I see you.
I see you in the kitchen, wiping, cleaning, cutting, washing—embroiled in an endless list of tasks you manage to make this house our home.
I see you sitting under the fan, towel on shoulder, stretching that crik in your neck when you think I'm gone.
1.
I come sit by you, read, see your thin arms & tired fingers & thank sleep for being a solace.
Even then you always nap with your door open—half awake so that you can snap up to help any one of us.
2.
I see you will yourself to finish another task, another job, another bartan for the day.
3.
I see you when you turn on the news, half agony, half hope, for a sign of the end of this all.
I see you awake when you're pretending to sleep, mentally counting the provisions we may soon need.
4.
I cannot understand you, I come from a different breed. "Woman" means something else, with much less of sacrifice to me.
But I see you. And I believe.
And so I act out of love.
5.
I grapple for patience as I chop up tomatoes; I gulp down my own fears to assuage yours.
I laugh, and sing, and call it the 'Bartan Olympics'. I rush to finish work, rush to get tasks done before you begin.
6.
Aches and pains and soreness find easy home in your body. But mine, is a temporary hostel.
As I flip my rotis and keep you distracted (from worry) I mull.
What is the value of you, ma?
7.
8.
Why do I yell at you for going after the jhadu? Why do I creep up and wash three more vessels? Why do I not wait for baba, or bhai?
Because of you ma.
I'll wait. But you won't.
You'll do it. Despite the aches.
9
Ofcourse. I get angry. The way you smile and nod and say they're men and they don't know. The way you imply that just because we're women cooking and cleaning comes easier to us.
I argue. I rationalise.
But I willingly lose.
10.
I see you ma
I see that you aren't angry. You're scared
You aren't raging. You're nervous
You aren't shaking with irritation. You're quivering, you're anxious
11
You DON'T need to be brave.
You DON'T need to be superhuman.
You DON'T need to do it all.
You can choose to be just you, and not 'ma' for today.
I'm hear ma. I'll always be there.
Best,
Your daughter.
FIN.
What an awful typo. Sorry.
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