Philip Mott Profile picture
Aug 31, 2020 15 tweets 2 min read Read on X
If we want to reduce the level of anxiety parents feel about child benchmarks we may want to shift from a "learn xyz by age lmnop" to "age lmnop could be a great time to explore xyz."

I seriously feel less anxious just typing it.
This problem isn’t just in one area. Pediatricians implant this anxiety a little. Then seeing your brother’s child walk earlier causes more.
Then aunts and uncles imply worry when they ask, “are they doing blank yet?!”
A well-meaning parent sees your rant about behaviors and provides unsolicited advice about how to “nip it in the bud,” further implying any worry about timelines is justified.
Preschool admissions letters or a lack of slot availability increase the urgency of getting kids to a certain point by a certain age.
The thing is, most of the time, there’s nothing wrong with introducing kids to lots of activities. It’s when we feel it’s urgent that so many justify treating the kids with contempt unless they comply - that’s where the problems start.
All we would really be doing is admitting we don’t know what each individual is capable just by looking at their age.

If you’re new to this idea, we call it ageism, treating someone differently because of assumptions based on age.
Of course some could argue parents need to simply be less anxious.

That’s not helpful.

We are doing our best.
One really painful outcome of this obsession with benchmarks is that it incentivizes adults to come up with explanations as to why a child has not met a benchmark, exonerating the adults who are being scrutinized for the failure.
Those explanations become the frameworks for lumping students together in groups of different abilities. These groups get a different set of benchmarks, and because kids are already compared as individuals, the individuals start to compare their group to other groups.
Each of these benchmarks create “finish lines” in the pre-adult rat race. As I’ve said elsewhere, one way to end the race, is to take away the finish line.

Can there be an achievement gap when no one is in the “lead?”
Pay close attention to the way achievement is talked about. “She graduated at the top of her class!”

But what if none of the other students there cared about the class work?
We’re putting students at competition with each other. They’re incentivized, not to become ready for the world, but to beat their colleagues.

Aren’t there better ways to attempt to measure preparedness?
One assumption I’ve made here is that we all agree parents treat their kids better when they’re less anxious. Is it too much to assume we would agree that parents treating kids better would be good for everyone?

Or is that a stretch?
I know some, or many, might chime in to say, “kids already have it too good.”

I won’t spend a single moment trying to convince them anything I’ve said here. They can fuck off.

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More from @PhilipMott1

Dec 10, 2021
New read for me. A highly regarded book within self-directed circles. Looking forward to highlighting a few pieces from it.

#readwithphilip
If you’ve read this already I hope you’ll share some of your favorite insights from the book. Were there any aha moments for you?
I question a lot more than I used to why I’m inclined to trust some authors over others. I’m learning more how to question my biases along the way instead of assuming they are true.
Read 40 tweets
Sep 7, 2020
Finally cracking this one open today. It is time. Image
I’ll likely share quotes from this book as I get through it. I wonder if it would be better to share in a single thread or would they better stand on their own?
It's worth looking at a few reviews for context. I want to document a few scathing reviews first.

goodreads.com/book/show/1584…
Read 48 tweets
Aug 20, 2020
Before you decide the best way to pour liquid from one vessel to another first ask yourself, "Do I absolutely need to do this?"

"is there risk of causing damage to the vessel?"

"Will all the liquid fit?"

"Is the vessel leaky?"

vessel=student
liquid=instruction
I want to clarify this metaphor because I wrote it poorly. The key I was focusing on is, "is this absolutely necessary?"

Using sharp utensils and traffic safety are absolutely necessary. I need to be able to pass down at least some of my instruction on such topics.
Adults, in my experience, have a habit of looking at *everything* we want kids to do is absolutely necessary. I wanted to challenge that.

There are many instances where not only is my instruction unnecessary but it's actually damaging.
Read 4 tweets
Aug 17, 2020
"Ready for primary education" is an overused phrase.

We don't need to get kids ready for us. We need to be ready for them.

And of course, none of us are ever ready!
Implying students need to come ready to learn betrays a subtle yet powerful belief: Learning isn't natural; learning is done through teaching.
And why aren't students asked about their readiness, especially when it comes to the use of manipulative tactics like grades, bribes, and punishments?

Seems like someone should've approached me at 5 and said, "Are you ready for school?"
Read 6 tweets
Aug 16, 2020
Successful company to customer: “what problem are you having and can our product or service help solve it?”

Successful educator to student: “what problem are you having and can any of my instruction or advice help solve it?”
Close friend to another friend: “what problem are you having and is there any way I can help?”

Caring parent to child: “what problem are you having and is there anything I can do to help?”
Enemy to anyone: “that’s not your problem; THIS is your problem and you better fix it or you’re a failure.”
Read 7 tweets
Aug 5, 2020
Out of his decades of counseling experience William Glasser in 1998 wrote, “The vast majority of family unhappiness is the result of well-intentioned parents trying to make children do what they don’t want to do. And in search of freedom, children, resist their parents efforts.”
He goes on to emphasize a key principle or axiom of his approach to counseling:

We can not control the behavior of another person, even a child; the only thing we can do is give them information.
If he was right, then it begs us to ask ourselves, “what information is my behavior communicating to my child?”

What is criticism, nagging, bribes, and punishments communicating?

What if the information is, “I don’t like you the way you are?”
Read 5 tweets

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