. They are not interested in blame, but awareness. Unlike a family tree, they are not interested in objective history, but your subjective experience of it. How you see the world.

3/
My favorite work and consulting is helping people with genograms because they are deeper tools that anyone can benefit from and they help us go from talking about it to deep transformation. Like all transformative tools, this one requires homework and digging deep. #WorthIt

4/

• • •

Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to force a refresh
　

Keep Current with Steve Cuss

Steve Cuss Profile picture

Stay in touch and get notified when new unrolls are available from this author!

Read all threads

This Thread may be Removed Anytime!

PDF

Twitter may remove this content at anytime! Save it as PDF for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video
  1. Follow @ThreadReaderApp to mention us!

  2. From a Twitter thread mention us with a keyword "unroll"
@threadreaderapp unroll

Practice here first or read more on our help page!

More from @stevecusswords

Steve Cuss Profile picture
Apr 18
Day 4.

Chronic anxiety or 'reactivity' is based on false needs that feel real in the moment.

Acute anxiety is based on real threat.

Slamming the brakes, swerving to avoid an accident, losing a child on a playground, seeing a snake when you're out jogging - acute anxiety.

1/
Image
Image
Not doing it perfectly, letting someone down, needing to be understood - chronic anxiety.

The problem is, the 'chronic' VERY much feels like the 'acute' in the moment.

Your body cannot tell the difference until you train it.

2/
Humans seek 5 core false needs: control, perfection, having the answer, being there for others, approval.

Let's look at two....

3/
Read 10 tweets
Steve Cuss Profile picture
Apr 17
Day 3.

Unaddressed reactivity wears us down.

We get reactive when we don't get a false need that feels like a real need.

What do you think you need that you don't really need? Image
We all have dozens of false needs and when we don't wrangle our many false need, they pile up and get the better of us and wear us out.

2/
Some of my false needs:
1. I need everyone I meet to like or approve of me.
2. I need to be understood.
3. I need to make the person in front of me feel better.
4. I need to always know what to say or do in any situation. You MUST see me as a smart person.

3/
Read 7 tweets
Steve Cuss Profile picture
Apr 16
Day 2.

Reactivity stops us from being human sized.

We end up getting bigger or smaller than human sized.

1/
Image
Image
Some of us, when we are reactive get 'bigger.' We must have the last word. We no longer listen to learn, we now listen to advise, fix, correct, or mansplain. We get aggressive, we dominate the space. Some of us literally make ourselves bigger.

2/
Some of us get smaller than human sized. We no longer feel safe to be exactly ourselves in that space. We do not speak up in the meeting, we flatter rather than tell the truth, we get quiet.

Some of course get bigger or smaller, depending on the circumstance and people.

3/
Read 12 tweets
Steve Cuss Profile picture
Apr 15
Reactivity exists and spreads in 4 spaces. Our tendency is to focus on anxiety in others, or to react to it but not notice it.

Some of us focus on others by enmeshing with them. When momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy...

1/ Image
Sometimes we focus on them by fixating: blaming, moving into self righteoussness, or irritation. 'Why do they do that?!!!'

But the absolute secret to reactivity management is to spend most of your time in 1st space.

Here are the spaces:

2/
1. The space inside me.
2. The space between me and the other.
3. The space inside the other.
4. The space between others.

3/
Read 9 tweets
Steve Cuss Profile picture
Mar 22
A gentle reminder that your inner critic is telling you a gospel. It just happens to be a gospel of condemnation and shame.

I fired my IC, but he kept coming to work, like Milton from Office Space. I've learned to quieten it by containing it with God's first and last word.
1/
This is slow transformation work, not one and done. I started in 2016, noting how often I called myself 'stupid' or a 'moron.

50-100 times per week. Lord have mercy.

I vowed to treat myself the way God treats me. It was harder than I thought it would be.

2/
It turns out, I believed the gospel of 'self' and inner critic over the gospel of Jesus. And it took much faith and patience to relax into the gospel of Jesus.

Still a work in progress.

A quick test for you:

3/
Read 8 tweets
Steve Cuss Profile picture
Jan 5
One of the most powerful ways to lower reactivity in you and your people is to learn to notice it.

Noticing is sort of a reactivity power tool. It builds your immunity and you're less likely to catch and spread it when you're working on noticing.

What situations or types of people tend to generate reactivity in you?

How can you put yourself in those situations this week so you can practice noticing what goes on in you?

Then, after a few reps, as you walk into those situations, how can you pause to get your noticing radar set?

I'll give an example from my own life:

1/
A surefire generator of reactivity for me is when people ask me questions and I don't know the answer. I am a recovering 'stupidholic' and when I don't know something, especially if it is within my responsibility, and someone asks, I feel exposed.

*This, of course, is a false need.*

So in elders meetings which are monthly for our church, it is common that an elder asks me about, say, the children's min budget trend from the last few years.

2/
Now that elder isn't expecting me to know it right away. He or she is very happy for me to get that info later, but in the moment, I lose all reality because reactivity puts us in a false reality.

In the moment, I HAVE to know the answer for the world to be ok.

Reactivity is CRAZY. It is always selling ARMAGEDDON in the moment. That which is crazy suddenly feels eminently reasonable.

3/
Read 7 tweets

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!

This site is made by just two indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3/month or $30/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Don't want to be a Premium member but still want to support us?

Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal

Or Donate anonymously using crypto!

Ethereum

0xfe58350B80634f60Fa6Dc149a72b4DFbc17D341E copy

Bitcoin

3ATGMxNzCUFzxpMCHL5sWSt4DVtS8UqXpi copy

Thank you for your support!

Follow Us!

Send Email!

:(