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"In technology news today: Alphabet, Inc. subsidiary Tensorview has open-sourced its fifth-generation video classification framework. The framework is powered by a new hybrid deep learning convolutional-recurrent neural network, and is said to be a significant advancement."
"Trained on approximately 121 trillion hours of Youtube video and associated comments, the framework is able to efficiently classify, index, and search video by topic, theme, sentiment, facial similarity, background scenery, and approximately 100 other finer-grained dimensions."
"The framework is currently complex and difficult to integrate, but Alphabet CEO Brad Fetterer said it would become easier for developers to leverage over time. Alphabet has committed to improving the documentation, language bindings, and fine-tuning APIs by the end of the year."

"Did you sign up for Facetok?"
"Facetok, it's new. Everyone's at school is on it."
"Oh, yeah, that. Maybe. Sure. Getting tired of Twitter."
"Here, look, it's easy, I'll help."
I have read and agree to the above terms and conditions.

"In financial news today: the Federal Trade Commission has tentatively approved the acquisition of Facetok Inc. by Florida-based Lifestream Productions. The transaction is projected to net approximately $150 billion in cash and stock options."
"Lifestream, producer of the gritty but wildly popular reality TV show 'Trueman', says it hopes to leverage Facetok's compute infrastructure, information assets, and machine learning expertise to produce more realistic and personally-tailored video entertainment in the future."
I have read and agree to the above terms and conditions.

"In legal news today: the Ninth Circuit's Judge Bradley has dismissed Doe v. Lifestream with prejudice. Plaintiffs filed suit following Lifestream's acquisition of Facetok last year, seeking to block the transfer of user data. Experts say an appeal is unlikely to succeed."
"The consolidated class action suit sought to block Lifestream's use of approximately 160 exabytes of video and audio data. This ruling affirms the legal validity of Facetok and Lifestream's Terms of Service, including its mandatory arbitration and third-party transfer clauses."
These Terms of Service form a legally binding agreement between you and us.

"Look at you, TV star."


"Trueman! Lilly. Makeup artists... miracle workers, right? I don't know how you manage to pull that shit off; I was convinced. Let's go out."

"You're nuts, but thanks. Someday I'll get you to lay off the pipe and give normal compliments."
"So, where to?"

"Sorry, I told you, I can't go tonight. I have to pick up the kids, then I have a late conference call, then I'm going to watch some TV. Tired. Can we go out tomorrow?"

"Okay, fine. I'll meet you here at seven and you can try to keep up this whole humble act."

"Finally. I swear, if I have to sit through one more hour of that idiot's incessant synergy-babbling after hours..."


"Can't believe she watches this trash. Trueman? This is some grim shit. Hell. Maybe I'll at least see who she thinks I look like."

"Wait, is that who..."
"...she thinks I... look..."
"What the hell"
"What in the actual hell"
"Shit shit shit"
"But that was years a..."
"How did they..."
"No fucking way..."
"How did they get a..."
"Oh God, now they all..."
"Where the hell are you? We were supposed to meet at seven. Look, just because you're famous now doesn't mean you can blow me off whenever you want. It's eight fucking PM. Text me back in the next five minutes or I'm leaving."
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