Thread by @Yvonne_Maphosa

Ok so let me tell you my #SaltAndVinegar experience 😭😭🙆🏾‍♀️🙆🏾‍♀️

Ok so vele things and me are like a priest and a cross, inseparable!

So vele there was no way I was going to let a challenge like this pass me by.

Because vele I'm extremely brave 🤥

https://twitter.com/Yvonne_Maphosa/status/1268418971558121472

I don't have vinegar in the house 😔
[What do people use vinegar for? 🤔]

But the instructions were clear: Put Salt and Vinegar under your bed and see the witches responsible for your poverty 👩🏽‍🏫

So since I didn't have vinegar, I improvised 😝

But I'm smart, so I used a packet of chips: SALT AND VINEGAR 🤯

This challenge was to catch witches red handed.

Mina I don't have a bed 😔

Witches cause poverty
I don't have a bed because of poverty. Because witches cause poverty. Catch my drift?

My point: I don't have a 🛏

So I removed the air from the chips, you know, made it flat, then I put it under the sponge and slept on top of it expectantly 🥱😴

I'm ready to see my enemies in the spiritual realm 🤺 📿🤺

Fast Forward: Dreamland

I started dreaming but wide awake. Like day dreaming but at night. Like dreaming while awake. You feel me? 😊

Then: SLEEP 😴

THEN there's a knock and I get up and two witches are by the door. I'm quite sleepy because I'm sleep walking 😴

I say hi
They say hi
I say You the ones bewitching me? They say sometimes. Fair enough. Honesty is a virtue 🤝

I ask to see their Witchcraft Permit since witchcraft is legal in 🇿🇼

They show me and they have credentials better than Dumbledore and Gandalf combined 👏

I say, come on in. Come do your thing and I'll watch.

They say, it doesn't work that way ma'am. We'll take the night off. You go back to sleep dear sweet child.

So I tell them ukuthi either they come in or I call the police! They decide to come in 🧙‍♀️ 🧙‍♂️

They get in and sit on the chairs. I reach under and give them some of the chips because they look hungry.

They look pretty uncomfortable but who cares.

I pretend to look for something in the wardrobe kanti I'm dialling my pastor. He was parked outside vele, on standby

In 45 seconds, Priest walks in. He sprinkles them with holy water and their skin starts burning 🔥

I call the fire brigade💦

They run out. Priest and I start chasing them.

They parked their brooms outside but I'm fast so I set the brooms on fire. So no more transport witches!

Then we get somewhere after 10 km non stop running and we see a man in the middle of the road. The witches start crying and saying sorry. I'm there thinking, what the?

The man opens his wings 😲😇

He tells the witches that they are going to hell for making other children poor

I say hi to the angel and introduce myself. I open my backpack and give him my CV incase they ever need an extra angel. I also give him a signed copy of my book and he promises to review it 🤩

He handcuffs the witches with holy cuffs and throws them in the back seat of his car

He tells us to stay in prayer and fast often. We say Hallelujah and give him messages to take to heaven

"Tell Moses lo Absalom I love them
Tell Rebecca I'm her biggest fan
Is Solomon still taking wives? Because I'm single over here"

He says "Sho Sho. Wear a mask and stay safe✌️

Then the car disappears 😲

The priest says we don't have to run back because priests are born with 3 teleportation strikes

So we teleport to my house. The fire brigade had just finished putting out the fire and everyone leaves.

I says thanks guys and they say✌️.

The entire house was burnt down to ashes but it was late so I said goodbye to the firemen and the priest.

"I'll call you again, if ever I need you to put out a fire", I say nicely 🙏

They say: "Cool. The hotter you are, the faster we come"

It took me a while to get it 😭🤣

Anyway, I get into where my house was and I suddenly start feeling hungry. Phela it was a long night! So I take the only thing that didn't burn, the packet of salt and vinegar chips 🥵

I eat them. I eat and eat and keep eating until I fall asleep 😴

Then BOOM 🙆🏾‍♀️🙆🏾‍♀️🙆🏾‍♀️
It gets real!

Three more witches walk in 😭😭😭