#WakeUpStAnnes is a very long-awaited reckoning for my high school. I had a wonderful high school experience - how could I not? The system was built for me: a straight, blond, blue-eyed white girl who did well in school and never caused any trouble.
My mom sacrificed so much for me to go there - even more so as a single mother. I love her for that. But I can stand here today saying that that 15-page document listing incidents is only a very small drop in a very big bucket.
I have a very deeply embedded relationship with fear, for various personal reasons. There have been so many times in my life when fear drove the decisions I made. Fear kept me safe in a number of turbulent situations.
Cushioned by my absolute privilege, that fear became cowardice, and was allowed to thrive without consequence. I watched as these things happened without opening my mouth.
Areas where groups of Black girls spent time together were routinely nicknamed “the ghetto.” When I matriculated, a student body of around 400 strong included 22 Black students. Twenty. Two.
That extremely British, Anglican school afforded me every opportunity and stepping stone in life, and for that I am grateful. But at what cost to others? To pretend that its history wasn’t steeped in colonialism and therefore racism would be a lie.
What absolutely *breaks* me is that the school acts in loco parentis. Imagine taking on this responsibility, for these babies, and then going on to hurt and mistreat them in this way, for over 140 years, and believing you would get away with it? 
Imagine taking responsibility for their safety and wellbeing and betraying them like this, over and over again? We had respect for hierarchy and authority drummed into our very bones, which still negatively affects me in every boardroom that I sit in today.
This belief system, stamped into my brain, coupled with my cowardice, has stopped me from speaking out against teachers, lecturers and managers for my entire adult life.
This does not absolve my lack of action, but rather speaks to an environment where Black girls were stifled, and my inaction could continue unchecked. If it did that to me, as a cishet white person, imagine what trauma the Black students have carried with them into adulthood?
We were rewarded for displaying the attributes of the "ideal St Anne’s Girl" while Black students were told that they were too loud, too threatening, too angry - how do you live, let alone succeed, in an environment that rewards you for your silence?
We were taught to be quiet, ladylike, respectful. It’s been 18 years since I went to St Anne’s and honestly? Fuck that. They're meant to mould students, care for them, grow them. They have failed at that responsibility, and I failed as a peer by allowing them to continue failing.
Black students of St Anne’s, both past and present, you deserve so much better than both I and the school have deigned to give you. The school needs to acknowledge this beyond neutral platitudes and statements, and do the work required for long-term change.
I hope this is supported by St Anne’s Old Girls. We speak to that network with such pride - it’s time to utilise it to its full potential beyond reunions and newsletters, supporting these students who've shouldered an adult fight that should never have been theirs to start with.
Take a look here for further support and information, and check #WakeUpStAnnes on here and Instagram: bit.ly/2BPwg5B
