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what do you get when you cross @JoeNBC and the Clintons?
Murdered

cc @morningmika
What's the difference between @JoeNBC and Jeffrey Epstein?
Jeffrey Epstein doesn't kill the girls he has sex with
How many Joes Scarborough does it take to change a light bulb?

Two, one to install the new bulb and one to dispose of the dead one.

@JoeNBC @morningmika
Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it was worried @JoeNBC would mistake it for an intern.
What is @JoeNBC's favorite jacket?
Dismembers only
What is @JoeNBC 's favorite band?
The Killers

Not because of their name
(And I say this NOT because I am afraid he will murder me)
Why did President Trump tweet in 2017 that @morningmika was "bleeding badly"?
He foresaw how her marriage to @JoeNBC would end
I mean sure these people were involved in multiple rapes over the years but they would never MURDER anyone
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Michael Malice
@michaelmalice
OK Kim Jong Un sucession master thread
Here is what you need to know

north Korea has a Constitution but it is for display purposes only
if there is any governing legal document concerning the succession it would be the Ten Commandments of the Great Leader Kim Il Sung
Kim Il Sung is the founder of the DPRK and revered as pretty much the greatest man who ever lived
Kim Jong Un's haircut is throwback to emulate that of his grandfather
north Korea is big on honorifics. So it will be General Kim Il Sung or The Great Leader Kim Il Sung. His wife, Kim Jong Suk, is Kim Jong Il's mother. She is mostly referred to as anti-Japanese heroine Kim Jong Suk and usually depicted with a gun in hand
Read 25 tweets
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Michael Malice
@michaelmalice
We are in a time where the members of the corporate press are explicitly and publicly advocating not covering the daily presidential press briefing during an international pandemic.

This is entirely at odds with those whose job it is to provide information (i.e., their opposite)
it is hard for me to appreciate how divorced from reality one has to be for a pundit to claim they should be heard out in lieu of the head of the federal government during a national crisis, and I say this as an anarchist.

Again: Not listened to, simply heard out.
the congregants have followed their training and now this is trending.
a key element of the morality of the evangelical left is the belief that if something isn't for everyone then it isn't right for anyone
it's not enough that they ignore him; they need you to as well.
Read 3 tweets
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Michael Malice
@michaelmalice
The New York Times is one of the few organizations that managed to downplay both Stalin's genocide and Hitler's.
RECEIPTS
Times covering for Stalin's genocide:
There's an entire book detailing how the corporate press (including the NY Times) downplayed the situation as Hitler rose to power
Read 4 tweets

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