Thread by @the_best_amy

I have been sent to Facebook jail for calling someone a lazy ass Canadian and I demand justice for this assault on my right to free speech!

God I miss my friends. It’s been like 12 hours and everyone probably thinks I’m dead! 😩 Having a super hard time coping here. Who do I see about making sure Facebook is punished for what they’ve done? Is it one of those guys on the intellectual dark web? #freezepeach

Point of order about this travesty: the person I called a lazy ass Canadian was in fact being a lazy ass Canadian. The implication wasn’t that ALL Canadians are lazy (although they probably are), but that this person was being lazy AND happened to be Canadian.

I forgot how dark and cold it is over here. I can feel my soul being crushed by the weight of apathy on this platform. No one appreciates my genius here. Superfluous praise is doled out like coveted pieces of gold instead of freely and generously heaped upon me. I hate it. Ugh.

Does anyone want to see a picture of my cat? Everyone on Facebook likes my cat. This is my cat.

Can anyone get word to my friends that I’ve been banished from my online home; left to fend for myself in the wilderness like a sad forgotten prairie dog? Do people even make nonsensical lists over here? What do you all do for fun? Is there a group of some kind I can join?

Speaking of lists, I’ve been meaning to make one listing all of the songs from Hamilton in order of most favorite to least favorite. So I guess I can do that since there’s nothing else going on around here except for me talking to myself.

Wait For It
10 Dual Commandments
Yorktown
One Last Time
Non-Stop
Dear Theodosia
You’ll Be Back
Cabinet Battle 1
Meet Me Inside
The World Was Wide Enough
Blow Us All Away
It’s Quiet Uptown
Burn
The Reynolds Pamphlet
Satisfied
The Schuyler Sisters
Right Hand Man
Guns and Ships

Helpless
What Comes Next
Who Lives, Who Dies . . .
Cabinet Battle 2
Say No to This
Story of Tonight
A Winter’s Ball
My Shot
History Has Its Eyes on You
That Would Be Enough
Your Obedient Servant
Adams Administration
Election of 1800
I Know Him
Farmer Refuted
Aaron Burr, Sir

I don’t feel strongly enough about the rest of them to order them on the list.

Maybe I’ll watch Hamilton again. No such thing as too much Hamilton. Is there a Hamilton group in here? Can I join it?

I think this whole thing is @WaywardWillis’s fault. Did you narc on me Willis? Is this to get back at me for not sending you a hand engraved invitation to the Zoom hangout? You already gave me Crohn’s disease and now you have to ruin my social life too!? You’re the worst.

But at least you’re not a lazy ass Canadian like @latvpodcast. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I can’t believe how many of you so called “friends” are just straight up ignoring me right now. I’m already starving from lack of attention. You know how big my ego is. WTF? @BrentLeeAllan1? @FloridaMenPod? @LauraLaValle88? @ETVPod? @Cleopat19013208? @EricLaValle?
ANYONE?!?!?!

Hey @andy_pucko - you should go share this thread on FB so everyone knows I’m safe. Upset and lonely, but safe. I’m sure everyone is asking about me and worried. You know what a big deal I am over there. I feel bad for everyone trying to get through the day without my witticisms.

Can we start a war with Canada over this? It seems like as good a reason as any.

Can anyone recommend a good restaurant around here? I’m hungry. And clearly Facebook has decided that I’m not worthy of sharing a meal simply because I find Canadians to be off-putting. 🙄 Fuck you Facebook! I can find other dinner dates!

Somewhere.

Probably.

I posted this sweet pic of my new podcasting setup on FB yesterday before “the incident”, and I can’t even go check the comments because I’ll want to reply to everyone too much! 😭 Will one of you tell me how cool it is? Please?! That’s a fucking chaise lounge in there! 😩

Ooh!! Did you see my new crown? It’s bigger than Ami’s now! I’m very excited about it. You can’t tell from this pic, but it’s sparkly as hell. It features a cat, a peacock, the Eiffel Tower, 2 snowflakes, the state of MN, and a giant “A” right up front. Cool right?

Do you like polls?

Debating if I should have another taco or if 3 was plenty. I certainly don’t NEED another one, but I made guacamole this time and it was really good. OTOH, my intestines are still in a state of chaos and more food could send me back to the hospital.

But guacamole. #toughchoices

Just checking back in. I decided against the taco but now I’m having some chips & guac. May have some rainbow sherbet later. I’ll keep you in the loop.

Fuck it. I’m just gonna pack it in and go to bed. When I wake up I’ll be back with my people and can start to forget this horrible shitshow of a day ever happened at all.

Also, I did end up having some sherbet. It did not disappoint. Unlike Twitter. See ya chumps. ✌️