Extracts from the plague diary of Mark ne-Francois-Pepys
May 26th
Up, and almost blind with sending template messages to constituents, I am fitting myself to go abroad to Chingford on my horse Evoque 2.0 to test the ill condition of my eyes,
1/8
May 26th
Up, and almost blind with sending template messages to constituents, I am fitting myself to go abroad to Chingford on my horse Evoque 2.0 to test the ill condition of my eyes,
1/8
and swearing the boy Bridgen and mayde Hartley-Brewer to travel too that God be praised! we arrive safely it may be nice to sit on a bench in Epping Forest and drink a four pack of Monster. After, to the weightiest of sessions about this Cummings business,
2/
2/
and that the advisor should never be the story I find it well that the aide Johnson takes a backseat. Duke Cummings speaking with a most refined aversion to remorse did discourse at length on circumstances familiar to most but extenuating
3/
3/
to him, those of being a parent, and such is his genius the mob are reduced to wondering at his bladder capacity during lengthy journeys, and though a mighty point of the privileges of the subjects of England is to take the piss, I do believe
4/
4/
we should not satirise the catheterised; yet still the journalists come and the great Bladdiator despatches them one by one that his prostate must ne’er prostrate our democracy. Great personal frustration that unlike our superborecaster’s urinary tract I need excuse myself
5/
5/
to make water, whereupon I am hearing of suspicious rustlings, and an investigation discloses Prince Andrew behind the door of trap three, not a bead of sweat about him, sat astride the chodbin eating Werther's Originals and whispering all the answers to Dom, and that there is
6/
6/
a power behind every throne, this nemesis of Maitliss is ours. Besides, whilst Duke Cummings may be pisspraxic he at least takes no wage, feeling it proper he should only be paid by one government, and I believe integrity is his strongest weapon and belike a family
7/
7/
on a non-stop unplanned journey up the A1 we have everything crossed for him, and it being summer and with today’s spectacle the closest we’re getting to a footy tournament this year, we all departed merrily singing ‘Its Cumming home, its Cumming home, its Cummings’
And plentiful thanks to the original paintriot Will Overman for unearthing this gem from the County Durham tourist board!
