KONG FAMILY RANKINGS, IN FURTHER DETAIL:
12)
Kiddy Kong
I should cut him some slack because he's a baby but I am 100% not going to cut him any slack. He plays just like DK (the most boring Kong to play as) except he's also a baby. I wish he wasn't real
12)
Kiddy Kong
I should cut him some slack because he's a baby but I am 100% not going to cut him any slack. He plays just like DK (the most boring Kong to play as) except he's also a baby. I wish he wasn't real
11) WRINKLY KONG
A grandma character. I'm not mad at her but her whole deal is that she's a grandma. I do like that she dies and becomes a ghost. She's in one of the racing games. I appreciate the knowledge that a Kong can die
A grandma character. I'm not mad at her but her whole deal is that she's a grandma. I do like that she dies and becomes a ghost. She's in one of the racing games. I appreciate the knowledge that a Kong can die
10) CHUNKY KONG
no thanks
no thanks
9) TINY KONG
i do not forgive her for "replacing" Dixie in DK64. dixie should have been in DK64 instead of Tiny. and then they aged her up for the Diddy Kong Racing remake? and made her a hippie i guess? and Dixie stayed the same size? but Tiny is younger? what's the deal here.
i do not forgive her for "replacing" Dixie in DK64. dixie should have been in DK64 instead of Tiny. and then they aged her up for the Diddy Kong Racing remake? and made her a hippie i guess? and Dixie stayed the same size? but Tiny is younger? what's the deal here.
8) CANDY KONG
look. i love hot characters. if you show me a sexy character i will say "Yep, I love it." but Candy feels insulting to me somehow. Candy, to me, is the same as all the other horny 90s characters like Crash Bandicoot's girlfriend or whatever. that's fine i guess
look. i love hot characters. if you show me a sexy character i will say "Yep, I love it." but Candy feels insulting to me somehow. Candy, to me, is the same as all the other horny 90s characters like Crash Bandicoot's girlfriend or whatever. that's fine i guess
7) SWANKY KONG
honestly i fucking love this guy. i love "used car salesman donkey kong." they should bring him back and let him do more stuff. it's funny that he hosted minigames but let's see him play golf with Wario or something. let's give him a Soprano's style show
honestly i fucking love this guy. i love "used car salesman donkey kong." they should bring him back and let him do more stuff. it's funny that he hosted minigames but let's see him play golf with Wario or something. let's give him a Soprano's style show
6) DIDDY KONG
Low ranking for Diddy I know. i'm being Controversial. He's good. He's reliable. He is the "Robin" to Donkey Kong's "batman" though and that hinders him. i like that he can play guitar and fly a jetpack. great "Nintendo" hat. he's really good there's just better.
Low ranking for Diddy I know. i'm being Controversial. He's good. He's reliable. He is the "Robin" to Donkey Kong's "batman" though and that hinders him. i like that he can play guitar and fly a jetpack. great "Nintendo" hat. he's really good there's just better.
5) LANKY KONG
Insane Kong idea. He scares me. He genuinely, earnestly scares me. I feel like he's going to trip and fall and land on a wooden plank that ricochets a knife directly into my heart. Lanky Kong is going to kill me and we Stan him for it
Insane Kong idea. He scares me. He genuinely, earnestly scares me. I feel like he's going to trip and fall and land on a wooden plank that ricochets a knife directly into my heart. Lanky Kong is going to kill me and we Stan him for it
4) DONKEY KONG
This guy's a true classic. His whole character is basically just "gorilla" but it works. He likes bananas. He has a family. Likes to go-kart and play tennis or whatever. Listen there's real power in minimalism. Extra points for a fantastic tie
This guy's a true classic. His whole character is basically just "gorilla" but it works. He likes bananas. He has a family. Likes to go-kart and play tennis or whatever. Listen there's real power in minimalism. Extra points for a fantastic tie
3) CRANKY KONG
According to bullshit he's technically "the original Donkey Kong" and DK is "Jr" but all grown up. I don't care about that. I think it's funny that a British company fucked up the whole Mario timeline. They also mention a "Great Ape War" in the instruction manual.
According to bullshit he's technically "the original Donkey Kong" and DK is "Jr" but all grown up. I don't care about that. I think it's funny that a British company fucked up the whole Mario timeline. They also mention a "Great Ape War" in the instruction manual.
2) FUNKY KONG
really obvious choice. top-tier Kong in a lot of ways. he 100% definitely has a LOT of sex. he's the Boomhauer of the Kongs. he takes Diddy to the porno store, buys him weed, etc. On September 6 2023 Funky Kong is going to be Me Too'd
really obvious choice. top-tier Kong in a lot of ways. he 100% definitely has a LOT of sex. he's the Boomhauer of the Kongs. he takes Diddy to the porno store, buys him weed, etc. On September 6 2023 Funky Kong is going to be Me Too'd
1) DIXIE KONG
She can spin her ponytail to hover and that's fun to play as. She outshines Diddy in his game & then gets her own game. Dixie is chill and collected. You can tell she can get shit done. Easily the best Kong and I'm not going to accept any debate here. She's strong
She can spin her ponytail to hover and that's fun to play as. She outshines Diddy in his game & then gets her own game. Dixie is chill and collected. You can tell she can get shit done. Easily the best Kong and I'm not going to accept any debate here. She's strong
