Thread by @HoarseWisperer

Fuck it. I’m going in.

Poured myself approximately 20 ounces of beer and turning on Commander Babyfingers’ Fiesta of Loco.

1/

Trump delivering a monotoned drawl of scripted remarks with the intonation of a 5th grader reading a book report on the continents.

2/

Trump presently lying about the virus, how the U.S. is doing versus other countries.

Inexplicably says we have had a “spice of virus”.

Is that a Goya thing? What is a “spice of virus”?

So far, Trump hasn’t looked up from the remarks on the lectern.

He has the public speaking skills of a turnip.

Chuck E. Cheese is a more compelling presenter. He also wears a mask.

Trump is motor-mouthing. Just droning straight through an inflection-free speech.

He is as animate as a cactus and appears to be in a hurry.

Someone made him read remarks rather than just do his usual deranged brain vomit.

And here comes the questions.

And he’s off script.

Affix thy helmets.

Q: Do we have a problem with testing in this country?

A: We have massive numbers and the numbers are coming down.

Wut? We’re testing less?

Hard to believe this dunce didn’t take his own SATs.

Q: Do you want people to judge you on how you’ve handled the pandemic?

A: (rambles. paraphrasing) They’re going to judge me on the tax cutting and the record job growth and stuff.

Fun-fact: no president in United States history has presided over larger job losses than this ass.

“The virus will disappear. It will disappear.”

Drink. I know I am.

“Tremendous moves!”

This ludicrous popinjay is now giving himself credit for banning travel from China (he didn’t) which stopped the virus (it didn’t) which kept us from a runaway pandemic (it didn’t).

Question about Ghislaine Maxwell.

Trump - inexplicably - says “I wish her well.”

Serial pedophile and child molester.

President of the United States offers only that he “wishes her well”.

I hate this fuckopotamus.

“We’re in a pandemic yet we’re producing a tremendous number of jobs. No one thought that was possible.”

Because, uh, it isn’t.

The American workforce is 160 million people. 50 million have filed for unemployment.

Questions about wearing a mask.

Trump dissembles into a mush-mouthed nothingness.

“Think about patriotism. It helps. It helps.”

The man is less coherent than just shaking up a bag of Scrabble tiles.

Trump on the train wreck of COVID cases in southern states inscrutably points out that Texas is “a very big state”.

As if hospitals somehow don’t fill up if there is a lot of land in their vicinity.

He apparently thinks hospitals are scaled based on land mass not population.

And with that, Trump wraps it up and lumbers out of the briefing room like a drowsy old movie usher annoyed at having had to work the matinee.

That was quick. And pointless.

Wolf Blitzer picks it up and notes the “new tone” and now I want to break a goddamned window.

There was no new tone.

There was the same toddler tyrant mushmouthing through words written by someone else that he neither understands nor believes.

He’s a glorified mannequin.

And thank the sweet heavens for Jim Acosta who correctly points out that this was just more empty prattle from a guy forced to walk the plank by the fiery zeppelin of his re-election campaign going full Hindenburg.

And we’re done here, folks.

Thankfully, I still have another 12 ounces of beer in the fridge to wash this nonsense from my short-term memory.