Thread by @MarkFrancois12

Extracts from the plague diary of Mark ne-Francois-Pepys

April 12th

Up and after an early day motion, to Easter breakfast of Eggs Resurrected a victual that speaks of renewal and Bond films that they are poached in Monster, and to a live stream from St Patriots of

1/12

Rev Granger, to my grayte vexation calling Christ the graytest Patriot and I do not give much belief to it; that four biographers and none willing to put a surname, when even Isabelle Oakshotte who puts name to her cow-slaver, I hardly think you are likely to be grayte.

2/12

After much reflection, I am come believe only 12.5% of the bible, and am therefore eighth-theist.
That the Christ’s molecular composition defies both physical laws and the intellects of Lords Newton, Einstein and Feynman is no business to me as they are middling scholars,

3/12

but that it defies Francois be a grayve concern and so to my side-project, the particle accelerator in my cellar.
I have run CERN (Cellar English for Research Nuclear) since the Brextoration and the Large Francois Colander

4/12

is a 16.77 mile ring of superconducting magnets beneath Rayleigh and Wickford around which I accelerate quanta, and of much pertinence today, that on Easter Sunday my discovering of new particles allows everyone to have a mass.

5/12

I built it with Jim Al Khalili and Frank Close, but since we fell out over a Peperami I operate it solo and recently it be broke more often than John Redwood’s caravan door, but after lighting the coals and turning it off and on a few times it be up and running,

6/12

whence my mayde Hartley-Brewer comes to discourse that Rees-Mogg be subjugating himself to Eostre on the A127 at the Fortune of War roundabout again and there is much unrest about the town, and I spake ‘Not now Hartley-Brewer’ yet too late,

7/12

depositing my Pot Noodle on the ‘Super-massive Blackhole, DO NOT TOUCH’ button, Admiral Grayling is instantaneously materialised in my cellar and as they say, nothing will come of nothing. ‘Oh Hi Mark, I was just watching Octonauts’ spake

8/12

the Admiral several Ferries short of a fleet, and that he be largely compostmentus meant he undertook not why he was no longer watching Captain Barnacles and Tweak, and I gave him distraction of a bee in a jar which gave me enough time to skype

9/12

my man Dawkins for advice and he said ‘FFS Mark, show some respect, it’s Sunday’ and then Neil deGrasse Tyson who asked if I’d turn it off and on, and then Brian Cox who said ‘the restraining order is still active Mark’ at which point Grayling smashed the jar

10/12

and was stung on the nose and much yelping so I pushed him through the hole onto Thornberry’s property and nailed a ‘Leave means leave’ placard across it.
To supper of cheese & ham Crispy Pancakes and leafing through my correspondence note that missives coming from

11/12

thoughtful neighbours offering to go to the shops or pick up prescriptions almost outweigh the hayte mail in my letterbox, and that so many isolate and protect our public services and become kind to one another since plague began, this be a brayve reason for hope at Easter.