The real question I have about what drug he's taking is: why don't we have enough tests, or a f*cking national response to a [checks notes] PANDEMIC?
Tomorrow:
Trump: So, supposing we hit the body with a tremendous, whether it’s a ziplock or Kroger’s bag, and I think you said that hasn’t been checked, but you’re going to test it. Supposing you just put a plastic bag over your head. Sounds interesting, right?
Trump: So, supposing we hit the body with a tremendous, whether it’s a ziplock or Kroger’s bag, and I think you said that hasn’t been checked, but you’re going to test it. Supposing you just put a plastic bag over your head. Sounds interesting, right?
Headlines: Trump claims putting plastic bag over head cures COVID-19, despite warnings on the bag.
Sunday talk shows: We have here with us Dr. Smartperson to talk about plastic bags. Doctor, President Trump says that putting a plastic bag over your head could cure COVID. Can you tell us if this is a good course of treatment?
Dr. Smartperson: well, I suppose he is right in that if you put a plastic bag over your head, you won’t catch COVID-19.
Sunday host: And why is that?
Dr. Smartperson: because you’d be dead.
Sunday host: And why is that?
Dr. Smartperson: because you’d be dead.
Sunday host: So I guess he’s a little bit right then, isn’t he? Up next - America’s stores are facing a plastic bag shortage. Also: what are some cute outfits to wear to the reopening? And then later: 90,000 people are dead.
ONE WEEK LATER:
Trump: I’ve been putting a plastic bag over my head for weeks.
Trump: I’ve been putting a plastic bag over my head for weeks.
Headlines: Trump Claims to Put Plastic Bag Over Head. Experts weigh in on this unorthodox approach.
Sunday talk shows: We have here Punditperson to talk about plastic bags. Punditperson, can you tell us, have there been any studies about putting a plastic bag over your head?
Punditperson: Well, we’re waiting on study results about those who put plastic bags over their heads vs. those who don’t, and infection rates. There does seem to be some anecdotal evidence that putting a plastic bag over your head will prevent you from catching COVID.
Sunday host: Up next: which colors of bags are the most popular these days. Also: Testing - is it really necessary? Then later: there is a pandemic and 90,000 people have died.
Trump: [uh oh. people are talking again about the fact that I've done jack shit in response to a pandemic. what can I...OH WAIT.]
Inbox: President Trump's doctor issues statement on his use of plastic bags.
Inbox: President Trump's doctor issues statement on his use of plastic bags.
