Thread by @MarkFrancois12

Extracts from the plague diary of Mark ne-Francois-Pepys

May 30th 1665

Up pretty betimes to attend a committee of my think tank, Think, Tank! at the eastbound Days Inn, Clacket Lane. Melanie Philips and Daniel Hannan already in our conference room,

1/9

tart-faced from their breakfast vinegar and our most recreant mollusc James Delingpole, a little fuddled on two cans of Monster, did talk nothing but dogwhistle, though he was not drunk to scandal, and also comes Darren Grimes, reddening that his mother

2/

insists on dropping him off with his gaming chair because of his back and Lord! to see how our maverick mind armada is in discourse, sharing original libertarian designs and wearing our learning so lightly. To business and my PowerPoint on prohibiting all but the

3/

upper tax bracket use of the outside lane of the motorway, and also on axing speeding fines by placing honesty boxes on the dashboards of our horses, all warmly received with that braying, somewhere between a sow gelder and a cow and a dog that marks Think, Tank! assemblies.

4/

After KitKats Melanie did present one of her fabled spite-papers and a great transport of joy to hear her life-affirming prose spoke so easily, and upon conclusion of spinning in his chair, young Darren in fetching Lugenpresse t-shirt, speaks most unhappily of the MSM and we

5/

hope to further erode public trust in those members of the press with whom we disagree, that this may liberate our venerable leaders of the tedious obligation to e'er look at themselves. As the Dunkin Donuts arrive, news is brought to the Haw Haw suite of rioting in America

6/

after unproven allegations of racist slaughter, with no witnesses beside those millions with eyes in heads, and we hear that a journalist is arrested for broadcasting live whilst black, and there is much head scratching among our number as to how thick-necked thiefcatchers
7/

come to feel so emboldened to seize a journalist with impunity, but with no answer in reach, we conclude it is the rioters fault and whilst endemic racism and murder may be wrong, we cannot fathom why they don't just kneel before NFL games instead. Thus, cerebration with the
8/

rarest minds of our age ends, and I away, wanting a little to get some time on the fruities, and after spending a Vitealite tub full of Brexit 50ps to no end, home and later asking Duke Cummings if I could go to a funeral this week, am told absolutely not, Froobs, bed.

(With thanks to @Will_Overman for unearthing this gem of a 17th Century service station conference suite)