Oldfirmfacts Profile picture
Jul 9, 2020 7 tweets 2 min read Read on X
A few years ago, I saw Stewart Lee at @StandComedyClub in Edinburgh. He was doing a bit about how Animal Farm is an allegory for the Russian Revolution, but you shouldn’t make the mistake of thinking every animal you ever see is making some political point...

(1/6)
He said something along the lines of “When you see Ben Fogle holding a swan on Animal Park, don’t assume the swan represents communism. Sometimes a swan is just a swan”...

(2/6)
Then he pointed at me and said “Name another animal you’d find in a zoo”. I’ve been asked plenty of questions by plenty of comedians and given coherent answers. And, this time, all I had to do was name any animal other than a swan. Without hesitating I blurted out...

(3/6)
“SWAN”.

By the time I reached the letter ‘n’ I knew I was fucked. Sure enough, he spent at least five solid minutes annihilating me.

“I asked you because you’ve been laughing at the right bits. I thought you were smart”...

(4/6)
“You’re symptomatic of a generation that’s confused thought with memory”.

“It’s my fault for showing up in Edinburgh on Swan Saturday. I was warned against it. Even Paul Merton and his Impro Chums avoid it”.

And on and on and on...

(5/6)
200-odd people were laughing at me while one of my heroes called me an idiot.

It was absolutely brilliant.

#SaveLiveComedy

(6/6)
A third of comedy venues believe they’ll be forced to close within the next six months, with 77.8% facing closure within the next year.

Sign the open letter below and, if you want to share a live comedy memory, use the hashtag #SaveLiveComedy

savelivecomedy.co.uk

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More from @Oldfirmfacts1

Dec 31, 2022
Massive thanks to everyone who’s watched the shows, listened to the podcast, read the columns, enjoyed the tweets or written lengthy blogs about a joke they didn’t understand.

Here’s a few personal highlights from 2022…
Making a show for the BBC with @EamonnDonohoe and contributions from @marknelsoncomic, @E_Caproni and @ChrisMcQueer_

bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episod…
Winning this @scottishfsa award
Read 10 tweets
Nov 20, 2020
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE SPARTA

Twas the night before Sparta, and outside the ground

Not a game plan was brewing, no hope to be found

(1/15)
A star soon appeared, on a move he was keen

He’s felt that way since 2019

(2/15)
Then who should appear but two of the midfield

Possession to Sparta they would shortly yield

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Read 15 tweets
Sep 25, 2020
Are YOU allowed to criticise Neil Lennon?

A 'Choose your own adventure' thread.

1. Are you below the age of 35?
If you said ‘Yes’, your adventure is over and you are not allowed to criticise Neil Lennon.

If you said ‘No’, you may proceed to question 2.
2. Are you currently working in a supermarket?
Read 20 tweets
Aug 2, 2020
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Jul 29, 2020
The top five foreign Celtic players of all time, as voted for by fans

glasgowlive.co.uk/sport/football… Image
Obviously you know who number one is, but the other four might be harder to predict. Thanks to everyone who submitted their nominations.
Top 5 foreign Rangers players as voted for by fans

glasgowlive.co.uk/sport/football…
Read 5 tweets

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