Thread by @aubrey_li

Jumping in on this (wonderful) trend of Twitter thread-fics, here's mine:
Wherein WWX means to send a photo of his face slathered in cinnamon roll icing (captioned: cummies!💦) to NHS as part of an ongoing inside joke but accidentally sends it to his crush LWJ instead. Let's go.

First, some backstory: it all starts when WWX and LWJ are at a party together, LWJ drunk on spiked punch, WWX keeping him out of trouble. They’re sitting out on the balcony when the conversation turns to their ideal type.

LWJ, looking at WWX: Generous. Thoughtful. Always kind.

WWX, brilliant of brain and crushing of self-worth: Wow that sounds nothing like me, but now I know what I should aspire to in order to get you to date me, so thanks.

On his turn, he says: "Uh, maybe someone like you? Really nice, a good listener, mean but kinda in a hot way."

LWJ nods, and then passes out against WWX's shoulder.

LWJ has no memory of this conversation.

WWX spends the next few weeks on his best behaviour, because he heard "generous, thoughtful, kind" and interpreted it as "Stepford Boyfriend." LWJ is understandably confused.

Jiang sibs group chat aside:
JYL [7:29PM]: a-xian, I really think you should just be yourself
WWX [7:30PM]: that's easy for you to say, jie! you're PERFECT
JC [7:30PM]: he should absolutely NOT be himself, are you kidding? he's a gremlin
WWX [7:31PM]: EXACTLY. thank you!

Anyway, weeks of effort are ultimately ruined when WWX makes cinnamon rolls one night and takes a photo of himself, cropped to just his face, eyes closed, mouth open, tongue out, slathered in icing glaze. He sends it to NHS, captioned "cummies!💦" as a joke.

NHS doesn't respond

LWJ aside: An Incomplete List of WWX's Worrying Changes In Behaviour:

1. He has started dressing "better," no longer just throwing on the least odorous clothing within reach.

2. On multiple occasions, he asked me during outings whether this would be a "good date spot."

3. He is texting with proper punctuation, despite previously saying: "the first time you text me I had a heart attack because I saw the period and thought you were going to murder me" and "I'm not saying YOU text like a boomer, Lan Zhan, I'm just saying boomers text like YOU."

This has led to LWJ making the only logical conclusion available to him, which is that WWX has newly acquired a significant other.😢

All right, back to the story.

WWX [10:30PM]: [image file] cummies💦
WWX [10:32PM]: OH FUCK LAN ZHAN
WWX [10:32PM]: LAN ZHAN I'M SO SORRY
WWX [10:32PM]: I MEANT TO SEND THIS TO SOMEONE ELSE
WWX [10:33PM]: I'M GONNA DELETE IT RIGHT NOW
WWX [10:33PM]: APPARENTLY YOU CAN'T DELETE A MESSAGE ONCE IT'S SENT FUCK

WWX [10:34PM]: I'M SO SORRY LAN ZHAN CAN YOU JUST PRETEND YOU DIDN'T SEE IT? PLEASE?
WWX [10:35PM]: oh god you're probably asleep i hope your phone's on silent and this didn't wake you oh fuck i'm so so sorry i'm gonna stop right now

Then he immediately texts actual NHS.

WWX [10:35PM]: [screenshot] my life is over
NHS [10:37PM]: lol f
WWX [10:37PM]: AM I A JOKE TO U
NHS [10:38PM]: sorry
WWX [10:38PM]: what if he thinks im a huge slut now?
NHS [10:39PM]: are you not a huge slut?
WWX [10:39PM]: YES but only in theory and EXCLUSIVELY for LAN ZHAN

NHS [10:40PM]: look maybe he'll think it's a thirst trap
WWX [10:41PM]: as if he knows what a thirst trap is!
NHS [10:41PM]: Once Again I Am Telling You That Lan Zhan Is Not the Monk You Think He Is
WWX [10:42PM]: he'll never love me again
NHS [10:42PM]: Once Again I Am Ignored

Hoping to at least salvage their friendship, WWX sends LWJ the uncropped version of the cummies photo, which shows the counter and mess from baking. He also sends a long, apologetic text:

"Dear Lan Zhan,

I cannot apologize enough for the texts I sent last night.

I understand that you are probably repulsed by what you saw. If you will allow me to apologize and provide something of an explanation, I was baking and texting another acquaintance, and sent you the photo I was intending to send him. Here is the full photo, for your reference.

I assure you that it was meant to be a joke, and not at your expense. It is my hope that you and I will be able to remain friends, and that you will not think poorly of me as a result of this unfortunate error.

Your friend (hopefully?),
Wei Ying"

He texts NHS the draft and NHS is like, "Dude he's going to think you got hacked or something" so WWX amends:

"Your friend (hopefully?),
Wei Ying🥰"

He stays awake all night, until:

LWJ [5:01AM]: I was not repulsed. I hope your baking was successful. Of course we remain friends.

And WWX is like, "Yup. He hates me."

LWJ wakes up at his usual 5AM, reads through WWX's texts from last night, formulates the most coherent response he can under the circumstances, and immediately texts the only sane person he knows: his friend Wen Qing.

"Immediately" = "no earlier than 7AM or I will murder you in your sleep"

LWJ [6:59AM]: [screencap] Thoughts?
WQ [7:06AM]: WTF?! what have I done to deserve this?!
LWJ [7:07AM]: He sent this, shortly afterward. [screencap]
WQ [7:10AM]: oh thank fuck

LWJ [7:10AM]: I am unsure how to interpret this.
WQ [7:11AM]: it's clearly a thirst trap
LWJ [7:11AM]: I was under the impression that Wei Ying was seeing someone.
WQ [7:11AM]: you're literally the only person under that impression, lan zhan

LWJ [7:12AM]: Why would he send a retraction afterwards?
WQ [7:12AM]: it's what men do, so that if you're offended they can say it was a mistake. I always thought wei ying was too much of a baby virgin to go this route, but clearly he got tired of pining for your oblivious ass

LWJ [7:13AM]: I do not think Wei Ying is attracted to me. WQ [7:13AM]: again, you're literally the only person who's under that impression, lan zhan
LWJ [7:17AM]: What do you suggest I do now?
WQ [7:18AM]: honestly? send a thirst trap back
LWJ [7:28AM]: I will look into it.

LWJ has never sent a thirst trap pic in his life, and most of the online references are just gross. But he remembers WWX saying something once about how much he liked LWJ's hair

(LWJ, naturally, interpreted this as an inquiry as to the type of shampoo, conditioner, heat serum, and setting spray he uses, and provided brand names. Which is how he found out that WWX uses drugstore 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner "for convenience." His love was tested that day).

So takes a shower, then takes a mirror selfie: shirtless, still damp, hair loose and draped over one bare shoulder.

LWJ [7:30AM]: [image file] I'm growing fond of this new argan oil conditioner.

WWX wakes up, sees this, nearly has an aneurysm.

WWX [10:30AM]: [screenshot] WHAT DOES THIS MEAN
NHS [10:35AM]: wow. congratulations!
WWX [10:35AM]: ASDJFKD
NHS [10:36AM]: see i told you he wasn't a monk. tell him you want to lick his abs
WWX [10:36AM]: i will NOT
NHS [10:37AM]: so you're saying you DON'T want to lick his abs?

NHS convinces WWX to send a thirst trap selfie back, just to "test the waters," and that's how WWX and LWJ end up sending each other increasingly sexual selfies with increasingly flimsy excuses, but neither is brave enough to make the first move and actually ask the other one out

WWX's selfie has him half bent over, ass clad in tiny running shorts. Caption: "guess who forgot that these shorts ride up when you're running and forgot to put sunscreen on his thighs rip me🤡"

LWJ walks into a door. Responds with, "My sympathies.😟"

LWJ's return selfie is of his bare back, hair pulled up in his hands so you can see everything from his neck down to the swell of his ass. Oh and there's a tiny strip of red on his neck where he, presumably, forgot to put sunscreen. Caption: "I made a similar error last weekend."

WWX [11:04PM: [image file] okay he MUST be flirting with me, right?
NHS [11:05PM]: yes! god FINALLY! i'm proud of you, buddy!
WWX [11:06PM]: so he's attracted to me. but how do I know if he LIKES me likes me?
NHS [11:07PM]: ...and my hopes are shattered. wow that didn't take long

WWX [11:07PM]: DON'T MOCK ME I AM IN NEED, HUAISANG
NHS [11:08PM]: in so many ways, yes
WWX [11:08PM]: how do i let lan zhan know that i am both responsible enough to be a co-parent to his rabbits but also ready and willing to use my nubile body to serve his every sexual whim?!

NHS [11:10PM]: maybe you could pass him a note in class? I believe "do u like me? circle yes or no" is a classic
WWX [11:11PM]: this is SERIOUS. this is MY LIFE and ETERNAL HAPPINESS here
NHS [11:11PM]: and yet it feels so much like middle school all over again

Aside: NHS, WQ, LXC, JC, JYL, Mianmian (WQ's gf) have a groupchat. It mostly consists of LXC and JYL gushing over how much they're looking forward to being in-laws, while everyone else both pities and envies their optimism. JC tries to leave on a daily basis. JYL adds him back in

NHS and WQ also have their own groupchat, where they complain about how incredibly stupid their supposedly brilliant friends are.

A few weeks into Wangxian's Not-sexting Adventures, the following conversation happens:

NHS [8:30PM]: [image file] was this your doing?

The image file is of LWJ's beautiful, elegant hands petting a bunny that's sleeping in the hollow of his crossed legs. At the bottom of the frame, just barely visible, is uh, visual proof that LWJ was not wearing anything under his sweatpants.

WQ [8:37PM]: wow. no, all lan zhan

WQ [8:37PM]: did it work?
NHS [8:38PM]: [screenshot] kind of?
WQ [8:39PM]: so is he going to make a move?
NHS [8:44PM]: he says he has a multi-step plan and he needs to stick to it
WQ [8:45PM]: how many steps are there
NHS [8:45PM]: 5
WQ [8:46PM]: and he's on step
NHS [8:48PM]: 1

Aside: WWX's 5-Step Plan to Wooing LWJ
1. send thirst trap pics until lan zhan is mad with lust
2. place self in sexually compromising positions until he ravishes me with his HUGE DICK 🙏
3. fuck him so well he forgets that he's out of my league
4. ???
5. p̶r̶o̶f̶i̶t̶ marriage!

Clearly WQ and NHS need to take matters into their own hands, or Wangxian will be reincarnated before anything happens. So the next time WWX is over at LWJ's for Netflix-and-chill-time, LWJ receives a text:

NHS [7:24PM]: so have you told lan zhan that ur in love with him yet?

LWJ is stunned.

"Lan Zhan?" WWX asks. LWJ shows him the phone.

WWX goes chalk-white, as another text comes in.

NHS [7:25PM]: OH FUCK I'M SO SORRY I MEANT TO SEND THAT TO WEI YING OH FUCK OH FUCK IS HE THERE WITH YOU? OH GOD I'M SO SORRY I'VE JUST RUINED EVERYTHING OH FUCK

"Wei Ying?" LWJ says, and WWX, already pale, begins to tremble.

The thing is, he WAS going to make a move tonight. He'd planned it all out. He would pretend to fall asleep during the next movie. Lan Zhan would gently wake him, and offer to let him stay over. He'd accept.

He'll have to use LWJ's shower because it's got better water pressure than the guest shower (it doesn't; LWJ just humours him). Then he'll "forget" something in the living room and have come out of the shower in nothing but a towel. And maybe that'll be enough for LWJ to snap.

And pin him against the wall and have him right there, and if the sex is good enough then that'll give him time to convince LWJ that he's also generous, thoughtful, kind, and everything else LWJ deserves. And then LWJ will fall in love with him!

At least, that was the plan.

"I'm so sorry," WWX echoes, giving LWJ his phone back. "I'm going to kill Nie Huaisang. I'd never--I don't--"

Something in LWJ's expression shutters. "You... don't?" He drops his gaze. In a very different voice, he continues, "I see. I'd thought--"

WWX was expecting LWJ to be angry. Or worse, pitying. But he just looks...wounded. The way an animal looks when it trusts you and you hurt it, like it's realizing for the first time that you're not the safe place it thought you were. He stares, shocked silent.

Then LWJ gets up.

WWX grabs LWJ's wrist. "Wait. Please."

LWJ waits, shoulders hunched as though braced for... something.

"What." WWX tries again. "What did you mean, you thought? What did you think?"

LWJ bites his lip. "I thought... no. I hoped." His eyes close. He looks away. "I *had* hoped--"

WWX looks from LWJ's quietly desolate face to his trembling wrist in WWX's grip and--it's like discovering a new element, seeing the ocean for the first time. "Lan Zhan," he says, hushed, as if this is a spell and anything louder than a whisper would break it, "do you *like* me?"

LWJ jerks, sorrowed resignation replaced by utter panic. He tries to tear his hand away, but WWX tightens his grip.

"Lan Zhan, please, I need to know. Please. Do you like me?"

And LWJ, slowly, nods.

WWX's heart cracks open, splits right down the center, so relieved that he feels gutted by it. He realizes he's about to cry and pulls LWJ's hand to his face, presses a kiss to LWJ's palm, breathes in the scent of the expensive hand cream that LWJ always tries to make him use.

Then he feels the gentle pressure of LWJ's other hand on the top of his head, and WWX breaks. "I like you so much. I more than like you. I love you. I've loved you for so long I don't remember when it started. And I know I'm not generous or thoughtful or kind, but I can be!"

"I WILL be, for you. I'll be everything you deserve, everything you want--"

He's silenced when LWJ grabs him by the shoulder and hauls him up to his feet. Then LWJ kisses him, long and deep and so passionately that WWX's knees turn to water long before LWJ breaks the kiss.

Which is fine because LWJ is still holding onto him, grip tight and unyielding like he never intends to let go.

"You're already everything I want," LWJ says, intent and honest. "You've ALWAYS been everything I want. You don't have to do anything. Be anything. I just want you."

"Generous," LWJ continues, and kisses his forehead. WWX's eyes flutter shut. It's too much. He can't--

"Thoughtful," two kisses to his eyelids. WWX's next breath barely comes.

"Always, always kind." Kiss to his mouth. And this time, WWX kisses back, just as hard, just as deep.

AND THEN THEY MAKE OUT SOME MORE AND MOVE THINGS TO LWJ'S BED, WHERE THEY HAVE SEX TWICE THAT NIGHT AND ONCE MORE THE FOLLOWING MORNING BEFORE BREAKFAST.

The next morning, WWX wakes up pleasantly sore and brimming with happiness, and sees an unread text from last night on his phone:

NHS [7:26PM]: YOU'RE WELCOME

THE END!

Thank you everyone for going on this.... wow. 4-hour journey with me. Thank you also to the people who saw the first iteration of this story and encouraged it into existence. 💕