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[cw: Contrapoints, anti-autistic ableism, transphobia, doxxing, mass-harassment]

Yeah, it's a Contra thread.
So, I haven't seen the new video.
I'm not *going* to see the new video.
But I've seen a clip.
Actually,

I've only seen *parts* of a clip,

'cause I had to keep skipping around,

'cause she keeps cutting back to voyeuristic footage of an autistic trans woman having a very bad time,
being misgendered over and over and over again,

breaking down, lashing out.
And that footage is footage I've known "about" for a long time -- you know, I've been "around."

I've heard the "story."

But it's footage I've very deliberately never seen,
'cause I don't *want* to see it,

'cause I don't

fucking relish the abject fucking misery of other fucking autistic trans people.
I can't take it.

It's not even, like, a choice.

I just

would cry if I had to see it.
I can't *not* put myself in those shoes.
So, I had to skip around,

trying to miss the footage that should never have been recorded to begin with,
but I wanted to see what Contra had to say because,

I mean,

it's a subject that hits close to home.
I'm an autistic trans person.

In January, I had about 600 followers on here.
By then, I had already had her blocked for fucking months and months on end,

but she *evaded* my block,

screencapped my tweets,

presented those tweets out of context in a video seen by two *million* people,
and *told* those two million people I was possibly a Nazi, and definitely only "pretending to be trans."
"They deserve the c*ntiness," she said, immediately after featuring my tweets.
Some "fun" math:

my 600 followers on here were

about 1/400th of her own Twitter following,

or about 1/1,333rd of her YouTube subscriber count.
So, you might call it disproportionate retribution,

especially when all I ever actually said

was that you shouldn't "reach out" to shitty, abusive bigots

or actively downplay the scale of their actions.
Anyway, she painted a fucking target on my chest, and the effect was basically fucking immediate.

Hate mail.

Doxxing attempts.

"Password reset" emails from just about every single site I was fucking *on* at the time,

as people tried to fucking hack my accounts.
All because I "deserved the c*ntiness."
I had to go "protected" on here for the next two entire fucking months.
I had actual, literal nightmares about her.

I was actively afraid for my job, and my home, and myself, and my family.
I actually ended up being discussed on K*w*f*rms because I was featured in her video.

That's what she exposed me to.
So,

I'm like,

"What the fuck

"does she think she has to say

"about the mass-harassment of autistic trans people?"
And the basic point she seems to be circling around is that marginalized people

have a "sick" "addiction"

to cringe content about other people in the same groups because it gives us a chance to say,

"Well, at least I'm not like *those* people."
which,

i don't know,

speaking for your fucking self, maybe.
You like building yourself up by tearing other trans people down?

Yeah.

We fucking knew.
I *don't* like those videos.

I can't even fucking *watch* those videos.
It's not even like I'm a good fucking person or anything.

I'm mostly just a fucking mass of trauma

with no emotional regulation

and a severe fear of *any* sense of tension,

or rejection,

that was fucking *burned* into me before I can even fucking remember.
The fact that five seconds of a Youtube video can make me cry is not, like, a moral victory.

It's the end result of a lot of fucking shit.
But what I mean to say is, your experience is not universal.
"Well, okay, so, it's not universal.

"But it's still worth talking about, right?"
I mean,

maybe?
Like, in a vacuum, yes.

Some people *do* have this emotional response,

so, sure, it's good and useful to talk about where it comes from and what it does for people.

Why it happens, and what that means.
But not like this.
It's just,

it's *so many* fucking minutes of her just

fucking

vomiting up *every* *single* shitty fucking TERF talking point she can think of
about this woman who has *already* been forced to endure

almost twenty fucking years

of basically nonstop stalking, nonstop mass-harassment.
You're just sitting here, and you're going off

in the most *vivid* fucking

visceral,

*gruesome* fucking terms,

about her voice, and her shoe size,

and a million fucking things,

and it's so fucking awful,
and you just keep splicing in more and more and more and more of that fucking voyeur video.
And you're calling her "delusional," and you're calling her slurs,

and after a certain point,

there's no way this is just talking "about" the feeling, or the concept, of tearing other trans people down.
It's *just* tearing other trans people down.
It's *just* the most trite, fucking constant, fucking violent, fucking *every-goddamned-day* transphobia

rendered in lavish fucking HD detail.
And she anticipates the audience reaction,

that we'll just chalk this up as case #9,834,905,892,348,239,048

of "Natalie hating trans women who don't pass the way she does."
And the reason you see that coming is because it's fucking true.

That *is* what this is.

That is the *only* fucking thing this is.
She says, "It's not about passing,"

but then she *immediately* starts listing all the ways this woman isn't passing right.
And she explicitly picks out the one thing that's most disturbing to her,

that this woman doesn't even seem to "realize" she's not passing "right."

That she expects to be called "ma'am" when she looks

like

"that."
You hate women who don't look the way you do.

Just fucking say it.

You might as fucking well.
She also starts talking a lot about "hypermasculine" behavior,

because the woman in the video is openly yelling at a customer service person.
Because women never do that, I guess?

It's not like we have a whole fucking slang term to describe the way women *do* do that.
I mean, it's fucking clear.

You're only disgusted by her because she's trans,

and specifically because she's trans in a way you don't fucking approve of.
It's just the worst fucking thing.

It's so fucking brutal, for no fucking reason.
And I just

I can see how this is going to go.
I can see how this video is going to function,

intentionally or not.

As a shield.
"Contra lashed out against an autistic trans person and got them harassed en masse for months."

"Nuh-uh, she wouldn't. She did a whole video about how mass-harassing autistic trans people is bad."
That's what the story is going to be.

She wouldn't do it.

Never mind the fact that she *did* do it.

She wouldn't.

Because she made this video.
And every part of this video where she said something awful was "illustrating a point."

Or "being ironic."

Or "speaking through a character."

Or "fine, actually -- just not even bad to begin with.

"Just fine, through and through, and you're wrong for being offended."
Any of these, or all of them at once, because it doesn't matter, because it never matters,

because when you're rich and famous, you can get away with fucking anything.
I know that's what's going to happen 'cause it's what's *already* happened

with her non-binary videos.
"Contra *loves* non-binary people. Just look at this video.

"Where she plays a shitty, inhuman caricature for half an hour. That proves it.

"And if you say it doesn't, fuck you."
I don't like watching other trans people suffer.

I don't even like writing these fucking threads about her.

I think it's shitty, and miserable, and stomach-churning, and I hate every fucking second of it.
It doesn't make me feel "intoxicated," like she says in the video.

It doesn't make me feel powerful.
It makes me feel shitty, and tiny,

and it reminds me how much I don't matter.

'Cause I could scream for the rest of my life, and it wouldn't fucking matter.
She called me a fake trans person in front of two million people, and no one fucking cares.

Her patron count went *up* by 3,000 people.
[cw: death, suicidal ideation]

I think about how much worse my SI got,

every fucking day,

for those two or three months after the "Cancellation" video.
And I know that I literally could have died, and it wouldn't even have fucking mattered.

Those 3,000 new patrons would still be there, without a second fucking thought.
Every new video is just, "Let's Shit on More Marginalized Trans People for Money,"

and it doesn't fucking matter.
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