Gracious God. On this fine #GeneralConference morning we pray that Zach eats an entire bag of dicks and then chooses to silence himself forever. 
We pray that someone will point out to Zach that if he hears 32 men and 4 women speak at a conference, and he's only bothered by the women's voices, then there is a 100% chance that he's a raging misogynist who deeply hates women.
When Zach claims he's not a sexist asshole, and that women are just doing it wrong, please help him be reminded that he could easily go through the #ldsconf archives and listen to every woman speaker and share examples of the women's voices that *don't* bother him.
Also please help Zach realize if/when he attempts what was just suggested, and can't find a single example of a woman's voice that doesn't bother him, that it's confirmation that he is indeed a flagrant misogynist.
When Zach *still* insists he's not a misogynist piece of shit, please help him remember that he could also suggest well-known women leaders who have voices that he's not bothered by. Kamala Harris, or Elizabeth Warren, or Soledad O'Brien, or HRC — heck, even Margaret Thatcher.
Hahahahaha. Just kidding God, there is literally no woman leader that Zach could name that he doesn't openly detest.
As Zach tries and fails to name well-known women leaders whom he doesn't hate, we pray that it can be a clear lesson to him of just how deeply he hates women.
As Zach tries and fails to name well-known women leaders whom he doesn't hate, we pray that it can be a clear lesson to him of just how deeply he hates women.
And at this point God, we pray that it will occur to Zach that maybe he *shouldn't* hate women; that perhaps his current view of women is wrong. And that the world would be a better place if he *didn't* hate women.
When Zach tries yet again to claim he's not a misogynist because he has a wife, and couldn't possibly hate women because he actually thinks women are MORE holy and spiritual than men (he just doesn't like hearing their voices at GC), please help him know that no one believes him.
God, please help Zach understand that currently there is no type of woman's voice that he could hear from the pulpit that will please him. If women talk softly and sweetly, he'll complain they're talking like children...
If women talk ambitiously and authoritatively, he'll claim they're being power-hungry and not humble enough. If women talk directly or with anger, he'll say they're being bitchy and bossy. If women crack a joke, Zach will complain they're trying too hard.
Bless Zach to realize that he isn't OK with a woman's voice at the pulpit because he thinks women have no business teaching men. Sure they can teach RS, but Zach, as the predictable sexist pig that he was raised to be, truly believes there is nothing men can learn from women.
Dear God, please help Zach to understand, with every fiber of his being, that though he may feel it's a great sacrifice to remain silent forever, his thoughts will not be missed. Even a tiny bit.
Oh, and in case anyone is eating breakfast while reading this, please bless the food to nourish and strengthen our bodies.
We say these things in the name of J.C. Amen.
We say these things in the name of J.C. Amen.
