Pining Bakugou just CANT deal with how bad he wants Deku to Detroit smash his ass and then take him out to brunch and marry him AU and go!🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞
Katsuki just isn’t used to this feeling. It pisses him off, everything does but this is different. This is so much worse. Anything involving Deku is always worse, he’s so fucking frustrating. But this thing concerning Deku is worse than all others. Objectively, it’s the worst™️
Because when he sees those stupidly huge green eyes it seems like they’re always shimmering, like shit from a romance movie Katsuki would never watch. And when Deku looks at him it’s like he’s looking through him in a way no one else does. He sees past all the bullshit
The entire carefully crafted facade of hostility and toxicity Katsuki shows to the world. He’s perfected it for a reason /to keep people out/ and stupid fucking Deku doesn’t care. He wants in. And Katsuki can’t let him in, but god he wants to.
He wants to know how it would feel to have that sunbeam smile fall on him and actually allow himself to bask in it instead of scoffing and threatening to blast it off Deku’s face. He lets himself wonder if Deku’s cheeks would actually literally split in joy if he smiled back.
And then he thinks of Deku’s lips and like okay, they’re maybe nothing special if compared to Ochako’s plush pout - Katsuki can’t hear for shit but he can see - but they’re Deku’s lips, on Deku’s face. With a little freckle right on the corner and always busted open in a smile
Except when they’re not smiling because they’re bitten and red in determination or wobbling just a little when Deku cries and okay it’s fucked up of him, he knows it is, but Deku’s lips look so good when they’re wobbling like that, his little pink tongue peeking out to wet them
And maybe it’s not an okay reason but maybe that’s a big part of why Katsuki spent so much of his time in middle school torturing Deku to tears. No scratch that, it’s definitely not an okay reason. He’s working on it, okay? Sexuality was confusing and
he’d spent a lot of his formative years deeply ashamed of himself. He’s working on it, okay? Because he’s going to be the greatest hero. Better than All Might and if he wants Deku beside him while he accomplishes his dreams then that’s no one’s business but his own.
His and his only. Because the thing is, he hasn’t told Deku any of this because OBVIOUSLY. Their friendship was so tentative, a lot of things had been resolved in their long passed UA days but Katsuki has a lot to make up for, things he’s done and said he can never forgive
himself for. And Deku should definitely never forgive him either. So that’s the thing- he can’t ever ever let Deku in. Because Deku could shatter his heart and he should. Katsuki would kick his ass if he ever fully forgave and forgot their past. But Katsuki wants and dreams.
And his dreams reflect the fact that he’s 27 years old and never so much as had another person touch his dick He sees Deku’s lips in his dreams-stretched around his dick and trailing up his abs and giggling around an “Oh, Kacchan” and he wakes up in sticky boxers and burnt sheets
Every. Fucking. Time.
And maybe he’d gone through a deeply unsettling period where he went to bed early every night in the dorms so he could hatefully jerk off to thoughts of Deku. Haturbate? Is that a thing other people do? Probably not, Katsuki’s the only person this fucked up. But over time the
Fantasies his brain concocted for his He-man Deku Haters club spank bank shifted, and shifted, until one day just before graduation he cracked. The walls he built around his own heart couldn’t keep him out and suddenly he felt guilty touching himself to Deku and instead of
Furiously jerking himself to fantasies of a wobbly lipped Deku Katsuki had just bested in battle he was imagining Deku’s lips pouting up at him, whimpering and saying “P-please, Kacchan?” And then he couldn’t help but think of those lips on his neck and slotted against his own
He just knew Deku would be a delicate kisser. He would probably be so shy with that sinful little tongue of his and Katsuki would have to coax it out of him, a new kind of fight. Deku trying to keep it chaste maybe while Katsuki ravaged his mouth with his own
Yeah, so that’s how he’d come to realize at 17 years old, in his dorm room, hand on his own dick, that his hatred of Deku was misplaced. Katsuki always prided himself on being smart, but shit, he was a dumbass when it came to Deku.
It was an earth shattering revelation then, one that had actually resulted in like their 15th grand showdown at ground beta. But it’s been 10 years now, he’s not angry anymore and actually, he’s a little sad maybe? Because he sees Deku sometimes
They work on opposite ends of Tokyo but every once in a great while their patrol routes somehow overlap- either to punish or reward Katsuki, he’s not sure- or they’ll be called to the same emergency and he’ll have to watch Deku’s smile as he rescues civilians or even better-
(Read: Worse) Deku’s smile as he kicks a villian’s ass. And the worst of all, Deku’s thick fucking thighs, golden tan and freckled, rippling with muscles and lit by OFA. Katsuki would wring Hatsume’s neck for convincing Deku to change his summer uniform to include shorts
“To better accommodate his shoot style” Bullshit, this was the universe shitting on him. Except he knows it isn’t. He’s working on that, too. He’s been working on a lot of shit for a while now. Aizawa arranged for him to start seeing a therapist all those years ago after /Kamino/
He is different now. He’s still gruff but any real hostility he lets out is more of a reflex, he can take a deep breath and readjust. He can be better but he can never undo the things he did when he wasn’t. So that’s his life, for 10 years. Work to become better, better, best.
All this in an effort to someday be good enough to stand beside Deku. Which is a goal he won’t even allow himself to achieve. So like he said, it’s frustrating. It’s Deku and it’s Katsuki and it’s frustrating, what a fucking surprise.
And then it gets worse because on patrol one day Ochako drops a bomb on him. “Tsuyu is pregnant! Isn’t that great!?” And okay that part’s cool, they’d been trying to make this happen for a while. He grunts an affirmative and then remembers he’s supposed to use words now
He’s supposed to validate others when he can. So he smiles and says “That is fucking great, Cheeks.” He thinks he’s not conveying his excitement right, but he is excited and Cheeks gets it. She was always 2nd to Deku in annoyingly figuring his shit out. But then she continues
And that’s when Katsuki’s ears start ringing because Ochako and Tsuyu are moving, they want a little quieter patrol route, something farther from the city center to raise their brat “And get this GZ, Izu’s been ‘wanting a little more excitement’” /so he’s moving here/ to where
Katsuki lives and patrols and ears street food and goes to the gym and rides the subway and and and everything. They’re just going to swap apartments, actually, Cheeks and Froggy and Deku. “It’s like fate! It just all worked out! Isn’t that cool, GZ!?” Katsuki forgets to use his
Words. He forgets everything he ever learned in therapy because this isn’t fate, it’s bad karma. It’s his penance for every fucked up thing he’s ever said or done in his entire existence. Because if Deku is here, like all the time, he’s not going to be able to stomp this shit out
His ears are ringing so fucking loud right now. He’s got tinnitus from a lifetime of abusing his inner ears with his quirk but this is some next level shit. His chest is tight and his eyes burn. Holy fuck, he’s about to get super vulnerable in front of Cheeks which is just No.
So he blasts himself in the opposite direction from Cheeks, not looking back to see her startled face and then he just keeps blasting. He’s a wounded animal, he’s fleeing, he’s going off alone to die with at least a shred of his dignity intact.
Blessed be he has the next two days off from patrol. He just has to keep his emergency pager on him but it never rings. He’s always thankful for that but doubly so now because he doesn’t have to look at Ochako, he’s got time to build up his walls again and fall back into his
Old unhealthy coping mechanisms. He can fall the fuck apart in the solitude of his apartment and he only has to decline four calls from Cheeks, a few confused texts from Tsuyu. But then Kirishima starts calling instead and he’s more persistent than the girls. After he calls
17 times in as many minutes Katsuki sends him a text and this is where he fucks up because he hasn’t told anyone to die in years. So just those three letters texted to Shitty Hair is enough to put him on high alert. Katsuki actually foolishly thinks he’s won, because Kirishima
Stops calling. Everything is quiet for about an hour. Katsuki is beating the absolute fuck out of his punching bag in the spare room turned home gym because he doesn’t want to risk going to the agency gym while he’s still like /this/ but he can’t lose his edge. He’s dripping
Sweat. Stinking of nitroglycerin and self loathing when his phone starts to buzz again. He should’ve turned it off. He flicks his eyes over and his heart stops because it’s green eyes and white teeth smiling in the contact photo. It’s Deku calling, he’d spiraled too far and
Those bastards had called in Deku to try and reel him back in. Fucking idiots. Lord forgive them because Katsuki won’t. He answers the call after a few buzzed. He doesn’t know why he died other than it’s just fucking Deku so he does
“What!?” Katsuki forgets this is not how people answer the phone. “Oh, hey. Hey, Kacchan. What’s up?” How the fuck is he supposed to answer that? /I’m stupid in love with you and also I want you inside me but I’ll never deserve you and I don’t know what to do about it/ doesn’t
Quite seem right. So he doesn’t say anything. He just sits down cross legged on a yoga mat, phone crushed against his ear and breaths kinda heavily into his side of the connection and Deku just doesn’t say anything either. They do this stupid shit for a while and weirdly Katsuki
Starts to feel comforted. He feels grounded for the first time in days, he’s not about to shake out of his skin just because he’s listening to Deku breathe through the phone. And that’s just such a Deku move isn’t it? To cause Katsuki all this turmoil and then still be the only
One who can help him when he can’t help himself. After a few minutes or hours or years, Deku just starts to talk. He’s not even mumbling, he’d almost grown out of it now. Katsuki misses it sometimes. But right now it’s nice to listen to Deku talk like an adult. He’s just talking
About mundane shit. Some good soba IcyHot treated him to, a dog he saw on his way to the supermarket, how pretty the leaves look right now. Deku just talks and doesn’t expect Katsuki to answer- sometimes he even answers for him “I know you’re more of a cat person, Kacchan.-
BUT THIS DOG, KACCHAN. It was the best dog. 12/10 good boy.” And “Yeah, yeah, I know winter is your favorite but fall is nice, too. I love when the leaves change as much as you love snow. It’ll be winter soon though, Kacchan.” And just when Katsuki is really starting to relax,
Really starting to feel understood and seen in a way that’s still unthreatening because it’s just kittens and snowflakes, it’s not Katsuki’s deep and unrequited love for the other man on the phone. That’s when Deku changes gears, that’s when he starts to tear into the heart of
The issue. Into Katsuki’s own heart. He reaches his fist all the way through the phone line and cracks Katsuki’s rib cage open to pull his heart right through. “Oh! Oh Kacchan, I’m really excited for Ochako and Tsuyu! Did you hear the good news!?” And Deku knows he heard, Katsuki
Knows that Kirishima told him all the details of this tantrum he’s throwing. Knows Deku is giving him just the tiniest out to skirt around it and practice a different reaction. Fucking Deku, he’s so so unfathomably good. Katsuki should hang up, but that tactic hasn’t been shaking
Out the way he wanted and he can’t hide in his apartment forever and Deku will be here- he doesn’t even know how soon. So instead he says, “Yeah, Cheeks told me.” Deku doesn’t press for more for a minute, let’s Katsuki think over his words- he’d learned to do that more and Deku
Makes him remember to. He must take too long thinking though because finally Deku says, “And then what, Kacchan?” Katsuki sighs, fucking Deku. Deku waits and waits before he sighs too, just a little puff, he almost sounds amused. Katsuki gears himself up to eviscerate him but
Deku starts talking again before he can. Because he’ll be here next week, the grand apartment swapping caper is going down on Sunday and then Deku will be here. And “Would you have time for lunch, Kacchan?” It’d be nice to catch up, Kacchan. We can get curry, Kacchan.
And because the universe hates Katsuki and Katsuki hates himself he’s agreeing. And Deku kind of coos at him? And then he’s telling Katsuki to have a good week, he’s gotta go now, see you at lunch, I’ll text you Kacchan! Just fuuuuuuuuuuuck
The week goes by slow. He throws himself into work, he goes hard enough at the agency gym (he’s tired of hiding like a loser at home) to garner even more enthusiastic cheers from Kirishima than usual. He actually goes to visit Cheeks and Froggy. He congratulates them properly and
They all pointedly ignore his bizarre reaction to the news. He goes to therapy and he finally tells his shrink about this whole Deku /ordeal/ because Deku is coming. He’ll be here everyday. So close to being just where he really belongs. And Katsuki needs a professional opinion
On this. He gives the cliff notes version to get through it all in his allotted time but he doesn’t skip any of the real grisly parts. He fights tears as he tells the mousy brown haired lady how he taunted and tortured Deku. How he told him to kill himself. She hums and doesn’t
Interrupt until he’s finished vomiting feelings all over her. And he’s expecting her to agree with him, actually a little fucking eager for someone else to agree with him that he could never never have Deku. He’s so sure he just about shits when she doesn’t agree, she doesn’t
Exactly disagree with him but she does tell him he’s come a long way from that version of himself. And she tells him he’s allowed to want things. And she’s seen every piece of his soul by now so she should know. She’s got some kind of empathy quirk, she can actually feel how hard
Katsuki’s been trying all these years to improve himself. And she tells him she’ll see him next week, please check out with her receptionist. Katsuki wanders out in a daze, an expert had just told him...maybe he could have Deku? If Deku wanted, which he wouldn’t. But Katsuki felt
For the first time that it was actually kind of okay for him to want Deku. Because yeah, he’d fucked up back then. He had and there were no excuses, not even the one where he was just a confused and scared closeted child. But he’d been working on it so hard for so long and Deku
Did care enough to call and stay on the line for 1 hour and 47 minutes (Katsuki checked his call log after, okay? Sue him) and a lot of that time they were just breathing at each other. So, okay, this was fine. Deku would never love him the way he loved Deku. But suddenly loving
Deku- just the act of loving Deku didn’t seem so big and terrible and crushing. It finally felt like a weight he could bear. Deku texts him the details of their lunch and asks him to confirm if they work and he answers with a thumbs up emoji and then feels dumb about it but also
He feels light. Like he could soar over the city to Deku without the use of his quirk. He finger combs water through his hair in the agency locker room after his shift. He’d worked the weird shift, part way through the night until 11am, so he’s off in time to freshen up before
He goes to meet Deku, love of his fucking life that he’s apparently allowed to love and want. And even though Deku’s never going to feel the same at least Katsuki doesn’t have to tear himself up fighting these feelings. At least he can just breathe and feel and ache quietly
Instead of being 12 seconds off imploding in a ball of angst constantly. Deku looks just fucking beautiful when Katsuki arrives. Standard Deku - eyes, lips, face. Jesus Christ. Katsuki sees him first so he gets to watch the stunning smile that overtakes his face when he notices
Katsuki slouching up. “Hey, Kacchan!” His voice is like a bell, leading Katsuki to him. Deku actually opens his arms, it’s only been a couple of months since they’d been called out together but it’s like taking a drink of water just to see him so Katsuki lets him latch on and
Puts on a show of very mild disgust just for old time’s sake. Deku chides him gently and gestures him towards a table. They sit and make small talk, Katsuki gets in a few little snide comments about random shit that make Deku’s face light up and he gets one heavenly laugh out of
Him. Katsuki’s relaxed, he’s enjoying himself. His heart twinges a few times but overall it’s just really nice to be with Deku and he kind of lets himself pretend that this is a real date. But then Deku gets really weird because he chews a bite of curry for approximately 25
Minutes before he says, “Kacchan. I’m sorry. I...I know from experience how hard it can be to have feelings for someone when they aren’t returned.” Katsuki’s heart fucking stops. “But isn’t it at least a little comforting to you that Ochako and Tsuyu are happy together?”
Oh. What? His heart starts back up in time for him to choke on his own bite of food and commence hacking it all over beautiful, sweet, stupid Deku. And Deku claps him on the back too hard and people turn to stare and when his lungs are clear of curry Katsuki lets out a HAAAAH??
It’s really not like Deku to miss the mark this badly and maybe he’s light headed from lack of oxygen after his near death choking experience but for some reason he spits out “That shit wasn’t about /Cheeks/“ and Deku nods like he gets it but he doesn’t because then he says
“Oh, sorry, Kacchan. I shouldn’t have assumed. You just never seemed close to Tsuyu-“ and Katsuki’s getting a little pissed now because Deku isn’t gonna act like he’s all fucked up pining over two girls who have been committed to each other since high school. He forgets about
His oath to himself to never reveal these feelings to Deku just based on the fact that it’s frustrating for Deku to misunderstand. Deku’s supposed to /get/ him. He wants to be understood even if he gets crushed. He won’t stop loving Deku even when Deku tells him to so there’s
Really nothing to lose anymore. He’s allowed to have these feelings, god damnit, Deku might as well know. He’s operating on pure adrenaline as he throws cash on the table and yanks a startled Deku out of his seat. He drags him along for a while and Deku keeps up, he wants there
To be at least a few less people around to witness his inevitable humiliation because he’s gonna tell Deku. Deku’s gonna understand him and destroy his heart and they’ll go on with their lives, Katsuki’s good with this outcome right now but he doesn’t want witnesses. He stops
When they’re on a quieter street. Actually, there’s a lot of pretty trees here. Deku would fucking love to be confessed to right here by any other person. It’s romantic and cliche as fuck and Deku deserves to eat up some asshole’s confession in a place like this. Katsuki just has
To get his failed confession out of the way first. Deku’s just staring at him, wide eyed but patient until Katsuki blurts out “It’s not them!” Deku tilts his head in question and his viridian curls bounce a little. “S’not them I got fucked up about! It’s you!” There, he’s done.
Except he’s not. Because Deku still doesn’t get it. Is he being purposely obtuse? “Kacchan, you didn’t want me to come back?” He sighs heavily “I’m sorry, Katsuki-“ Katsuki? We’re doing Katsuki now? “I thought we were past that. I didn’t know being in the same ward would affect
You like this.” Katsuki roars. This is exhausting. “We are past that! That’s not it! It’s you I like! I like you, you shit! No - I’m not gonna lie if I’m doing this - I fucking love you. And you don’t fucking want me so I freaked out a little and now I’m fine. Okay? Okay.”
Deku does not say a fucking word.
Katsuki has used all his fucking words just like he’s supposed to with a little more volume and tone and cussing than he’s supposed to. But he used his words and Deku, for the first time probably ever, has nothing to say.
And that’s answer enough.
Oh, he’s blasting the fuck out of there. Running wounded over Deku for the second time in a week and a half. This is a regular thing now? Neat. This time he looks back and oh? Deku’s crying. Deku’s crying? That’s weird. He keeps blasting, because he’s crying too.
He crosses the city in minutes. He’s gotta go fast, because he’s crying. He’s gotta get home and lock himself in before he really really loses it. So that’s what he does. As soon as the door slams behind him he lets go. He thinks he actually might be wailing but his ears are
Fucked again so he can’t be sure. He knew this would hurt, he was prepared for it to hurt. But it’s actually fucking agonizing. It’s Deku so of course it’s worse than he’d expected. Everything is always worse when it involves Deku. The pain is licking up from his stomach in red
Got shards and then ripping its way out of his chest and throat. He’s cracked open and exposed and it fucking hurts. It fucking hurts. It fucking hurts. So he wails and pulls his hair and doesn’t even attempt to wipe the tears scalding down his cheeks. He needs to let it out
Get this black swirling mess out of his heart so he can reset and love Deku quietly from afar all his life. It must take him awhile to hear the knocking on the door because the person on the other side is really pounding, maybe they’d started off pounding that hard. He’d only
Made it a few steps in the door before he collapsed. He had definitely alerted the entire building by now that his heart had been shredded. He pulls himself together, just a little. Stops fucking screaming and scrubs his cheeks, he doesn’t have enough energy to yell at the person
Who’s actively trying to bust his door off it’s hinges, just shuffles over closer and croaks out “I’m done. Sorry.” He reels back because he was expecting a disturbed neighbor. He wasn’t expect Deku at all, let alone Deku demanding he open the door. He doesn’t want any more
Humiliation right now. He’s had enough, thank you. He doesn’t respond, just sags against the door and let’s his forehead rest against it. He’s jarred and smacks his head hard when Deku just starts pounding again hard enough to rattle the door and concuss Katsuki. “Kacchan!”
He sounds desperate, his voice is all high and reedy. “Kacchan! I’ll break it! I will break this door down! Open it! Open it, please!” Katsuki sniffles, he’s not doing that. So he groans back “No.” The pounding stops and everything is quiet except for their twin sniffling and
Then Katsuki hears electricity crackling and he sees green light under the door. Did Deku just activate his quirk? Really? And then Deku sighs loudly and says “I’m gonna break it now.” And Katsuki’s hand flies to the knob and he yanks it open just in time to see Deku rearing back
Because okay, no. Deku doesn’t have to break the door down. Katsuki deserves whatever shit Deku’s gonna give him. So he might as well take it without property damage. Deku’s body is coiled tight in preparation for what would have been a good smash but he deflates when he sees
Katsuki’s pathetic miserable form. They just look at each other for a minute. Katsuki slumped against the door jamb, hair even more fucked than usual from him yanking it, he can feel how puffy his face and eyes are. And Deku doesn’t look much better. His hair is wind whipped and
His eyes are bloodshot and it’s fucked up but it really makes the green pop. And then Deku is launching himself through the door straight at Katsuki. Katsuki doesn’t even brace for the fight. He’s just gonna take this ass whooping. Deku’s body smashes against his, knocking him
To the floor and the breath from his lungs. And then Deku’s fists are smacking his chest over and over but they’re not real punches. Just weird little flailing baby smacks as Deku sobs above him. The very back of Katsuki’s brain tells him to close his door so he stretches his leg
Out to kick it. When it slams it kind of shocks him out of his haze and he realizes Deku is mumbling while he cries and he’s saying “Why would you do that!? Why would you do that!?” Over and over and over. A litany for how much he doesn’t want Katsuki to love him.
Katsuki just lays there and sniffles and soaks it in until Deku has exhausted himself. Katsuki’s flat on his back limbs spread out in an effect to not touch Deku, not interfere with his gentle assault. And Deku’s above him, ass planted on his stomach and knees bracketing him
When Deku’s good and tired he just slumps, face against Katsuki’s neck, breath tickling him as they both continue to sniffle. This feels right. It’s fucking awful, but it feels like them at least. And then Deku snuffles and says “You’re an asshole, Kacchan.” He’s done with the
Katsuki shit, already? Look at them making progress. Katsuki grunts, he is an asshole. He doesn’t need to use words for that. Deku continues “How could you do that? How could you take me there and...and” he breaks off sniffling again and Katsuki just waits, flat on his back
Under Deku. Eventually, Katsuki stops waiting for Deku’s answer and tells him “I just wanted you to get it.” Deku pushes up just a little, enough they can see each other but staying close “And then you thought you should leave? That’s not how confessions work.” Katsuki can’t
Help the dry little chuckle that rasps up his throat. “Wasn’t a real confession, Deku-“ before he can say any more Deku is hysterical, bawling again but this time right into his neck and shoulder. “Why’re ya crying over this, stupid Deku? Someone better’ll do it for real someday”
Deku tightens his fists where they’re laid by Katsuki’s shoulders and starts up his stupid baby punches again. “Because I wanted it to be real today!” Katsuki’s heart stops, his stomach flips, his brain short circuits. What is Deku saying?
“What is with this martyr complex, Kacchan? I don’t want you? ‘Someone better’? Why do you get to decide what I want? Who out there is better? Why would you tell me you l-“ he sniffles and stumbles over the word “love me and then just leave me there? How could you just leave and
Ruin the best moment of my life? Right in the middle of the best moment of my life? The thing I’d been waiting for? You just left? And I had to chase you across Tokyo and listen to you behind the door and I couldn’t do anything! Why would you do that!?” And Deku is actually
Shaking him by the shoulders now. But this is all registering very slowly to Katsuki and he decides he must actually be dead.
Katsuki is dead. That’s it. He blasted too high and got hit by a goose or a comet or a fucking jumbo jet or something. The logistics of the thing don’t really matter because he’s dead. He’s in heaven now where Deku is in love with him too? Being dead is neat. Katsuki likes it.
“Deku, you’re gonna have to slow down. I think- I think I’m a dumbass.” A snort from Deku “You’re saying, you love me?” He’s misunderstood something fundamental here, right? Because there’s no way that’s what’s happening right now. Shit, is he actually concussed?
“I love you, Kacchan.”
It’s fucking fireworks. It’s fucking lightning strikes. It’s fucking blasting through the air propelled by bombs he inherited into his palms. It’s Deku laid across his starfished out body smiling against his neck. It’s heaven. It’s everything. And it doesn’t fucking make sense.
But Katsuki is so tired of fighting this shit. They can talk later, Deku will make them talk about it later and Katsuki will try to talk him out of whatever the fuck this is going to be but for right now Katsuki lifts his heavy arms and loops them around Deku’s solid waist
And tips his head down to bury his nose in Deku’s curls. He smells so good it’s disgusting, Katsuki is sniffing someone’s fucking scalp and it’s so fucking weird and cliche and he cant stop. Deku’s stopped sniffling now. Katsuki’s still got a few stray tears coming down but he’s
Been through a fucking lot today. Actually, this week. No- the past ten years. Or you know what? His entire life. His whole fucking life has just been a lot. And it’s all come to this moment where he’s sniffing Deku’s hair like a dog. “I love you, Izuku. Fucking sucks.”
Izuku presses down harder into him and winds his arms between Katsuki’s neck and the floor. He pushes his face so tight into Katsuki’s neck he might be restricting blood flow. It’s pretty fucking uncomfortable to be honest, like Deku is trying to fuse them into one.
Which like, same? Big mood, Deku. Katsuki can get behind this, but it is really starting to ache on the floor and he’s not really sure what time it is but he’s been up since the night before and life changing shit has transpired so he really needs to lay down.
He tells Deku this and Deku honest to god giggles a little and tells him “You are laying down.” Katsuki groans “Yeah, but like in a bed. My bed. Ya know? It’s like twenty feet north of us.” Deku sits up slowly and flings his leg over Katsuki, he immediately slumps onto his butt.
“You’ll call me, Kacchan?” Katsuki blinks slowly. Call Deku? Deku is here. For some reason he pats his pockets down for his phone, Deku starts to stand. Oh, Deku is leaving? “Oh. You’re leaving?” Deku tilts his head, “You need to rest, Kacchan.” Katsuki shakes his head before
Any of his self destructive thoughts tell him that yeah, Deku should leave. “I thought we were snuggling?” Snuggling. Katsuki’s whole ass mouth just said snuggling and Deku smiles so it’s worth it. “You want me to stay?” Katsuki rolls to his stomach and grunts. “To snuggle?”
“Yeah. To snuggle. S’nice, wasn’t it?” Deku concedes that it was nice and follows Katsuki to his bedroom where they’re both baffled to discover they still have their shoes on. Katsuki mutters his disgust but they kick them off right there anyway. Deku is wearing jeans so he
Offers him a pair of his sweats. They’re Ground Zero branded merch, the company sends him all kinds of this shit for free. Deku slips into the en suite to change and Katsuki does the same as quickly as his sluggish body will allow. When Deku returns he’s just settling under the
Duvet. He pats the spot on his left, so Deku climbs in over him. They lay beside each other stiffly for a minute, Katsuki isn’t nervous to make the first move, he’s just waiting to see if Deku will chicken out. That’s it. But Deku doesn’t chicken out, he giggles and says “Kacchan
I thought we were snuggling?” He says snuggling stupid, drawn out and lovesick sounding to tease Katsuki but he doesn’t bristle even a little. He chuffs a laugh and pulls Deku into his side firmly. They tangle their legs together so easily and Katsuki continues sniffing his hair
He tells himself it’s not a weird thing to do repeatedly until he falls into the best sleep of his life. Deku’s body warm against his side. Right beside him, where he’s always belonged.
💥⚡️💥tbc💥⚡️💥
When Katsuki wakes up he’s tangled up in Deku. Deku’s awake already, his head pillowed on Katsuki’s chest, hair rumpled and face sleep soft. He was obviously watching Katsuki sleep but he averts his beautiful green eyes shyly when Katsuki meets his gaze.
Katsuki’s mind isn’t online enough for him to panic yet. He’s warm and the most stunning man in the world is blinking up at him and all he can do is grin back at him like an idiot. Deku wiggles a little, untangles himself just enough to stretch up until their faces are even
Katsuki holds his breath.
Deku licks his lips and then presses them to Katsuki’s so softly and sweetly and Katsuki melts and explodes at the same time some how. He feels electricity zip down to his toes and back up to his brain. He lets out a groan that’s probably a little too dramatic for the chaste kids
But Deku doesn’t seem to mind because he presses closer and plunges his tongue into Katsuki’s mouth as soon as it opens. Katsuki’s arms fly up from the bedspread of their own accord and press Deku harder against him, earning him a sweet little hum from Deku in return.
Deku pulls back just the smallest bit and Katsuki can’t help but chase him, mouth open and tongue out. Deku giggles and rejoins their kiss, sucking Katsuki’s tongue into his mouth and then licking around it in a slow circle. The wet slurping noises should be gross but
They just make Katsuki’s hips jump. When Deku stops his sensual assault on his tongue Katsuki gathers himself enough to ask “S’funny?” Deku smiles and dips down to kiss his cheek, Katsuki flushes. “I was gonna ask if this was ok, Kacchan. But you looked like it was pretty ok.”
Katsuki doesn’t waste the energy to answer. Just sinks back into the pillows and pouts his lips for another kiss. Deku blinks at the submissive display and then dives back in to kiss Katsuki stupid(er) They kiss for what seems like forever. Katsuki’s brain does start to fight
Him. Tries to infiltrate their perfect little bubble of bliss with toxic bullshit but Katsuki shoves it off in favor of embracing the fuzz growing in his brain and his body’s growing need need need for Deku. Everything feels so good, his brain is complete mush, every kiss leaves
Him whining or gasping or letting out moans and groans. Deku’s moved to straddling him and the added weight only serves to make him sink deeper and deeper into the heady mist swirling in his brain. All he knows is Deku and how bad he wants him. Before he knows he’s doing it
He’s grinding his hips up into Deku’s. He’s so hard. He’s never been kissed, never been touched and now he’s beneath Deku, getting his soul kissed out of him and their cocks are bumping together through the layers of their sleep pants and Katsuki might die. He’s whining more
Now and he can feel how sticky and wet the inside of his boxers are getting from just how much he’s leaking for Deku. Deku pulls away from their kiss and trails them down his neck. His mouth is so hot as he smears kisses across Katsuki’s collar bones. Katsuki’s cheeks burn
When he realizes how loud he’s being without Deku’s lips and tongue muffling him. The embarrassment pools in his stomach and brain and his hands slip from Deku’s body to lay palm up on the bed. All he can do is lay there and take whatever Deku gives him. He trusts him, Deku
Is gonna take care of him. Deku sits up and takes a good look at him, Katsuki whimpers at the loss of heat and the added friction because Deku is now sitting directly on his cock. The longer Deku searches his face the harder Katsuki whines until he’s suddenly begging
He barely even knows what he’s saying, he just needs Deku to come back and kiss him more, needs Deku to keep rubbing his body against his cock. He’s close, oh god he’s so close. “Please, please, please Deku.” He’s slurring a little? He’s so out of control and all he knows is how
Badly he wants Deku to make him come. Deku smirks, it’s a little mean looking and says “Yeah? You wanna come, Kacchan?” Katsuki nods furiously and his cock twitches against Deku’s ass at the condescending tone. “You think you earned it? Have you been good?” He rocks his ass
Just a little and Katsuki’s hands clutch his thighs as he whines “I’m good! S’good please!” Deku leans back down to kiss him again and moves their hips together faster. Katsuki’s toes curl and he closes his eyes right. Deku breaks away and pants harshly in his ear.
“Mmmm, Kacchan, you are good. Feels so good doesn’t it? You feel good, baby?” It’s all he needs, hearing the endearment ends him. Katsuki’s mouth practically unhinges around the silent scream. He comes so hard he swears his brain comes out. He feels the flood of come in his pants
His cock is completely covered in come, it’s dripping down his balls and even between his legs to wet his hole. Katsuki’s shivering and gasping through the aftershocks while Deku keeps grinding slowly and murmuring sweet praises to him, kissing his cheeks and forehead.
Katsuki’s completely out of his head, he can barely hear over the cotton in his ears and his eyes droop. All he can do is wind his arms around Izuku and nuzzle against him. He feels so safe and his mind is so quiet, for the first time in his life everything feels okay, feels warm
Feels soft in Izuku’s arms. Izuku stops shifting his hips and pulls Katsuki closer to him, keeping up his steady stream of sweet nothings Katsuki still can’t really focus on but he feels Izuku’s chest rumble as he talks. Katsuki shines with no shame for the pathetic sound when
Izuku starts to move away. Izuku peppers his cheeks and nose with soft kisses before pressing a firmer one against his lips, he shushes Katsuki. “I’m gonna grab a rag, Kacchan-“ Katsuki doesn’t try to stop the desperate whimper that rips out of him at that. He’s not Kacchan -
He’s /baby/. He’s Izuku’s baby, as that thought pings around his brain Izuku answers him “Oh, of course, you’re right baby. I’m sorry. You’re so smart, you’re my smart baby.” Katsuki blinks owlishly, was he muttering out loud? But he doesn’t worry about that because Izuku agrees,
He is his baby. He feels a dopey grin stretch his face. Izuku kisses his nose again, “Can you let me go, baby? Just wanna clean you up, I’ll be right back.” Katsuki whines and pulls Izuku back in hard. Izuku chuckles and brushes his fingers through Katsuki’s hair.
“What about a bath, baby? Will you come with me and I’ll get you in the bath?” Katsuki thinks it over, Izuku chuffs a soft laugh at Katsuki’s very serious thinking face, and then shakes his head no. “No?” Deku frowns in thought before his eyes flash with resolve.
“But my baby is all messy right now. And I don’t want my baby all sticky. You look so tired, baby. Let’s get you clean and then I can hold you while you take a little nap?” And that sounds really good but something about it still just isn’t sitting right with Katsuki.
They’re laying pressed together, all the lines of their bodies matching up perfectly. The mess in his boxers has gone cool and is starting to feel gross, he wants a bath but he doesn’t want to lose Izuku’s weight beside him, doesn’t want to be out of his arms.
“Tell me what you’re thinking, baby. What do you need?” Izuku shifts up a little further so he can pull Katsuki’s head fully into his chest. Katsuki’s voice sounds so weird, so small and timid and not himself but he squeaks out “Can you - can we - together?”
Izuku listens with rapt attention as if Katsuki isn’t speaking absolute gibberish and then nods slowly. “Baby, you wanna get in the bath together?” Katsuki’s eyes light up and he nods so fast he gets a bit dizzy, Izuku laughs again and rewards him with more kisses for his trouble
Katsuki is in heaven. His limbs are so loose and relaxed and his heart is so full. His head is so empty, nothing but Izuku and that’s fine, that’s so good because Izuku is gonna take care of him so well. The only thing wrong in the entire world is the sticky mess between his legs
But Izuku is going to make that feel better too. Izuku sits up and Katsuki can’t help but whine and try to tighten his grip but Izuku shushes him gently and then pulls him up into his arms like he weighs nothing at all. He doesn’t even use his quirk and Katsuki can’t help but koo
About how strong Izuku is. He’s only vaguely aware that he’s talking out loud. Izuku looks down at him with a quirked brow as they cross the room. “Izuku?” He asks. Katsuki frowns “S’you. S’your name, isn’t it?” Izuku smiles and kisses his forehead. “Yeah, it’s my name.”
Izuku settles him on the edge of the tub and Katsuki’s so proud of himself for only whining a little when Izuku takes a few steps away to get a few washrags and two towels. Izuku tells him to be good and wait, and Katsuki is good. He’s so good, he’s gonna be the best for Izuku
Izuku starts the water, leaning over Katsuki and rubbing his arms. He wets one of the rags and gently instructs Katsuki to spread his legs. He cleans between them and Katsuki’s cheeks burn with embarrassment when Izuku moves the rag lower to wipe at his sticky hole
At least his boxers are still on and Izuku is still leaning over from behind him. He can’t see that Katsuki’s cheeks and ears pinking up or the way his tummy muscles tighten up as Izuku moves the rag gently around all his sensitive intimate places. Izuku pulls his hand and the
Rag back and kisses the back of Katsuki’s neck. The tub is almost half full, Katsuki’s legs in the warm water and his back against Izuku’s warm chest. “You wanna get in now, baby?” Katsuki just mmhmm’s quietly and Izuku helps him to stand, tossing the rag into the hamper
Without leaving Katsuki’s side. He helps Katsuki step out of his boxers, it’s a little awkward, lifting his legs high to avoid dropping them into the water. And then Izuku is helping him settle into the water. “Are you sure you want me to come in, baby? You look so comfy.”
“And I’m not looking. We haven’t /seen/ each other yet. Are you sure this is how you want it to happen, baby?” Katsuki nods and reaches for Izuku. “You can look. Want you to look at me, always. Always look at me.” Deku smiles and nods.
And then he drops his pants and climbs into the tub behind Katsuki. Katsuki peeks as much as he can but Izuku moves quickly to get in. Izuku’s cock is soft though, it’s so thick though, hanging between his thighs and then pressing against the small of his back. Katsuki smiles
Wrapped up in Izuku, water warm and thoughts fuzzy. Izuku washes his hair for him, fingers tracing gentle patterns on his scalp. Katsuki starts to come back to himself just a little. Enough to slur to Izuku that he’s ready to go back to bed and let Izuku hold him. Izuku wraps him
In a fluffy towel and pats his hair dry. Katsuki frowns, Izuku didn’t even wash his own hair and Katsuki’s just now really realizing he didn’t get off either, just slowly stopped grinding the further Katsuki drifted into his weird headspace. He gave Katsuki the most mind blowing
Orgasm in all of human history and then bathed him and dried him and now he’s tucking the comforter around them both and fluffing Katsuki’s pillow. “Is that good, baby?” Katsuki’s stomach sours just a little at that. He wanted to be Izuku’s baby when he was being good but now
- now he doesn’t feel like he’s being good. Everything Izuku’s done for him while he felt all floaty and disconnected and he couldn’t even help make Izuku feel good. He feels himself start slipping again but it’s different this time - he feels bad and scared and out of control
And he feels so embarrassed and ashamed. And while the few licks of embarrassment he’d felt before had only made him feel hotter and better, like Izuku had stripped away every defense and he welcomed it. Now the shame felt like a stone in his gut, his brain wasn’t working well
Enough to put coherent thoughts together, all he felt was the shame and a far away nagging feeling that he wasn’t good enough for Izuku, didn’t even make him come. He latches on to that thought. Make Izuku come - be good again. Be baby again. Simple easy.
Izuku is watching his face carefully, he doesn’t like what he’s seeing apparently because he gently turns Katsuki’s face to look at him. “Kacchan? Baby? Are you okay?” Katsuki doesn’t answer, turns his face into Izuku’s collarbone and reaches forward. Izuku hadn’t dressed either
Of them after their bath. It’ll be so easy to be good. He reaches until he finds Izuku’s cock blindly under the blanket. It’s soft but warm and Katsuki gasps a little at just how thick it feels in his palm, he’d felt that it was thick before when Izuku was grinding it against him
And he’d seen it quickly as Izuku had hopped into the tub. But he had no idea this is how it would feel to hold it. Izuku gasps as well as Katsuki gives the first firm tug, twisting his wrist at the crown of Izuku’s cock to rub his palm across the head just like he does to his
Own dick when he wants to work himself up. Izuku’s lips smash into his suddenly and his hand stills Katsuki’s. Katsuki pulls away from the kiss in confusion but Izuku just kisses his face all over and kisses his slack lips. Katsuki tries to reach for Izuku’s cock again but Izuku
Scoots his hips back. Katsuki huffs “Lemme, lemme do it. Please Izuku, I’ll be good at it.” Izuku shushes him, “Baby, I know. You’ll make me feel so good. But baby listen,” Katsuki stiffens, he can hear the rejection in Izuku’s tone. Izuku doesn’t want him since he was bad.
“No. No, baby, listen to me. It’s not that. It’s never that, I want you but, you look sad baby. You looked upset. I think - can I tell you what I think and you tell me if I’m right, baby?” Katsuki’s brow furrows while he tries to understand and then he nods. Izuku smiles and
Pecks his nose. “Baby, I think you’re feeling a little weird now. I think you feel very vulnerable and submissive?” Katsuki nods and looks away. “It’s okay, baby. I like it. I think you’re amazing like this, Katsuki. I love that big bad Ground Zero turned into a sweet whimpering
Baby for me. I love it.” He kisses Katsuki’s nose again when it crinkles. “I have to take care of you when you feel this way. Do you understand, baby? You’re letting yourself be so vulnerable for me and I love that you trust me so much. I have to take it seriously.”
“So I’ve been paying attention. It’s hard because you’ve been so sweet and pretty. But while I was watching you before you looked happy, you were enjoying it before, weren’t you baby?” Katsuki nods “Liked it. S’much.” Izuku beams. “I’m glad baby.”
“But just now, while we were getting settled you didn’t look happy. You looked sad, baby. Can you tell me why?” Katsuki blinks up at him and then hides his face again. “Can I try to guess again? And you’ll tell me if I get it right?” Katsuki nods into his shoulder.
“I think maybe you started to feel guilty, feel bad that you came and I didn’t.” Izuku pauses and Katsuki nods, cheeks burning. “Oh, sweet baby. You’re so sweet, worrying about me but I felt good. You don’t have to worry, I felt really good too.” Katsuki peeks up to check
Izuku’s face and see if he’s lying. Izuku looks genuine and beautiful, he’s stroking Katsuki’s back now. “And I want you to touch me, baby. I want us both to touch each other again but I want to make sure you feel good and safe while we do, okay? I don’t want my baby to look so
Sad and nervous while he’s touching me. I want him to look happy. Okay, baby?” Katsuki nods shyly and Izuku kisses him, their tongues brush but it’s still mostly chaste. “Let’s take a little nap baby. It’s been such a nice morning, let’s stay in bed just a little longer.”
Katsuki’s eyes immediately feel heavy, like just Izuku’s suggestion was enough to make his body finally give in to how tired he is. He feels good and happy again, just hearing Izuku call him baby 47 times in the last ten minutes has settled him. He snuggles closer and lets
His mind drift off and his eyes drift closed. Izuku kisses the crown of his head and whispers “Katsuki? Baby?” Katsuki hmms and Izuku hugs him tighter and answers “I love you.” Katsuki’s face splits in a grin, his teeth against Izuku’s skin as he returns the sentiment
