Thread by @OrjiUka

Sometime in June 2001 I travelled to Lagos to stay with my Uncle. There I heard almost all Ohafia adages I know today. I felt bad that I didn't know enough. Now I look back with pride. In his memory I will share some + the somewhat ones. What is an Ohafia adage without vulgarity?

1. Ekpo ka ekpo kpuru nke ndudu ekpuha ~ When the mighty masquerade dresses up, the smaller one(s) undress.

This is even recognised by the constitutional law principle to the effect that when the National Assembly passes an Act then the Law of a State Assembly must give way.

2. Ikpe ekpere okwuru ekpe ra ya oşhogo ~ The judgment meted out to fresh okro must also be the judgment for dry okro.

This flows from our inherent sense of justice. Likes must be treated alike. It mirrors the English saying, what is good for the gander is good for the goose.

3. Owu ife di a nke ebulu di a nke a mkpi ~ it is same thing that is found in the ram that is found in the he-goat.

This needs no explanation.

4. Ana egbu ebulu ifu aniga di mkpi nma ~ when you are killing a ram, the he-goat will be frowning its face.

... perhaps because the he-goat knows the fate of the ram will also befall it. Again, because of the principle in Ohafia customary law that likes must be treated alike.

5. Ikpe ma utara wu ofuo adigi utuo ~ the only adverse judgment against eba is that the soup is not sweet.

I think this flows from the belief that eba has no utilitarian value of its own. You can only enjoy eba if the soup is sweet.

6. Ugwo iji amu wu iku ya kpam kpam ma inyugba mmamiri ~ your only debt to your manhood after taking a piss is to hit it up and down.

7. Mkpi si ife meni oji aŕa mma ya wu maka o zi ya onye wu nna ya ~ The he-goat says that the reason why he sleeps with his mother is because she refused to show him his father.

Oh well

8. Mkpi si kama mkpeta ya pu uka, onye omin kperi a mma ya ~ The he-goat says that instead of sex to cause problem in the community, let every one go and sleep with their mothers.

This is actually hilarious and is indicative of the reasoning in ancient times. Now history.

9. Kama mmai ya e sere ogo abuo uka, ya ite mmai wa r'uzo ~ instead of palm wine to cause problem between two families in law, let the keg break on the way.

This shows that we are inherently peace loving people.

10. Oturukpokpo si mma ya nwua ya egwere onu gwu a ili ya. Mgbe mma ya nwu, onu tu a ya ~ The woodpecker boasted that when his mother dies, he won't need a grave digger. When his mother died, he had a swelling on his beak.

This is for those who threaten hell but do nothing.

11. Mgbe iji ata onye ifife, odighi onye ya ka ini uka. Kama onye ifife takwara iji, ndi ife a si le o ri iji ~ When the house fly bites the mad man, no one will say anything but when the mad man retaliates, people will start calling him house fly eater 🤣🤣🤣

12. Mkpukpu nne ewu kpu, aniga afa nwa ya ishi ~ the narrow opening successfully navigated by a she goat cannot be an obstacle for its offspring.

This common sense and merits no further explanation.

13. Omumu aniga ha ubiara, ma owu ya, owu nwa onye ibi aha n elege enyi ~ Childbirth is not a function of size, if not the child of a man suffering from hyrocele would have been as big as an elephant.

You just wonder what the person that coined this adage was thinking.

14. Aniga eji ura atuiri onwu, aka yara apata ahatagi ~ You cannot compare sleep with death after all the hand and the tigh are not equal.

#DontLeaveMeTakeMeWithYou

15. Aniga eji giri giri eje ofia erue, mowuya, okpa erina gba gi ya ~ You don't use force/power to go mushroom hunting in the forest, otherwise your leg will eat all of it.

I am not sure those who haven't gone mushroom hunting will appreciate this. It requires dexterity.

16. Onye bande ndi ara ishi me wo asaa ~ The person that catches/embraces 6 mad men has made them 7.

This makes me laugh every time I remember it.

17. Aniga ebiri ta amatagi ~ You cannot live together without knowing each other.

Na so. Obviously the person never visited London where strangers live together without seeing other for months.

18. Aniga-aso mgbagbu eje ogu ~ You do not avoid going to war because you are afraid of being shot dead.

You know we are the land of warriors, so this shouldn't surprise you. The only surprise is the reference to "mgagbu" which means that this is a relatively modern adage.

19. Aniga aso ikpu ukwu egwu owu ya a ŕa onwe ya ~ You should not be afraid of a big vagina. It won't sleep with itself.

I told you. Well, except that one can only doubt the efficacy of that adage in 2020.

20. Nwoke ya ra nwami aniga akpa~ A boy and a girl cannot be friends.

Straight face.

21. Onye ifife si ife meni o ji anoga azu ma ana-eme marching wu maka omarale si onwe mgbe oya eru, wo asi "about turn" ~ The mad man says that the reason he always prefers to stay at the back during parade is because at some point the commander will shout "about turn".

22. Aniga e ji amu ukwu e meyi onye ukpara egwu - You don't use a big manhood to threaten a prostitute.

Enough said.

23. Okuku si ya niga etu mkpu ha ife ji ya hapu ya, kama owu ha uwa nuru olu ya ~ The chicken says it is not screaming so that whatever is carrying it will set it free, instead it just wants the rest of the world to hear its cry and bear witness.

24. Ana akpa uka ogwe nno, yo di elege ndi inyom wa nyu ali - When men are making plans how to construct/repair the public toilet, women will be acting as if they defecate on the floor.

Feminists look away please.

25. Okuku si ya niga alaba si afuo ejule ya, kama owu si ya fugakwagi uzo ~ The chicken says that it is not going to bed because it has fed to its satisfaction but because it is now dark and it can no longer see clearly.

I think this is a good place to say...

To be continued...