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Victoria Duncan Profile picture
@SNeurotypicals
Feb 2, 2020 • 1 tweets • 1 min read • Read on X
@Blind_Nycteris it's the double empathy problem. They don't understand us or themselves, we don't understand them or ourselves (to begin with), but the onus is on us to fix it so we end up having to figure out both sides. It's an achievement that we make any headway at all.

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More from @SNeurotypicals

Victoria Duncan Profile picture
Apr 23
I've seen this in one friend in particular and it is so damaging it should be considered a disability in itself. Always pushing yourself past your limits, running yourself down, making rash choices because you're "behind in life" & you need to catch up. Exhausting.
It's noticeable to me because I feel like I, too, have a claim to considering myself an underachiever. I have a master's but dropped out of my PhD program. While I was a broke grad student, everyone else my age was getting their first job, dog, car, house, kid.
I've "only" been making real money for about 6 years and I "only" just reached a mid-level role, meanwhile everyone I went to school with is a manager. And so it goes.

But I don't beat myself up about it like people I know with ADHD do, and I can't understand it.
Read 13 tweets
Victoria Duncan Profile picture
Apr 14
At some point, very early on, undiagnosed neurodivergent children are faced with a terrible dilemma.

They will tell someone they're in pain, someone they trust, and that person will say no they're not. That didn't hurt. It can't have. They're being selfish/dramatic/lying.
The child has to get their head around it. They feel pain, but a trusted caregiver says they don't and they're being bad for saying so. How can it be true?

There are only two, bad, options.
The child may choose to believe the caregiver and decide that they are wrong about their pain. They will make this choice again and again over the years and slowly learn to ignore their body until they are barely connected to it at all. They learn not to trust themselves.
Read 8 tweets
Victoria Duncan Profile picture
Apr 6
The reason it takes autistic people forever to get used to something is because often, that's not actually what's happening.

"Getting used to" something is a phenomenon where over time you simply don't notice the thing even though nothing about it has changed.
In almost all cases for me personally, when I appeared to get used to something (noise, a new work location, any change) what was actually happening is that I found ways to manage the sensory overwhelm, stress etc so that eventually I could do the thing without visible struggle.
I never got used to ambient noise at work. I simply bought ear defenders, found quiet rooms to step into, and adjusted my weekly workflow so that I could do focused work at home & save the less taxing work for the office.
Read 7 tweets
Victoria Duncan Profile picture
Aug 27, 2023
Saddened to learn that eating around icing when you only like the cake is *checks notes* childish and passive aggressive because for years that was just how I ate cake. The icing is too sweet.
@SBalveda @DecatHazel @phoenixashes199 The fact that it's a birthday kind of highlights this, because under one set of values a birthday celebration is something people do for you that you can only ever be grateful for, and under the other values, it's a day when your requests matter and should be respected.
@SBalveda @DecatHazel @phoenixashes199 Anyway these are both really strong social values and I think it just comes down to whichever one people feel should win in a conflict. Personally I wouldn't eat something I didn't like, even if it was made for me. And I also wouldn't lie about it to that person.
Read 8 tweets
Victoria Duncan Profile picture
May 26, 2023
It's me, your cranky neighbor who just complained about your kid's totally normal basketball game and said something about being "noise sensitive". Sounds like bullshit, right? Let me explain.
I experience noise differently than most people. I know this because for my whole life, when I said something was too loud, everyone else said no it wasn't. But it was so painful and distracting for me that I was willing to go to any lengths to get away from it or make it stop.
Noise sensitivity captures a few different experiences. Sometimes I simply have "super hearing" and can hear quiet noises from far away. I know this because if I go over to join a faraway conversation for some reason, they are usually surprised I know what they were saying.
Read 25 tweets
Victoria Duncan Profile picture
Mar 24, 2023
I've been working a lot on self care. Not like bubble baths and glasses of wine. Like noticing my needs and wants and doing things that satisfy them. Like loving and accepting myself.

I've made some progress, so now I'm grieving how long this took and how I spent those years.
I'm grieving how autism and being autistic in society damaged my relationship with my body. How often I was in pain or uncomfortable with sensory sensitivities, and ignored it, not taking even simple steps to make the situation better.
I didn't just decide to do that, I was taught and encouraged to, but it's not what other people said or did that hurts the most. It's that I believed them. And I told myself and my body we were wrong and there was nothing to be done.
Read 9 tweets

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