Thread by @greaterbayo

Ola O Ya Boro & Six Other Lessons My Father Taught Me

I want to share a few lessons my father taught me while I was growing up. My father is a very good story-teller. He often talks in pictures. He is so very descriptive that he can talk for hours and no one will get bored.

1. ISE KII PA NI, AYO NII PA’YAN

I was in primary school many years ago when I came home with my report card. I came second in the class and I was over the moon. I still remember how those of us who took the first to third positions in our classes were called to the front

There is a very popular song that they used to sing for us then:

‘Bata re a dun ko ko ka (2ce)

Bi o b aka we re

Bata re a dun ko ko ka’.

Your shoes will make joyful marching sounds if you face your studies and come out in flying colours.

After singing this song, our headmistress then, will ask all the students to point at us and say,

‘A ki yin

E ku ise

Eyin l’oga’

We salute you for a job well done and we acknowledge your mastery. It was such a great moment

I was called forward a few times until I took it for granted that the top 3 position was reserved for me. I guess I became a bit more playful. I didn’t do my homework with dedication like I used to. I started taking things for granted. Success is easy to take for granted

It is so easy to forget that there is always a price to pay for success but there is a harder price to pay to sustain that success. Never get too used to or familiar with success.

So I let it slip one year and my scores dropped. I came 5th in the class.

I wasn’t among the top 3 as usual. My teachers couldn’t believe it. The song that others sang for me the previous years, I had to sing to others that year. I shed tears. When I got home, for the very first time, I was ashamed to show my report card to my father.

Eventually when he saw it, he looked at me sternly and said, ‘Ise kii pa ni, ayo nii pa’yan’. Be better than the person you were yesterday. Be careful about the victories and the successes of yesterday. Success intoxicates. Beware of success. Strive to be better than you were.

Don't rest on your oars. The argest room in the world is the room for improvement. I am not afraid of failure. If I fail, I will try again. But I’m more afraid of success because it is fleeting and can be deceptive.

The Yorubas have a way of saying it:

‘Pansa o fura, pansa ja!
Aja o fura, aja jin
Onile ti o ba fura
Ole ni o ko lo’
The dry calabash was careless hence it was plucked. The rafter was careless hence it caved in. The household that is not careful will be cleaned out by thieves

.

Be careful of success. Don’t sit down celebrating yesterday’s success or achievement. Yesterday is gone. Be better than you were yesterday.

2. OWO MA A TAN, OMOLUABI LO MA KU.

I attended a boarding school in Ondo State for my secondary school education. When I was in JS 1, I found some amount of money on the ground in some place. I picked it up and reported to the House Master on duty.

Later on, I was called out on the assembly for appreciation. Later on, the news filtered to my father about what I’d done. While I was home on holiday, he shared a story with me.

He is an Engineer who specializes in repairs of heavy duty road equipment like tractors, bulldozers and graders and he also constructs roads.

In the 80s during the civilian rule, he was given a contract by the 2nd Mechanized Division in Ibadan for the repairs of one of their earth-moving equipments. He repaired it but a short while after, there was a coup and the military took over.

A young soldier who knew about the contract approached my father and proposed to him that he should sell the equipment so that both of them can share the proceeds. My father refused. He was threatened but he refused to budge.

Knowing that the equipment could be stolen from his yard, my father moved it to a safe location. All the letters he wrote about the completion of the job were not responded to.

Sometime later after Sanni Abacha became the General Officer Commanding of the 2nd Mechanized Division, he opened the books and discovered one of the equipment was missing. It was traced to my father and soldiers were sent to ferry him to the Division.

My father told them his story and showed copies of all the letters he wrote. He took them to where he kept the equipment and he was subsequently given a letter of commendation by 2nd Mechanized Division for his integrity.

‘Owo ma tan, omoluabi lo ma ku’. Money is a perishable commodity but character stands forever.

Life is full of transactions. We are always trading something for another. For some, you trade your time for a salary. There is always an exchange going on every day in every life.

Different nations have different currencies. In Nigeria, it’s the Naira. In the US, it’s the dollar. However, money can fail in certain circumstances. You can’t take Nigerian Naira and spend it in the United States. It is not legal tender in the United States.

Money has limitations. Money has barriers. But there is a common denominator that cuts across and goes beyond money. It can be carried from one border to another. It is legal tender across all countries. It opens doors where money fails.

It cannot be put behind any barrier or subject to any limitation. It is called integrity.
Be honest in your dealings. Don’t cut the corner in order to be successful. Don’t cheat your way to the top. Don’t envy others who make a fast buck or break the rules.

Don’t be in a haste to make money. ‘Ape ko to jeun, kii je baje’. Delay is not denial.
Don’t do wire wire. Don’t do money order. Don’t do come and marry. You can’t do wire wire and end up as the richest man in Nigeria.

There is no one who did yahoo plus and ended up on the Forbes list. ‘San an la n rin, aje ni mu ni  pe koro’. You should always take the straight path; it’s the love of money that makes one cut corners.

3.     RANTI OMO ENI TI IWO N SE

Anytime anyone in my family is going to a new place, the advice was the same. My father gave me that advice when I got to secondary school and when I got my admission to the University

I am sure many people got the same advice too. My father always said, ‘Ranti omo eni ti iwo n se’. Remember the son of whom you are. There is a name you were given but there is another name you inherited. The greatest legacy you can have is the legacy of a good name

Your father may leave treasures of gold for you but all is vanity without the legacy of a good name.

‘Oruko rere o san ju wura ati fadaka lo’. A good name is more precious than gold and silver. In anything you do, always fight for your name. Don’t ever fight for money.

Your name represents who you are. Your title describes what you do but your name represents who you are. Your name is better than your title.

That is why you should be careful what you do. You represent not only yourself but also your family.

You represent not only your family but also your generation. If we all strive for our names, there will be little corruption in our land. Pressure will come but please stand your ground and remember to preserve your name. A good name is about consistency in character (iwa).

Be a person of character. I want to read out a poem TOJU IWA RE.

Toju iwa re, ore mi (Maintain your character, my friend)

Ola a maa si lo nile eni (Honour can leave the house of a person)

Ewa a si maa si lara eniyan (Beauty can leave from the body of a person)

Sugbon iwa niba ni de saare (However, a person’s character will go with a person to the grave)

Eefin ni wa, riru nii ru (Character is like smoke, eventually it will rise to the surface)

Eniyan gbokere niyi (A person who is distant is honoured)

Sugbon sun mo ni, la fin mo se eni (But familiarity is what makes us know the real person)

Iwa ko ni foniwa sile (Character will stick to one like a cloth)

Iwa omo lon somo loruko (A child is named by his character)

Omo dara o ku iwa (Beautiful but without character)

Ara dara o ku aso (Fine but naked)

Ese dara o ku bata (Good feet but shoeless)

Beniyan dara ti ko niwa (If a person is comely but without character)

O padanu ohun ribi ribi (The person misses something very valuable)

Iwa rere l’eso eniyan (Good character is a defense)

Suuru baba iwa, iwa baba awure (Patience is the forbear of character, character is the precursor of blessings)

4.     ASEGBE KAN O SI, ASEPAMO LO WA.

I had a school mother in secondary school. She always looked after me and even gave me extra food. During a long vacation, she wrote me a letter and enclosed her picture. Those were the days when we had post office boxes.

Since I used my father’s post office box, he had access to my letter and he actually opened the letter and read the contents. Later that night, he called me to his room and asked me who that particular person was. I was surprised he knew her name.

He hadn’t revealed then that there was any letter in his custody. He wanted to know our relationship. I told him she was my school mother and nothing else. He was curious about the enclosed picture. He allowed me to read the letter but he took it back from me

I only saw the picture that night and never again. Not believing what I told him, he said, ‘Asegbe kan o si, ase pamo lo wa’. You cannot hide your sins forever. Choices have consequences.

God has given you a free will. You choose whom you will marry.

You choose the food you eat. You choose your friends. You make choices on a daily basis. The freedom to choose whatever we want is ours. There are certain decisions you must never take anyhow because of the far reaching effect the consequences may have on your life.

Most choices look insignificant initially. However, the outcome can be life changing. For example, your decision to take drugs and alcohol may seem like you’re just moving along with the Joneses and enjoying yourself but the consequences may be a life of addiction and regret

Your decision to have just a few minutes of sex can seem pleasurable for the moment but you may have to live with an unwanted pregnancy or even HIV. Your past can haunt your present. A casual event that took place in the past can make you a casualty in the future.

Beware of that mis-step, that wrong talk, that improper visit and that casual dalliance. A casual fling can fling away your destiny. It only takes a second to make a choice but the consequences can be life-long. Your life is a product of the choices you have made.

Your choices will create the future you will get. Make every choice with the future in mind. You cannot escape the consequences of your choices.

5.     BI A SE N KO’SE, LA N KO IYA RA

My father can’t endure any sloppiness. He always wants anyone around him to have a sense of urgency about everything. So it was very common to hear him say, ‘Bi a se n ko se, lan ko iya ra’. Develop a sense of urgency about life.

‘Ma wa s’aye bi ejo ti o ni pa’. Don’t live your life like a snake that leaves no trace along its path.

6.     IWON EKU NI WON ITE

Anytime my father wanted to tell you about contentment, he usually said, ‘Iwon eku, ni’won ite’. It’s the size of the rat that determines the size of its nest.

This lesson came home to me when I was planning my wedding.

I didn’t have a lot of money. I was prepared to just live within my means even when a lot of my friends felt I should hold on till I have enough money. My in-laws gave me a long list of things to buy. I knew I couldn’t afford all of them.

I thank God that He blessed me with a very understanding fiancée who is now my wife of 15 years. I went to borrow the leather suitcase from a friend. I stuffed it with my wife’s used clothes since I couldn’t afford all the new ones I was asked to buy.

And I wasn’t ready to borrow. I locked the suitcase with a padlock and put the key in my pocket. During the traditional wedding, they wanted to open the suitcase to see the clothes but the key to the padlock was nowhere to be found.

Even though it was in my pocket but I joined them in looking for the key. The ceremony had to continue without opening the suitcase. I couldn’t afford to buy a goat but I put a small amount of money in an envelope in lieu of the goat.

After the ceremony, I packed half of the yams I bought and took them home. I took back my bag of salt. My wife too must eat. The wedding ceremony is just an event but marriage is for life. Cut your cloth according to your cloth.

Live life by your own rules. Godliness with contentment is great gain. Don’t allow peer pressure make you do what you ordinarily would not do. Exercise delayed gratification.

7.     OLA O YA BORO BORO, BI A O BA RI ENI BA LA

I used to wonder how my father knew people in so many different places. He always had a contact somewhere. On my first day at the boarding school, he handed me over to a woman who became my Guardian Angel in that school.

When I was looking for admission, he took me to a man who would later give me a note to the Head of Department of the University where I graduated. One day, he told me, ‘Ola o ya boro boro, bi a o bari eni ba la’.

It’s difficult to make progress in life if you don’t maximize your relationships .
Value everyone that comes your way. Treat them special. People don’t care what you know until they know that you care. People may forget what you say but they'll never forget how you made them feel

You’re an average of the 5 people closest to you, according to a research. Life is partly what we make it and partly what it is made by the relationships in our lives. So choose your relationships wisely. Your life is a reflection of the books you read and the people you meet.

He that walks with the wise shall be wise but a companion of fools shall be destroyed, said the Holy Book.

God uses relationships to bless and enlarge people. Your teachers. Your friends. The people on your street. The people you meet in the church and mosque.

That person sitting beside you right now. There is a theory called six degrees of separation. What it says is that everybody on this planet is separated by only six other people.

In other words, you know someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows President Buhari. You’re only six people away from anyone on earth. That’s how close we are and that’s why every relationship must be maximized.

I have listened to my father all these years and I have been blessed by his wisdom. Our people say, ‘Ti moba fi enu mi ge obi fun e, o le ma je sugbon ti moba fi enu mi soro fun e, o maa dara ko gbo’. If I use my teeth to break kolanut for you, you can refuse it.

But if I give you the wisdom of my words, you had better embrace it. ‘Ohun ti agba ri lori ijoko, ti omode ba gun ori igi, ko le ri’. ‘Oro agba, bi ko se l’owuro, b’ope titi, a se l’ojo ale’.

Happy Father's Day

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