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#Autism and #Depression - a very personal thread. Despite that, please share widely as it might help folk.

All based on my own experience. /1
It's an interesting thing that mental health is so universally taboo, as it means our mental health gets progressively worse. So, following in the example of people like @matthaig1 and @Sara_Rose_G, I'm going tk be pretty open and honest about my poorly little brain. /2
Please be aware that I'm not classing #Autism as a mental illness. Because it isn't. I'm talking about the black dog - depression.

It's shit. /3
I was diagnosed with fairly serious depression back in 2016 and have been on medication ever since. The combination of sudden parenthood and work pressure pushed my mind that little bit too far and something broke. But I recovered a bit, over time. /4
But recently things have got a little bleak again. Some considerable sources of grief and sorrow combined with global problems seem to have pushed me back into the fog a little, much to my annoyance. It may not come across given my sunny disposition on here, but it's there. /5
It's a damp, cold, inordinately heavy woollen blanket draped forlornly over my mood, making everything seem blurred and boring, like life is basically a scratchy, over played VHS your teacher showed you when you were 7 about bees or something. /6
You see, I said I was annoyed about this, but when depressed, you don't really do annoyed. It's too proactive. Rather, you quietly and glumly seethe and mope. True anger is impossible. You're too tired. /7
I tend to rely quite heavily on 'thinks to look forward to'. Doesn't matter what they are - if they're nice then I'll place them in my mental calendar and see them as a goal or light at the end of the tunnel. Trouble us, when depressed, the tunnel is too long. /8
Or the light too faint, or some cheeky bastard has put it out. It's still there, but it's no longer working. You don't look forward tk anything - not properly. But you soldier on. /9
What choice do you have? You either push on regardless or you drop out of everything altogether, which is sadly commonplace, especially for #autistic people. But I push on regardless. Every day is an exercise in getting through the hours, the minutes, the seconds. /10
Living hand to mouth but not money-wise: time-wise. You can't plan anything, you can't get prepared, you just exist. It's a challenging way to exist. /11
But exist you do. You go to work, you parent, you try to socialise, you try tk find ways to cheer yourself up. /12
And you feel alone. So alone. Because our culture demands we must NEVER SHOW WEAKNESS! NEVER! DON'T YOU DARE! We're not allowed to admit we are ill in that way. If we do, we're treated as weird, shunned, ignored. This makes things much worse. /13
I guess my point is, we're not alone. There are loads of us and while on one hand that's not a comforting thought, on the other it really is. The more we can open up spaces to discuss our mental health the better, and my profile will always be open for such discussions. /14
The more open and honest we are the better. Maybe then people will find the support they need. /15
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