A cop hit on me when I was 21 and drunk in front of a club. I told him to go f**k himself. He slammed me against a wall and when I resisted, wrestled me to the ground and arrested me. I was taken to the precinct and cuffed to a pipe in front of a drunk tank of men for 18 hours.
I spent the weekend in custody, miserably hungover and sobbing, still wearing a miniskirt and high heels. When I was booked that Monday, I found out the cops wrote in their report that they arrested me because I walked up to them and said I had crystal meth on me.
To be clear, I have never done meth, and if I had been, I certainly wouldn’t have volunteered that information to the police. I had no drugs on me when I was searched. They originally charged me with resisting arrest and assaulting a police officer, both felonies with jail time.
I was a junior at NYU. I had no criminal record and had never been arrested. I explained to the court lawyer that I was sexually harassed, which he told the judge. I think everyone just wanted it to go away, so I was given a drunk and disorderly warning and community service.
Thinking about this now, I realize it would have happened very differently if I were black. In many ways, I was ultimately very lucky, and being a white-looking NYU student helped immensely. But there is a deeply sexist aspect to policing that also needs to be talked about.
I still believe many cops are just doing their jobs. But the one who harassed me had a partner who said nothing when he told me I was hot, asked for my number and told me to meet him after his shift ended. Probably a dozen others watched what happened to me after. None intervened
Women are supposed to call the police when we are sexually assaulted. When that happened later in my life, I didn’t, and looking back, I think that was probably part of the reason why. Racism is a major problem in our law enforcement. So is misogyny. Both should be addressed.
P.S. I briefly mentioned this in my book, but not really anywhere else publicly. For a long time, I believe part of me thought, “if I hadn’t taken so many tequila shots, if I wasn’t wearing that skirt, if I didn’t run my mouth so hard, maybe it wouldn’t have happened.”
We are conditioned into these beliefs by fear: always be respectful to the police. Don’t object when they treat you unjustly. You’ll just make things worse for yourself. And I suppose I did, but when you’re a woman with the wrong cop, those beliefs can sometimes put you at risk.
Now that this thread is apparently taking off, I just want to honor all the women commenting on it with stories that are far worse than mine. Thank you for being brave enough to share your trauma. If I helped you raise your voice, I’m glad and humbled. Head up. Eyes open. Onward.
