What COVID-19 has taught us about the Zombie Pandemic:
1) There will be Zombie Parties so you can catch the virus and acquire herd immunity faster.
1) There will be Zombie Parties so you can catch the virus and acquire herd immunity faster.
What COVID-19 has taught us about the Zombie Pandemic:
2) Facebook bots will gaslight your ranty uncle and explain that it's a conspiracy to get you to willingly be uplifted by black helicopters for relocation into the concentration camps FEMA has prepared for you.
2) Facebook bots will gaslight your ranty uncle and explain that it's a conspiracy to get you to willingly be uplifted by black helicopters for relocation into the concentration camps FEMA has prepared for you.
What COVID-19 has taught us about the Zombie Pandemic:
3) Televangelist grifters will offer to sell you magic UV lamps that kill zombies/a can of bleach to spray up your ass to make you unpalatable/guaranteed salvation if you're bitten.
3) Televangelist grifters will offer to sell you magic UV lamps that kill zombies/a can of bleach to spray up your ass to make you unpalatable/guaranteed salvation if you're bitten.
What COVID-19 has taught us about the Zombie Pandemic:
4) The current US president will say zombies are a liberal hoax and pay no attention to Jared biting Ivanka in the background (it's just foreplay) and he's off to play golf now.
4) The current US president will say zombies are a liberal hoax and pay no attention to Jared biting Ivanka in the background (it's just foreplay) and he's off to play golf now.
What COVID-19 has taught us about the Zombie Pandemic:
5) The current UK's Prime Minister will blame the European Commission's intransigence for the zombies, then mumble something that sounds Churchillian and vanish on holiday for a fortnight (somewhere secure).
5) The current UK's Prime Minister will blame the European Commission's intransigence for the zombies, then mumble something that sounds Churchillian and vanish on holiday for a fortnight (somewhere secure).
6) The PM will delegate Z-pandemic management to Matt Hancock and Priti Patel.
Hancock: … (tries to look professional for the camera)
Patel: tough on zombies, tough on the cause of zombies (immigrants). Did I say "immigrants" enough? I meant immigrants! (Not like me.)
Hancock: … (tries to look professional for the camera)
Patel: tough on zombies, tough on the cause of zombies (immigrants). Did I say "immigrants" enough? I meant immigrants! (Not like me.)
7) Dom Cummings, speaking for the PM in his secure location, will emit an impassioned blog rant about libertarian paternalism and empowering the workforce by harnessing the potential of Z-virions, then will award a no-bid contract for zombie clubbing to McKinsey or DeLoitte.
8) DeLoitte will hire Serco to implement best zombie clubbing protocols at regional level and Serco will subcontract the job to Jacob Rees-Mogg's hedge fund, who will hire an unemployed agricultural gang boss to round up a crowd of zombies and hand them all baseball bats.
9) We will then experience all the joys of a second pandemic wave of zombies armed with baseball bats.
