In the midst of this challenge, who do you choose to be?
Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist who survived a Nazi death camp wrote, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
2/ When you start thought-blaming, there’s not enough space between stimulus and response, in Viktor Frankl’s terms, for you to exercise real choice.
3/ How do you react to difficult moments?
Do you rely on autopilot responses, saying something sarcastic, shutting down and avoiding your feelings, procrastinating, or walking away?
4/ Or are you able to unhook and step out of that difficult situation to observe your emotions without judgment?
5/ What stories do you tell yourself?
Factual observations can slip into the realm of opinion, leaving us hooked.
6/ The dubious, not-always-accurate stories we tell ourselves create a conflict between the world these stories describe and the world we want to live in—the world where we could truly thrive.
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Feelings are not facts. You don't need to believe them.
Are they valid? Yes. They are a core part of our experience of the world.
- Should we honor them with compassion? Yes.
- Should they be heard? Yes.
- Do they signpost things we care about? Yes.
Are they facts? No.
*Choosing* to believe a feeling, is not the same as automatically believing it.
I trust my best friend. Can I honor her, love her? Yes.
- Is everything she says a fact? No.
- Do I believe *everything* she says. No, she could be wrong.
- Do I obey everything she says? No.
I may have any number of feelings: that I'm unlovable, guilt that I'm a bad parent, or similar.
Is that feeling a "fact"? Do I *have* to believe the feeling?
- Am I unlovable. NO.
- Am I a bad parent? NO.
A long history of "feminizing" emotion - the notion that emotional capabilities and emotionality are more female than male - has devastating consequences.
One is the suppression of NORMAL yet supposedly "undesirable" emotions by gender and associated mental health costs.
Another is the societal devaluing of the "care" professions especially when those professions intersect with gender bias - like therapy and social work.
The crisis in available care and the underpayment of those who provide it, should be deeply concerning to all.
Another, is the view by many organizations & education systems that the emotional skills that are *essential* to wellbeing and adaptability - and will become more so in an increasingly complex, automated world - are "soft skills."
A leader is someone who instead invites, “trust my compass.”
1/5
It's tempting to present solutions and strategies as if they are defined and incontrovertible.
Yet, the truth is leaders cannot know the answers.
The world - technology, politics, and markets - is constantly changing. There are simply too many variables for a "map."
2/5
Leading from a "map" is a frequent organizational expectation. This is inhumane.
It places extraordinary pass/fail pressure on the leader; it demands teams act in particular ways "or else"; it denies the truth: the future is complex and outcomes are impossible to predict.
3/5