Thread by @ErikLoomis

Let the Ultimate Sandwich Thread begin! I will discuss the state of American sandwiches generally, then go into each of these sandwiches with my Objectively Correct positions, and then also discuss sandwiches not included.

I had to get myself revved up for this by having this delicious lobster roll from Dune Brothers in Providence. Now this is a sandwich!

Now that I have that yummy inside me, it's time for the sad news that the state of the American sandwich is largely a disaster.

In fact, the state of the sandwich is like the state of the nation. At the very peak, you can find elite wonderful sandwiches. But the vast majority of people are mired in Subway.

Problem #1 is that American bread is an abomination against both God and man.

It's gotten a little better in recent years I guess, but it's still mostly terrible. You just can't have a good sandwich without good bread. And most places? Mediocre at best.

Problem #2 is that so many places use second rate ingredients. You can't have a good sandwich unless everything in there is good.

Problem #3 is Subway itself, which takes everything mediocre about the American sandwich and makes it even more mediocre. And this is the hegemon.

Now, let's compare the American sandwich to Europe. While I suppose one can get unlucky in Europe and have a bad sandwich, every time I've been in Europe, I can go to a corner store or a kiosk in a train station and get a sandwich with great bread, brie, and a quality meat.

The sheer fact that good bread is the norm, that good cheese like brie is the norm and that excellent meats are the norm is a stark contrast to the norm of America, which is whatever those Subway rolls are, tasteless veggies, processed cheese, and cheap, corn-infused deli meat.

So the argument that America is a sandwich heaven is just objectively wrong.

That said of course, there are a lot of good sandwiches in America. Many of them are highly regional, which goes to the point again that the average American sandwich, which is how this has to be valued, is far, far below that of Europe. But let's talk--and judge--some sandwiches

Sandwich #1) Bacon, egg, and cheese

This is fine. I don't do a lot of breakfast sandwiches. But at its best, its very good. I strongly extremely recommend the Tudor's Biscuit World chain in West Virginia on this one.

Sandwich #2: Grilled cheese

It's generally sacrilege to say anything against the grilled cheese. So I won't. Who can really complain about the grilled cheese?

Sandwich #3: Pulled Pork

This is almost always a vast disappointment. This is because too much pulled pork is a bottle of Sweet Baby Ray's poured over the meat. Too sweet, too saucy. A sadly overrated sandwich.

Sandwich #4: Bahn Mi

How we bombed the living hell out of Vietnam and then they gave us this sandwich from the gods seems very unfair. A++ sandwich.

Sandwich #5: BLT

You can't really go wrong with a classic like this and yet it usually doesn't live up to the hype. Helps if the tomato isn't garbage, which it usually is.

Sandwich #6: Italian Sub

OK, this one is complicated. At its best, the Italian is amazing. I can get some truly fantastic examples of this in Rhode Island with those great Italian meats and provolone and nice bread. The problem is that the prime example of this genre is Subway.

And really, it's not just Subway. This has become the generic "sandwich" in America. And that means American cheese and bad versions of ham and pallid veggies and bad bread. Like everything else with food, it depends on the quality of the ingredients.

So there's probably no sandwich with as huge a difference between what it can be and what it is usually is than the Italian.

Sandwich #7: Thanksgiving

Terrible sandwich. The only reason to eat turkey on Thanksgiving is tradition if you have a family where that matters. The cranberries exist to give the turkey some taste. And stuffing on a sandwich is gross. Very bad sandwich.

Sandwich #8: Lobster Roll

Thank you Lord

Sandwich #9: Turkey Club

A vastly overrated sandwich. I always the bacon is going to save this from the turkey but it never does. Never not disappointing. And an extra slice of bad white bread in the middle isn't doing anything but make it harder to eat.

Sandwich #10: Tuna Melt

Absolutely inedible. Tuna melts are disgusting and people should be ashamed to admit eating them. Gross. Why would you do this to tuna?

Sandwich #11: Fried chicken

This one has become much more interesting in recent years with the rise of artisan sandwiches taking the best of southern cuisine around the nation. This has moved from KFC & other fast food and mediocre sandwich shops to some extremely tasty examples

Sandwich #12: Cheesesteak

Philly, your sandwich sucks as bad as your sports fans.

I mean, the cheesesteak is OK if you are drunk. Otherwise, why would you eat this? Bread does tend to be better than I expect though.

Sandwich #13: Cubano

Nearly a perfect sandwich. Salty meats, decent cheese, pickles. Hard to improve on this one.

Sandwich #14: Meatball Sub

Why does this exist? Who wants a meatball in a sandwich?

Sandwich #15 and #16: Croque Monsieur and Croque Madame

These are not sandwiches. If you can't pick it up, it's not a sandwich.

Sandwich #17: Reuben

Everyone likes the Reuben more than I do. It's fine. I'll eat one every now and again. I do not get the hype.

Sandwich #18: Gyro

Solid, another example of immigrants making American food less terrible.

Sandwich #19: Po Boy

Hard to complain about a sandwich created in solidarity with striking workers. Outside of New Orleans though, the quality.....varies a lot.

Sandwich #20: Caprese

If the tomato and mozzarella are good, this is one of the finest foods imaginable. But most of the time, this is not the case.

Sandwich #21: Patty Melt

Just eat a damn burger. And why aren't we talking about burgers as sandwiches anyway? The Patty Melt is like making a hamburger worse. Next.

Sandwich #22: Egg Salad

What can you say about this standard? Usually solid, rarely spectacular.

Sandwich #23: French Dip

Why do I want to dip my sandwich in a bowl of soup? OK I guess, but like the Reuben, I don't get why people like this so much.

Sandwich #24: PB&J

Fine if you are 8.

Sandwich #25: Torta

Thank you Mexico. Thank you so much. God I love a Torta. Should I have chorizo? Or milanesa? Or carne asada? Bread better than expected. Plus guac. Plus salsa. I am really missing not going to Mexico this summer.....

Sandwich #26: Roast Beef

I do a love cold roast beef sandwich very much.

Sandwich #27: Jamon Beurre

One of the finest sandwiches the world has ever seen. If this country was a better place, this would be more common here.

Sandwich #28: Tonkatsu

I'm not really convinced that Japan's addition to the sandwich world is really all that and a bag of seaweed chips

Sandwich #29: Monte Cristo

Why would you take a good sandwich and make it sweet? Ugh.

Sandwich #30: Ham and cheese

If we are talking some ham and cheese at some local deli, it's probably not good. If we are talking about a place that actually cares about serving quality pork products and good cheese, it's probably awesome.

Sandwich #31: Bagel with lox

I guess I never really thought of this as a sandwich per se before, though obviously it can be categorized this way. Basically dependent on whether the bagel and salmon are good which means 99% time outside of New York, forget it.

Sandwich #32: Falafel

Yes, please.

Sandwich #33: Chicken salad

20 times better if it is curried chicken

Sandwich #34: Veggie and hummus

This seems more like a collection of ingredients than a defined sandwich. Which veggies?

Sandwich #35: Bologna

Ah yes, the terrible cut-rate Americanized version of Italian meat products. Shall we go back to the start of the thread?

Sandwich #36: Italian Beef

OVERRATED!

Sandwich #37: Kentucky Hot Brown

Ok, first, again this is not a sandwich. Open-faced sandwiches are not sandwich. But more to the point, the Kentucky Hot Brown is a freaking disaster. I realize you have to add 17,000 calories to make turkey edible, but c'mon.

The Kentucky Hot Brown is one of America's worst regional foods. I mean, it isn't quite at the Skyline Chili/St. Louis pizza level, but for something seen as so fancy and special, it is good. Kentucky's other brown product is much, much better. Stick to what you are good at.

I think every time I've had a Kentucky Hot Brown, I've been in bed for three days after.

Sandwich #38: Bocadillo

Yes. Definitely yes.

Sandwich #39: Liverwurst

Huh. You know, I don't think I've ever had liverwurst.

Sandwich #40: Cucumber Tea

What I don't understand with these is cutting off the crust. Otherwise, simple and tasty.

Now, let us evaluate some other sandwiches that did not make the list.

First, the muffuletta. This is a brilliant sandwich. I wish it would spread more. I feel like it is more available than it was 10 years ago. That olive spread, if done right, that's the good shit.

The South Dakota hot beef sandwich? No.

The Fluffernutter may be Massachusetts' worst contribution to America.

I am surprised the Beef on Weck did not make the graphic. A Buffalo classic. A bit too salty for me, even though I really like salt. But an interesting sandwich.

The Sloppy Joe is another sandwich to eat when you want to feel sick for 2 days.

We also need to discuss BBQ here. I know pulled pork is technically BBQ but usually in its most generic form. The actual solid BBQ states produce outstanding sandwiches based on that meat. There is nothing that beats a good brisket sandwich from a quality Texas place.

Obviously good Carolina or KC BBQ can make a great sandwich. Not sure though about that not good Kentucky mutton BBQ. Shall we revisit about how Kentucky food classics are not good?

Then there are those ridiculous Iowa sandwiches with the gargantuan portion of pork cutlet on a tiny roll that covers 10% of the sandwich. The worst thing about running for president has to be pretending to be into those things.

Also, Primanti Brothers being famous for putting fries on a sandwich is a strong indication of the sharp limits of what passes for good food in western Pennsylvania.

What else? Cemitas, another good Mexican sandwich variation. The meat loaf sandwich, meh. I've never had the supposedly legendary Chow Mein sandwich from Fall River. Given that I only live 20 minutes away, I guess I should try it.

Pimento cheese can be a guilty pleasure.

Fried fish sandwich? I think those McDonald's versions broke me when I was a child and I can't deal.

In conclusion to this ridiculous thread, the state of the American sandwich is highly mixed. Many of our iconic sandwiches are bad. Some of the best can only be found in one place, hardly making them a regular on our plates.

We need better bread, better meat, better cheese, better veggies, and to ban Subway.

Good day.

Oh yeah, here's a good playlist about sandwiches for your listening pleasure

google.com/search?q=songs…