My personal, practical take on #grief, 7 weeks on from the sudden death of my wife and best mate @kimberleystjohn.
A thread.
1/n
#BeMoreKim
A thread.
1/n
#BeMoreKim
Sadness, confusion, euphoria, depression, numbness, etc. These were ALL present from the beginning, but they were jumbled up into a cacophonous mess. Now, my sadness is far "purer" - I can connect to and hold onto it more easily.
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My early “shock” did NOT mean I wasn’t able to understand that Kim had died.
It meant that I wasn’t able to readily connect with my grief, but I was wholly aware that it was there.
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It meant that I wasn’t able to readily connect with my grief, but I was wholly aware that it was there.
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I have felt NO guilt about the calm moments since she died. I have no doubt about how much I love her - we were fortunate enough to tell each other sincerely and often. Any respite from my grief is Kim's gift to me, allowing me a brief moment to breathe.
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For me, strength can always overpower grief when it comes to basic function. I've been lucky in that I've still been able to eat, sleep, and exercise. I know that Kim would be disappointed if I didn't.
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Family and friends are everything. Grief is hard, but it would be so much harder without them. A spontaneous text, call or knock at the door has dragged me out of my darkest moments.
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The "darkest" moments are unfamiliar but quantifiable - we are human, after all. That said, I'm in awe of the intensity of what the mind is capable of creating. Grief is powerful.
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I have been baffled by the profound kindness of long lost acquaintances and complete strangers. Perhaps, openness in grief has offered these people an opportunity to do so.
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There is always brightness following a dark moment. Some moments are longer than others, but I always come out the other side. Sometimes I wait it out, sometimes someone drags me out.
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Kim's death is the tragedy - not the grief. Grief is now my companion leading me through the darkness that follows. If I embrace it, perhaps I'm one step closer to understanding what it truly means to live. I know that Kim would be proud of me if I did.
10/10
10/10
