Thread by @DrChelleMD

Finally reflecting on incredible @NIMHD Health Disparities Research Institute. I learned, I felt safe, I was inspired, & I left with hope. One pearl of wisdom provided by @DrDeidraCrews on "reconsidering your relationship with failure" really resonated w/ me. THREAD.1/

Actually, every single ( incredibly accomplished) speaker discussed rejection. It seems to be one of the more reliable aspects of academic medicine. @DrDeidraCrews said that this past year she went on a journey to try and "get" as many rejections as she could. 2/

This really means she forced herself to grow, and go for things she would not necessarily go after. This is how she reconsidered her relationship w/ rejection-- and she recommended that we ( next generation of HD researchers) do the same. 3/

I actually started the process of reconsideration earlier this year & wanted to share what came of that. I'm channeling my inner @gradydoctor for this & hope you all can hang on for the ride. This is my "rejection ritual": 4 step process created as an act of self-preservation.4/

step 1. NORMALIZE. Rejection in academia is inevitable & it happens to everyone no matter how successful they are. In fact, the more successful you are, the more you probably go after big things = more chances for rejection. Sometimes it feels like it is only happening to you. 5/

Remember to SHARE your failures, not just your success. I have asked my writing accountability group if we can start sharing more of our disappointments, rejections, and let downs in order to normalize it and remind each other its really not us--its academic medicine. 6/

Step 2. FEEL WHAT YOU FEEL. It is ok to be angry, disappointed, jealous, embarrassed, & sad. Sometimes practicing gratitude for all the other blessings you have in your life feels deeply disingenuous. Especially at the moment, you find out about a failed attempt. 7/

Use a trusted friend as a sounding board- and ask them to help you name your feelings, and think about the why? For example, why is jealousy my strongest emotion?
Take a day or two or three-- eat a cookie, watch bad TV
Feel what you feel. 8/

step 3. FIND THE LESSON. We often learn more from our failures than from our success. What can you learn about yourself from this experience? Did you try your best, give yourself enough time, seek enough feedback, ask for help? 9/

Even if you did all the *right* things, remember God ( or whatever higher power you subscribe to) may need you to pick something up form this moment that will be critical to your future success. 10/

Step 4. HEALING RITUAL. A religious scholar posted a blog topic on dealing with rejection. (insidehighered.com/advice/2018/06…). She suggested that instead of just giving yourself a one-off self-care treat. A more lasting approach to dealing with rejection is to create a healing ritual.11/

She noted that in many cultures rituals are used in times of celebration, but also in times of sadness/grief/loss.
Also that a key part of the healing ritual involves cultivating compassion. You do this by thinking beyond yourself to help someone or some cause. 12/

This particular scholar liked to buy a plant & then cultivate compassion by donating to charities for tree planting etc. That is great for her, & I like the metaphor of planting/growth. But this didn't fully resonate with me. Plus, I kill plants. 13/

You know what does resonate. Shoes. That’s right. I like ok LOVE shoes. So I decided that my healing ritual will be meaningful to me and it will involve shoes. 14/

Also in my ritual, I give myself credit for putting myself out there- it takes courage to sign up for things, submit things, nominate yourself for things etc. Each time is an opportunity to fail & I wanted to acknowledge that bravery.
So here is the ritual... /15

A. I DEPOSIT.

I deposit a small amount of $ into a rejection ritual account (shout out @ally for these new buckets) every time I put myself out there & do/apply for something to advance my career. Anything that could lead to rejection=fair game: abstracts/papers/awards etc.16/

I also deposit when I actually succeed. In my system, the higher the risk, the higher the reward...grants get the most $$ followed by papers, awards, and conference abstracts. 17/

B. I WITHDRAW:

I withdraw whenever I get rejected. I use the money from my rejection ritual account to buy myself a beautiful pair of shoes. This may seem superficial to some, but it reminds me that beautiful things CAN come from struggle.18/

I also withdraw for my compassion cultivating act. For me, this involves donating to a charity to support Black girls- currently, @blackgirlscode is getting all my rejection coins. 19/

C. TRACK IT

Because I am a nerd, I track this all on a spreadsheet. Sometimes I need to put my risk-taking, wins, & losses into context. In the moment, the losses are devastating & seem frequent, but when I look at the big picture, I often have more wins than I realize. 20/

D. GRATITUDE

And after alll those steps (1-4). I CAN finally practice gratitude. Because truly, I have so many blessings.😊 21/

And the cherry on top? I wear my rejection shoes to my next big win. Because whether I like it or not, my failures help carry me as I walk in the direction of my wildest dreams. That’s so much deeper than a plant metaphor if I do say so myself. 22/

My latest beautiful rejection shoe- worn pre-pandemic as I delivered joint keynote with my shero @LisaCooperMD Thanks for letting me share-- END

@KemiDoll @DrSlaughter99 @choo_ek @gradydoctor @DxRxEdu @NatureHumBehav