Thread by @RadioFreeTom

This is the story of that photo, for the children about life before smartphones, and so the rest of you can get your minds out of the gutter.
I was in DC, invited to a bash with friends on Nantucket. I was flat broke, and they said: Just get here, we'll get you back home. /1

I used all my cash - no credit card at the time - to get to Nantucket. Coldest Memorial Day ever, freezing, but they were going to meet me at the ferry. So I hung with some guys on the ferry, and drank their beer. They brought a case.
My friends got shitfaced on the island. /2

The ferry arrives, big throng of people. My friends don't see me, so the sober one among them, apparently, had an idea: Drive around the island looking for me.
I have about a buck, and I start using it to make PAY PHONE calls. (Hi, kids! Those are phones that require coins.) /3

I am calling and calling, and getting their answering machine. (Kids: This is a machine that does voicemail that people used to have in their house.) They are driving around, and cannot, of course, check the phone.
It's getting dark. And cold. I am sobering up.
/4

I am now calling and basically saying: "Hi, I will die out here on the beach and you can come get my frozen body." A young lady nearby has heard all these calls, and she and her pal tell me that I can crash at their inn. They think this is hilarious. /5

I wish I could tell you that this is where the funky soundtrack with the wah-wah guitar kicks in, but no, it wasn't that interesting. They were just nice girls who took pity on an idiot and fed me a sandwich. (I stayed pen pals with one of them for a while after.)
/6

My friends, stupidly, went to the Nantucket cops, which was not a good idea.
"Your friend is homeless?"
"No, no, he's a good guy! He's a grad student, he works for Jeane Kirkpatrick!"
"He works for Jeane Kirkpatrick and he's homeless?"
This did not go well. They leave. /7

The next morning, I am cold, hungry, broke, and they finally answered the phone.
Them: Yeah, we heard the messages! They were hilarious!
Me: *urge to kill*
Them: We're on our way with booze and lobsters
Me: *all is forgiven*

The rest of the weekend was delightful. The End.
/8x