Excuse me I'm going to do a tweet thread on how to recover from purity culture in evangelicalism without talking about sex at all, wish me luck.
These are 5 ways I believe you have to reframe your brain/body to set you up for sex positivity:
These are 5 ways I believe you have to reframe your brain/body to set you up for sex positivity:
1. Boundaries. We DID NOT LEARN HOW TO DRAW BOUNDARIES THIS IS A HARD LESSON FOR US EX EVANGELICALS DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE HOW HARD IT IS.
Learn what you like and don't like.
Communicating it.
Expecting it to be respected.
Learn what you like and don't like.
Communicating it.
Expecting it to be respected.
2. Pleasure. I'll just RT myself here. Practice. Practice. Practice. Take the guilt out of pleasure, please note managing your anxiety will be key to this.
3. Slippery slope. This is a fear tactic from people who want to control your imagination, curiosity, and capacity for resilience and growth.
"Going too far" means different things to different people. But you'll never know what's not ok for you if you're afraid to try.
"Going too far" means different things to different people. But you'll never know what's not ok for you if you're afraid to try.
4. PRIVACY vs. SECRECY.
Ever notice how over-sharing is a problem in evangelicalism? "Prayer request" time gets a little too personal and creepy and weird? It's b/c we didn't know the difference between privacy and secrecy.
Ever notice how over-sharing is a problem in evangelicalism? "Prayer request" time gets a little too personal and creepy and weird? It's b/c we didn't know the difference between privacy and secrecy.
Often we believed whatever is private must be SINFUL so we keep private feelings a secret while wallowing in shame.
And then we're compelled to "confess" those sins and then we overshare, not understanding some things can stay private and still be good and whole.
And then we're compelled to "confess" those sins and then we overshare, not understanding some things can stay private and still be good and whole.
5. Black/White thinking vs. NUANCE. Dismantle fundamentalism and having the courage to negotiate, compromise, and accept complexity is critical to healthy reframe of everything, including sexuality.
These are all huge hurdles for those who grew up in evangelical/purity culture. I don't say it to discourage you but to not underestimate the holistic work that needs to happen. But recovery is possible, healing is within reach, and liberation awaits.
And go.
And go.
