Thread by @R_Denhollander

I haven't spoken much about this because this has affected me in ways I can't express.

I wait for these calls. Every single day, I am waiting. I pray through the night that I won't get them. Some nights, I'm not sure what I'll wake up to.

(Thread)

jezebel.com/daisy-colemans…

The world, at Larry's sentencing, saw women reclaim their voice. They saw a moment of triumph, and when the world left the scene of our courtroom, by and large, they felt "good". Yes, there had been a tragedy but we - viewers felt - now had justice and victory. Wasn't it over?

I saw something very different. I looked at this precious group of sisters I never thought I'd meet, and wondered if we'd find ourselves missing some of us, a few years later. And we almost have - many times - lost one of us. I saw what was coming when the moment of triumph left.

I am privileged to know survivors all over the world, and privileged to hear their stories. And what this article describes is the reality no one wants to see or know. It's the crushing weight survivors, and those who walk with, and fight for them, carry every single day.

It is almost incomprehensible to someone outside this little world. What it looks like when you aren't sure the survivor you love will be there in the morning. The waves and peaks of PTSD that seem never to end and slam a survivor against the rocky shore with no warning.

It's making the judgment call at 2 am about whether the police or an ambulance are needed, knowing that breaching that trust might mean they don't reach out to you for help again, but if you don't, they may not be here in the morning.

It's holding hands that are shaking so violently and desperately trying to push away things you can't see.

It's hearing screams for help while a survivor is so lost in a memory that you can't reach them, and grounding with them for hours, so they can fall asleep to nightmares.

It's taking drawstrings out of hoodies, and keys, and shoelaces, and medication, and anything sharp to bed with you. It's coaching a survivor to hide those objects they can't completely throw away, in a safe place where hopefully they won't find it if a moment of desperation hits

It's seeing victories the world deems small, but which represent a step so hard won, it can't even be expressed.

It's fighting insurance companies, and a horrible mental health care system, and stigma, and community cruelty.

This is why I have no patience for pastors, leaders, CEO's, ATTORNEYS, community members, ANYONE who excuses and minimizes abuse, or mishandling it, or covering it up. Because it's literally life and death.

One callous word can be all it takes for a survivor to fall of the cliff they were already on the edge of. One misstep to communicate that actually, you don't care or understand this issue like you said you did. And trust is broken, hope dashed, and desperation comes crashing in.

I am so exhausted by the head-shaking and shoulder shrugging over the treatment of women and the massive problems in our justice system. A nod to "yeah, that's bad", but no action to make it stop. No push for change. No comprehension of the damage done over, and over, and over.

I and other advocates are exhausted by requests to give our input, and then a refusal to do what is urged, or a willingness to go only half-way and frustration when half-way right, doesn't work. We're exhausted by being told "we care" when really, you only care until you disagree

This is the reality.

You can see a survivor smiling and declaring a rebuilt life, and LOSE THEM the next day.

You can cheer for their "new life" while ignoring the unspeakable destruction done to their "other" life. They shouldn't have needed a "new one".

Don't minimize abuse.

Don't minimize the attitudes and ideas that foster it.

Don't minimize mishandling it.

This is literally life and death.