I've been on ADHD medication for about a week now, gradually increasing my dose, and it's been an... unsatisfying experience.
I've read what people (both ADHD and non-ADHD) have written about their experiences (both medical and recreational) of my medication.
I've also watched videos of doctors talking about what to realistically expect from these drugs.
I don't feel like I'm experiencing any of it.
I've also watched videos of doctors talking about what to realistically expect from these drugs.
I don't feel like I'm experiencing any of it.
I'm monitoring myself closely, and writing down everything that seems unusual. But sometimes I repeat things when not medicated and get comparable results. It's been frustrating, and disappointing.
Ultimately, I just don't think it's working. If it is, it's not worth the money.
Ultimately, I just don't think it's working. If it is, it's not worth the money.
What I can take comfort from is that I don't think it's having the effect on me that you would expect stimulants to have on a NT brain. Most days, it hasn't felt like I've been affected at all.
And I don't think that's supposed to happen. I think I need something different.
And I don't think that's supposed to happen. I think I need something different.
I'm a pretty black and white thinker, and bad at learning from past experiences, so I'm never really emotionally prepared for things not to work perfectly first time!
But I know there are other options, and I have another appointment next week to talk about them.
But I know there are other options, and I have another appointment next week to talk about them.
That gives me a little time to second guess myself a bit. For example, today I've read a good chunk of a book, usually something my brain struggles against!
But am I just having a good day, or enjoying this book in particular? I need to try it again without meds and see.
But am I just having a good day, or enjoying this book in particular? I need to try it again without meds and see.
But even if it is because of the medication, it's supposed to last at least 8 hours. Any effects I do notice are minimal, intermittent, and gone between 4-6.
I keep asking myself "Am I doing something wrong? Is it my fault?" But I don't see how that can be the case.
I keep asking myself "Am I doing something wrong? Is it my fault?" But I don't see how that can be the case.
That said, I'm also not dealing with many side effects, and none of them remotely bad. I've always been fortunate with medications, and that luck has struck again here too.
The worst part is just questioning, with every action, inaction, and emotional response: "Is this normal?"
The worst part is just questioning, with every action, inaction, and emotional response: "Is this normal?"
I'm getting the first glimpse of the paradigm shift to come when I get medication that truly works.
Even on these stimulants, some habits I thought were "just me" have disappeared. Things I assumed I already knew the cause for, and had long since accepted.
It's complicated.
Even on these stimulants, some habits I thought were "just me" have disappeared. Things I assumed I already knew the cause for, and had long since accepted.
It's complicated.
But every time I post about ADHD, someone in their 30s or over messages me to say they think they could have it too, and asking about the diagnostic process.
I think it's important to share this part of the process too, especially since getting ADHD medication is so stigmatised.
I think it's important to share this part of the process too, especially since getting ADHD medication is so stigmatised.
