FUCK VICTIMHOOD IDENTITY, a passionate thread that should be a cool blog post but I have to get it off my chest right now.
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If you follow me you’ve noticed that I don’t like talking about how the world has wronged me, oppressed me, discriminated against me, victimized me. If you assume that I’ve lived an entirely charmed life free of any hardship, you may need a refresher on the base rate fallacy.
The reality is that long ago I noticed that the less I saw and presented myself as a victim, the less I was victimized. This kicked off a virtuous cycle that I’m not going to jeopardize. Now my life is much improved, and I’ve developed a very strong allergy to victim identity.
The spiral of victim identity is incredibly seductive. Once you step in it your identity will be reinforced by everyone around you and your own confirmation bias. I’ve seen this spiral claim people, groups, nations. It didn’t make them better off, and it didn’t make them better.
Victimhood blinds you to the suffering of others. My dating life improved when I stopped thinking about how women malign me and became able to understand their own fears and frustrations with guys. Before, I literally couldn’t fathom that dating can be hard for hot young women
Victimhood blinds you to your own mistakes, the only part you can change. I’m happy to talk about how I sabotaged my social life in school by being a weird arrogant nerd, to help the young nerds out there. But I won’t tell you what classmates did to a weird arrogant nerd.
Why not? Because I want neither your pity nor to start a victimhood competition, and those are the two main reactions to victimhood. Both are incredibly toxic. The sad truth is that no one likes a victim, not in their hears, whether it’s a person or a group. Or almost no one.
There are a few saints out there, but mostly there are a lot of selfish assholes who pretend to care about victims for their own ends. If you’re mired in your own indignant victimhood identity, you probably lack the clearheadedness to tell them apart.
Everyone wants their suffering validated, but you will never get this validation from those who hurt you if that’s what you seek. If you let go of this doomed desire, you may eventually find the validation you crave among friends.
Rationalists have suffered, overcome hardship, been victimized. We talk about it among the ingroup, in meetups and one-on-one conversations and deep in the comments. But if you think journalists are your outgroup, why do you expect them to validate your pain? That's crazy.
But the most important thing is that victims become monsters when they gain power. Think of the US after 9/11, or go back through the 20th century for more obvious examples. This is true of people too. Victims use their power for revenge and destruction, not for good.
I want to gain power and to use it for good. I want the same for my friends and for my community. To this end I will fight victim identity. People will call me privileged in the replies and they will be correct. What I’m telling you is that this is a privilege you can attain too.
