I know it'll likely ruin my shot at gainful employment in the future, and that I'll regret doing this for a long time. But, fuck it.
Yeah, boy, I've got some stories to tell about #CahIsOver.
Yeah, boy, I've got some stories to tell about #CahIsOver.
I worked for CAH for about a year as their first Designer in Residence, someone who worked on developing new games that the office might consider taking to market if they ended up jiving with CAH's branding. I worked out of the office for about 2 years after that.
So trust me when I say that I've had my fair share of experiences with CAH. It's difficult for me to type this because someone at CAH did quite literally save my life when I needed it most. But the truth is that I wouldn't have needed that in the first place if not for them.
The truth is that marginalized people, especially people of color, were often regulated to the sidelines in terms of staffing because of a company culture that prized Who You Knew over actual Gainful Employment or Benefits. Which reverberates over the entire structure of CAH.
A lot of CAH's branding and overall signature message is more about the performance and the spectacle of allyship rather than the actual difficult act of being an ally. I saw a lot of marginalized people come and go through that office while well-off white people would get jobs.
Personally, after my stint as a designer, which left me with crippling anxiety over losing my job for Not Being Good Enough At Making CAH Again, I tried to ask around for resources or connections that might help. And y'know what I got back? Nothing. An offer to clean up my resume
They moved me out to a new city with very few resources and nets to catch me in case I fell for eight months and immediately dropped me off at the sidewalk. I had savings, but that was only enough to keep me around for a year, tops. And still, no help.
I struggled to find housing and employment for a long time. I didn't want to tell anyone that I was virtually homeless because I didn't want them to think that I was useless. Somehow, I figured it out through friends who weren't associated with Cards. It took a long time,
At one point, I was asked if I wanted to help out with their pop-up shop. It was minimum wage and it was only offered to people who were associated with Cards but who weren't working there. Guess who! A bunch of other marginalized people who weren't given the same shot.
It felt so emblematic of CAH as a culture: making a big show of allyship and performance only to give us minimum wage and a shitty retail position in return. It felt like a slap in the face after everything.
And of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't talk about Max. I'm not ashamed to admit that I was friends with him for a while there. I am ashamed to admit that I didn't stand up and say something in light of the allegations against him even though I was well aware.
I have zero excuse here. I looked around at everyone else, people who were all supposedly woke enough to know better. I figured the conversations had already happened. That everything was cool.
Nope. Far from it. Everyone was just silent because nobody wanted to lose their job.
Nope. Far from it. Everyone was just silent because nobody wanted to lose their job.
And y'know what? I'm a coward for that. I'll have to live with that shame. But nobody else should have to. Nobody else should have to stay silent in the face of something like that when they know better. Nobody should feel like they can't speak up when someone is accused of rape.
So at the end of the day, it felt like the face of CAH was this woke start-up when the reality was whisper networks of marginalized people and over-the-top performances of allyship without any actual recompense. Nobody should feel like a diversity token hire.
So to end this horrible shitpile of a thread in a nice little bow, CAH, if you're looking at this, and I know you are, you have a lot of work to do. A lot of work.
I know this will cost me a lot in the end. But I've been simmering about this for years. And if not now, then when?
I know this will cost me a lot in the end. But I've been simmering about this for years. And if not now, then when?
Alright I'm gonna go have an anxiety attack, y'all have a great day.
Not to kick the hornet's nest twice in a single day but please listen to the voices of people who have come and gone just like I did. Plenty of people have spoken up about their own anecdotal experiences with C*rds, and personally, I believe them.
Here is another account of some abuses of power against marginalized staff just trying to stick up for each other.
And here is an account of someone who was with him at the time. I believe them both.
