we often discuss the technical skills that you need to get a job – but ignore the soft skills that often play a much more impactful role than we care to admit.
this influenced me to write about quality conversations: how to have intro calls that don't suck...[a thread]
this influenced me to write about quality conversations: how to have intro calls that don't suck...[a thread]
1/ conversing is a skill that permeates every other aspect of our lives, and an intro convo is your first introduction to someone else.
a wise man told me that conversations have two parties. It’s worth repeating that 5 to 10 times over – conversations have two parties.
a wise man told me that conversations have two parties. It’s worth repeating that 5 to 10 times over – conversations have two parties.
2/ everyone you talk to has people they care about outside of work, a certain way they brush their teeth, a favorite book, a song they can’t resist dancing to, and some hard experiences they’ve lived through...but we often ignore our shared humanity in greeting
3/ yes, we are investors, pms, engineers, students – but remember to remove your degrees/professions at the door while greeting someone else. They’ll be there if you want to run back and grab them for later conversation, but we’re human first. treat your conversations accordingly
4/ so before an intro call – do some research on the person you’re talking to. compile a list of things that you admire about them. use these as talking points.
really obscure references, things they did yrs ago are the most intriguing to ask about & show you did your research
really obscure references, things they did yrs ago are the most intriguing to ask about & show you did your research
5/ right before, take a minute to ground yourself. a friend of mine suggested humming to warm up your vocal cords, and I also find it calming. reflect on what you’d like to achieve from your call, whether that’s learning more about someone who you admire or seeking advice.
6/ as the call starts, thank the person on the other side for making time for you. starting off with an acknowledgement sets the tone that you believe their time is valuable. after this, some small talk about where they’re calling from, the weather etc. don't jump right into ?s
7/ frame the conversation. in Priya Parker's The Art of Gathering, she talks about how establishing explicit “rules” for gatherings helps everything else be more freeform. here's an example of how I do this: 
8/ while they explain their background, write down key words they mention & any questions you might have.
feel free to ask clarifying questions at this point, but leave denser questions until after your intro. the context of your intro will help them shape specific answers
feel free to ask clarifying questions at this point, but leave denser questions until after your intro. the context of your intro will help them shape specific answers
9/ give them a bit of background on you. i find picking a common thread or personality trait serves two purposes: it gives them a key word to focus on and shapes your narrative. for me, that thread is curiosity.
10/ after your intros are made, now you get to ask those denser questions you had written down! you might drill down into what their day-to-day looks like, how it’s changed over the years in different positions, difficult decisions they’ve made over the years.
11/ let the conversation flow naturally, and don’t be afraid to sit in silence for a bit.
the absence of words is also part of conversation.
the absence of words is also part of conversation.
12/ practice active listening when they answer a question: repeat a bit of what they said, and then use it to segue into a deeper question on what they said specifically or a horizontally related question. the transitions keep you from sounding like you’re reading from a script!
13/ believe me – before I got lots of practice, I got accused of reading from a script – my face was beet red and i was mortified!
everyone has a different way of conversing, so find questions that resonate with you if the conversation comes to a lull. examples:
everyone has a different way of conversing, so find questions that resonate with you if the conversation comes to a lull. examples:
14/ from my favorite frank ocean song, futura free:
what’s your first memory?
what’s the most amazing thing you’ve ever witnessed?
what three superpowers do you wish you had?
do you have any secret talents?
what’s your first memory?
what’s the most amazing thing you’ve ever witnessed?
what three superpowers do you wish you had?
do you have any secret talents?
15/ from @LennyIce's open-ended questions:
how do you measure how you are successful?
in which are of life do you feel you have the best taste?
how do you measure how you are successful?
in which are of life do you feel you have the best taste?
16/ from the wonderful @minney_cat's quality conversations notion:
what are you really good at, but never want to do again?
what’s a critical piece of feedback you’ve received that was really difficult to hear?
a big sacrifice you have made in your life that’s been worth it?
what are you really good at, but never want to do again?
what’s a critical piece of feedback you’ve received that was really difficult to hear?
a big sacrifice you have made in your life that’s been worth it?
17/ from my personal collection:
i think we all change each others’ paths. who has changed your life path significantly and why?
did you ever take a “detour” in life? if so, how did it inform your choices afterwards?
can you describe your favorite homeade meal?
i think we all change each others’ paths. who has changed your life path significantly and why?
did you ever take a “detour” in life? if so, how did it inform your choices afterwards?
can you describe your favorite homeade meal?
18/ as the conversations wraps up, thank the person again for their time, repeat a couple of info nuggets you learned, and state any followups you may have.
ALWAYS!! ALWAYS!! send a thank you email/DM after your call🙂 I try to draft them in the ten minutes after a call.
ALWAYS!! ALWAYS!! send a thank you email/DM after your call🙂 I try to draft them in the ten minutes after a call.
19/ i hope this was helpful to give you a framework for intro conversations. remember, you'll get better with practice :) my full piece on quality conversations lives here as well:
