Thread by @Quinnae_Moon

As a further distraction from global events, I've decided to replay Knights of the Old Republic for the first time in almost a decade (probably).

It was a bold move to have Trask Ulgo break the fourth wall to literally tell you how to play the game. Alas, his secret knowledge of our universe and of the terrible truth of his own, would die with him on the Endar Spire.

I also forgot what terrific character actors Bioware hired to do so many of the NPCs. Kadir, the rustic janitor; Gorton Colu, Taris' Nigel Farage; Kebla Yurt, charming shopkeep with a cool name; Ice, the duelist who literally speaks in ice metaphors.

"The only hope you have of rescuing Bastila is to somehow win the big season opener of the swoop race!"

This Disney movie crap is one step above "have to win a dance competition."

And let me tell you... I am *here* for it.

Hey, remember the Undercity beggars who shake you down while narrating the Frontline documentary about their lives?

Other highlights:

* Mission should've let Zaalbaar have his food at the cantina. He paid good creds for it!
* It's hilarious how the 'dark side' responses are just so cartoonishly mean, sometimes literally including cackling.
* I remain convinced everyone is cheating at pazaak.

Also, this game is where lil' Kat learned the phrase "spiteful little hutt slug." Runners-up for Best Space Insult include "chuba face," and the immortal but space-classist "nerf herder."

And now we get to Bastila. Despite the game's best efforts at making me hate her, she was Lil' Kat's role model. "In fact, it would be more accurate to say *I* rescued *you*." Zing!

Just because she gets Wildstyle'd in this game doesn't make me adore her any less. Bastila Shan did nothing wrong and she remains a credit to Space England.

Alright, I have to work, but I may keep updating this thread as I go along in the game.

Davik's voice actor hits those T's like they owe him money.

Alright, so, here's the thing... I know this is a major KOTOR plot point, and its meant to be the bit that 'rhymes' with the destruction of Alderaan, but even when I was a kid, this made no sense to me whatsoever.

A small fleet uses their turbolasers to destroy an entire ecumenopolis? Wouldn't that take... months? Years? I mean, think of how large a *planet* is.

Like, this was the value-add of the Death Star. It could... destroy a planet.

In canon (such as it is), Taris was completely obliterated. A planet akin to Coruscant, covered end to end in a miles-high metropolis of arcologies, levelled. Which should've been impossible. I dunno, I feel like this plot-beat could've been made more credibly.

On the upside, Saul Karath, voiced by the masterful Robin Sachs (RIP), pitch perfect as a Sith officer. This game just has such amazing cartoon villainy.

And that, really, is the point of blowing up Taris. It's cartoon villainy. In the end, this is what KOTOR did exceedingly well, how it captured the spirit of Star Wars: just leaning into (and owning) some ridiculous theatrics. I love it.

Anyway, back to Bastila.

KOTOR: You're not supposed to like her right away. Look: she's arrogant! Not even grateful for being rescued.
Me: Sounds badass.
KOTOR: She's pulling rank on Carth! She thinks you need to be led!
Me: Haha double-bladed lightsabre go BRRRRR.

You know, with foreshadowing like this, I really should've seen the twist coming when I was a kid.

Anyway, you gotta love Master Vrook. His crotchetyness threatens to tear a hole in the Force. Speaking of, I got all misty eyed when I rescued him in KoTOR2. "You have no discipline!" "*sniff* I missed you too, you old bastard."

And just like that I'm back in Vvardenfell.

Oh my Goddess, I forgot one of my favourite parts of this game. The droid lady! She lived her best life.

Alright, ladies and gentlebeings, this game just got real.

Dark. Gracious. Feline. Queer culture.

It's the Sapphist with the mostest, Juuuuuuuuuhani.

Now, reader, did I install a mod that would permit Fem!Revan to romance Bastila? Yes.

Am I still going to fall in with Juhani? Probably.

Now, all rise for the Juhani national anthem:

Someone tell me *not* to burn Carth so bad he needs to be immersed in kolto for the next decade.

I forgot how thuddingly awkward the flirting is in this game. Like, even Han Solo was smoother than this.

OH MY GOD. Why are you like this, Me?

On Kashyyyk now. I read the EU novels since I was in primary school, but KOTOR taught me how to pronounce the planet's name.

Anyway, the game has a lot of nifty Wookiee lore and you can support an anti-colonial uprising, so, major points there.

Aw sweet, it's the grey power rangers.

Slightly annoying that your only options for responding to Juhani's heartbreaking tale of anti-alien racism on Taris are 1) All lives matter... in space, 2) Space gaslighting, 3) Extra spicy space racism.

Was I the only person who kept her Jedi companions in their default clothes because they were way prettier than the Jedi robes in this game? (Also, hi from sunny Tattooine!)

Time to do swoop racing.

GoodForHer.gif

Look. I'm just saying that maybe the slimeball sexist hunter dude wasn't good enough for his proto-supervillain mathematician/programmer wife who rigged a James Bond-worthy trap for the lout. He should be flattered.

He's still hitting on me, by the way. Dude, I am this close to going dark side just to spite you. (I save him every time; we all make little sacrifices)

That wasn't the only thing you never saw coming, mate.

Bastila: I say leave him.
Coro-slimeball: You know you're pretty heartless for such a pretty lady.
Bastila: I take it back, let's congratulate his wife.
Me:

Seriously, this quest is amazeballs. She recorded a message saying "have a good death," named the script "Slimeball Must Die." I want Marlena to have her own spinoff where she leads a queer hacker gang on Nar Shadaa.

On a more serious note, even if the story in question is simple, I do appreciate that there is some depth given to the Sand People in KOTOR-- showing the clear fact that they're defending themselves.

Alright, I'm back. It's gizka time.

Here on sunny Manaan we find Daft Punk: The Mercenary, the galaxy's edgiest pop idol.

Alright, back to KOTOR. Manaan is one of my favourite planets but I couldn't think of too many Good Tweets, so we'll do a quick hit list of the highlights instead.

* SPACE SHARK.
* Locker guy.
* Law & Order: Unsympathetic Victims Unit.
* More swoop racing.
* Gluupor.
* Me renaming all the Selkath judges after members of SCOTUS.

Everyone's voice acting on Manaan is great. It's such a showcase of KOTOR's bevy of character actors. Except the guy who played Roland Wann. I've never heard anyone so bored with the fact that I blew up his kolto harvester.

Anyway, when we last left our heroes, we just killed the guy who iced Juhani's dad and tried to enslave her. Having saved her from the dark side once more, we leave Manaan, four star maps in hand, to joyride across space. Nothing can possibly bring us down from this high.

Okay, so that was a lie. We got captured by the Sith flagship. But what's this? Admiral Karath is threatening me with a good time?

The Leviathan is a pretty good level aside from the CONSTANT SITH ALARM.

Anyway, there's no problem that can't be solved by endless Force Wave spam.

I forgot about chasing Malak through the basement maze. He's such a scamp.

Anyway, the big reveal in KOTOR is that you're actually one half of the Simon and Garfunkel of destroying the galaxy.

*looks at the cockpit, an empty space where Bastila once stood. 'My Immortal' plays in the background*

Who, but *who*, could've seen that coming, Carth!? Certainly not the two women who told you vengeance quests are overrated, nope.

Korriban time. Let's review each world's distinct palette/theme:

Taris: urban hellscape.
Dantooine: pastoral paradise.
Tatooine: sun-drenched desert.
Kashyyyk: forest full of secrets.
Manaan: oceans of wonder.
Korriban: it's brown.

No points for guessing my least favourite.

👀

I suppose I like Juhani because she reminds me of myself. An ethnic minority lass from a big city who's deeply insecure and who invidiously compares herself to---and tragically falls in love with---her heroes. This is #RelatableContent.

Alright, now we're at the Cartoon Villain Academy, which is honestly fun despite Korriban's general dreariness. Bringing Mission with me for the first time since Taris to balance out the Snidely Whiplashing.

I have to admit, it's pretty inspired that you can convince some Sith lackeys to let you live by telling a bad joke about Mandalorians.

I really, really wish there was an evil-laugh class you could take at the Sith Academy. Just really lean into the whole Bad Hogwarts thing. Master Uthar and Yuthara Ban are so deliciously well-acted.

Of note, Uthar's VA is the same fellow who played Roland Wann. I guess he just had an off day for those lines; he's actually quite versatile. Did Vandar's voice too--along with much besides for a whole slew of Star Wars games and TV shows.

Yes, yes, give into your squishy feelings, Yuthura.

Me at 16: All these NPCs disputing Taris' destruction are so unrealistic. How could anyone deny a whole *planet* being blown up!?

Me in my 30s: ...Oh.

Also, the merc on Manaan who asks about Taris, gets told "in war, casualties are inevitable" in response, and goes "wellp, sign me up!" I thought that was unrealistic when I was 16. Now... heh... hehhh... *cries*

Me at 16: How can anyone take the Sith seriously when they're such whiny self-victimising chumps who complain about "neutrality" when they're actually using it to bully people and undermine Manaan's government?

Me in my 30s: *curled up into a ball*

When I first played KOTOR I thought Manaan's neutrality was ridiculous. The Sith were obviously evil, obviously not playing by the rules, obviously taking advantage of the neutrality law, obviously scheming to undermine it. Who would be foolish enough to trust them?

Meanwhile the best the Republic guys can say is to spout platitudes about how "the senators are working for the good of the galaxy!" This was absurd, I thought. But nope, KOTOR's writers got it completely right.

Anyway, back to Korriban.

I love that this droid actually acts out the "zzzzt" sound. I want to make it my ringtone.

This quest is cute. It's like a reverse HAL9000. You have to progressively shut down the droid's systems to *save* him.

Oh right, this guy. Character acting to end all character acting. This dude is like a Scooby Doo villain, except the meddling kids are Sith and us Jedi spies.

Awww yiss, it's Tower of Hanoi time.

So Yuthura's been redeemed, the Sith Academy wiped out, and now we've bolted to the Star Forge. I don't know if I'll finish the endgame tonight, but this should be fun!

One fun tidbit is that the final Star Map plays this gorgeous animation showing the path to the Star Forge system.

Malak: "Ah but you forget, Bastila, that you are in a story with *needs* and you have become nothing more than a plot device."

The Unknown World is truly beautiful. Even after all these years, it stands out.

It occurs to me that the Rakata are basically two eyed Protheans. It's interesting to see these thematic wells that Bioware kept returning to over the years.

Indeed, when I played ME1 recently I was reminded of nothing so much as KOTOR itself at points, though KOTOR did a better job visually, and its writing was, on balance, stronger.

*sniffs*

Y'all knew it was coming. And yeah, Juhani is underdeveloped in a lot of crucial ways. She has an arc, but her overriding character is "insecure." Which... relatable. But she needed more. I wish that there was followup too if Fem!Revan romanced her.

And yet... Courtenay Taylor's performance was strong, giving so much life to what was there. There was also beautiful writing at points, where Juhani acted in the irrational way we all do when confronting complex emotions. "Just let me vent my anger!" T'was good.

I never much cared for Malak as a villain, but you have to admit he gave it his all. Just peak Star Wars here.

Me, young and naive, 45 minutes ago: I'll finish the game in half an hour!

Me, older and wiser, remembering the goddamn **endless** waves of enemies on the Star Forge: That's it, I'm giving into the Dark Side. Darth Kat is born.

Alright this is it. Where destiny is made.

Also, you know that joke about hoarding healing potions/first aid kits in video games? Yeah. I've never ended a game of KOTOR without hundreds of these. I bury Malak in medpacs.

The Star Forge is no longer lorge and in chorge.

Hooray, Admiral Chakwas acknowledges my awesomeness!

Once again, this gang of space dorks is victorious. The Republic is saved.

And that's a wrap everyone. I didn't think I'd actually livetweet the whole game. To all five of you who hadn't muted me yet, thank you!