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Victoria Duncan Profile picture
@SNeurotypicals
Feb 2, 2020 • 1 tweets • 1 min read • Read on X
@Blind_Nycteris it's the double empathy problem. They don't understand us or themselves, we don't understand them or ourselves (to begin with), but the onus is on us to fix it so we end up having to figure out both sides. It's an achievement that we make any headway at all.

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More from @SNeurotypicals

Victoria Duncan Profile picture
Jan 10
Just because someone talks about their chronic illness or neurodivergent condition doesn't mean they're ""using it as an excuse"" or ""making it their identity"". Not all narratives that include a diagnosis or discovery of a condition are victim narratives. Look closer.
By "victim narrative", I mean an unhealthy self view that says other people are responsible for everything, things just happen to them with no agency on their part, they're surrounded by assholes.
I think one reason neurodiversity discourse rubs people the wrong way on social media is because they assume it's always associated with a victim mindset. They think we're always saying we're autistic so nothing is our fault.

But not every story is that.
Read 15 tweets
Victoria Duncan Profile picture
Dec 19, 2024
FYI I'm reading up on workplace burnout research and your recovery strategy needs 4 elements:
- Detachment, aka "switching off" after work
- Relaxation. NOT just stationary rest or doomscrolling. Purposeful relaxation activities, whatever that means to you.
- Mastery experiences: These are things you find challenging & that you learn from, outside of work.
- Agency experiences: This is when you do stuff just because you feel like it - not to please anyone else.

Recovery also involves working BELOW baseline for awhile.
Anyway if you're like me and have always felt that working through the holidays was nice because you could slow down, work on stuff because you want to, take on new things... This is why!
Read 4 tweets
Victoria Duncan Profile picture
Dec 5, 2024
Letters home from an autistic office employee

Dear comrades,

I sent you a thoughtful assortment of links: the usual mix of pet videos, pandemic studies, cryptic Tumblr screenshots, Reddit forums and listicles of products I think you'll like. I hope everything resonates.
I feel like I'm a magnet for inconsistencies. My colleagues tell me: "We always do this way." I do it that way; they say, "Oh, this instance is different, for these we do it this way." These exchanges are so quick and calm. They see no conflict between these statements.
I know it looks like I'm finding the inconsistencies; hunting for them, seeing them even when they're not there. But it feels like they find me, like creatures in a vision, only appearing to one person. It feels like they happen to me and I'm just noticing them.
Read 10 tweets
Victoria Duncan Profile picture
Dec 1, 2024
Shame should be diagnostic for ADHD women. Paralyzing shame that steals years & wrecks relationships. Absolutely refusing to be outed as a person with a messy house or who doesn't cook or who forgot that key deadline, as if, if you want it badly enough, you can be someone else 💔
It's me, your autistic friend, listening to you describe shame as deep as the ocean over things you clearly can't help & are working very hard on. I don't notice your mess or forgetfulness or distraction. I notice your broken heart over not being whoever you think you should.
I don't know what I did to deserve this but as an autistic woman I do not have this sense that who I am is wrong. Maybe because I never really believed I could be someone else. Maybe because people insulted me by calling me names, not by telling me I wasn't trying hard enough.
Read 4 tweets
Victoria Duncan Profile picture
Dec 1, 2024
Letters home from an autistic office worker:

Dear comrades,

My endeavours at employment continue. Today someone told me the tone of my email was "not helpful". Alarmed, I combed through the posting for this role, the job description from when I was hired, and my training notes.
...But could find no requirement that my emails must be helpful, no metrics for what that looks like, and no instructions for how to achieve that. I asked for an example email and they just looked at me funny, so I did a cursory data sampling and noticed some trends to apply.
My colleagues' emails appear to be long on preamble and short on concrete details. They only address one point in the previous email, generally the first one, and never go into root causes. They also use more emojis, more typos and more exclamation points than me.
Read 15 tweets
Victoria Duncan Profile picture
Nov 19, 2024
36 here. I used to think this about my coworkers & then I noticed some of the more laidback & non confrontational employees were also older & more successful in life. They weren't cowards. They knew some things I didn't about the environment and their own circumstances.
Some of the quiet employees were just more advanced in their careers & genuinely happy where they were. They had all their needs met. They weren't campaigning for a promotion like I constantly was. I thought I understood this but as I get closer to this state: It's different.
Others, I later learned, had had some run ins with management and learned very clearly that confrontation would not be rewarded. So they kept quiet. I hadn't learned this & was resistant to seeing it but doing nothing is a valid & skillful strategy.
Read 4 tweets

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