1) Tip: whenever I come across a dialog that implicates my complicity in oppressive structures (colorism, for example), I don’t share my feelings. I stay quiet & listen to those who are impacted speak...permanently. Even when invited into the dialog, I simply cite what those...
2) who are impacted have said. There is no reason for my voice to enter the chat. If I am checked for unwittingly engaging in problematic behavior, I listen, clarify, ask what the preferred way to rectify the situation is, & resume listening. If asked to speak on the topic...
3) I acknowledge the dialog exists, that I’m aware of its leaders/participants, & redirect accordingly. What’s my point w/all of this? You aren’t listening to become a specialist, or even to offer help. You’re listening to learn where your lane is & how to stay in it.
4) Guilt/ego are what drive white tears. If you want to stop them, take correction as a message that you haven’t learned your lane yet & need a more reserved approach to that area. Find the participants in that dialog & incorporate them into your regular, existing info sphere.
5) Bonus tip 1: when someone becomes so comfortable & familiar with their own lane that they can/do spot & correct when/how someone else is swerving out of their own, they’re called an ally. I personally don’t consider someone an ally if they don’t know their lane.
6) Bonus tip 2: there may be people from that group who personally like/trust you enough to invite you to step out of your lane. Doesn’t matter. It’s your job to know your lane, no one else’s. Your one Black/gay/disabled/etc. friend isn’t responsible for your actions.
