The patient falls silent, and seems to be thinking. I say nothing, and quieten my mind.
The urge to ask again and redirect is strong.
I don’t.
The clock ticks.
The appointment is running late.
This will cascade through the rest of my day.
It’s okay. 1/
Not every silence ends in revelation. But this one did, and I would’ve easily missed it.
We call them the “patient.”
Patience is expected of them, in their suffering.
But us? 2/
The name comes from the Mohawk word, “skahnéhtati,” meaning “beyond the pines.”
Our house was on the edge of a forest reserve.
My dreams extended beyond the pines, and into the wild. 3/
It was in this house that I would graduate from high school and college, before finally moving away.
And it was in this house that I would learn one of the most important lessons of my life. 4/
The door clicked shut behind us, and we didn’t realize it locked automatically.
We were locked out.
A locksmith was called in.
He arrived with all his tools. 5/
He must’ve noticed me watching, because he smiled, “Kid. If you want, I’ll teach you a lesson today. Just pay attention, don’t say a word.”
I nodded. 6/
I wondered what the lesson was, and the urge to ask him was almost overwhelming.
But I held my tongue, like he’d asked.
The minutes stretched interminably.
Finally, a *click* and the door swung open. 7/
Then he looked right at me.
“Here’s the lesson kid. Patience isn’t a virtue. It’s a learned skill.”
I let those words sink in. 8/
Being patient doesn’t mean losing all track of time.
Being patient means understanding the value of spending time wisely, and knowing that sometimes there’s great worth in simply being still. 9/
I review the lab results on a patient I’m seeing- auto-correcting hyponatremia.
The text comes from the hospitalist: “What do you want to do different?”
My answer: “Nothing.”
Patience. 10/
I nod, “I think we all are. The ones who made it.”
He looks at me, “You know, another COVID surge is coming right? We can’t see it, but it’s beyond the horizon.” 11/
He quirks a brow.
I shake my head. “Nothing. All we can do is be patient.”
“Hopefully the survival rate keeps going up.” He’s talking about mortality.
But I remember.
You don’t have to die, to die...
I don’t tell him that.