I was gonna be quiet on this whole #JessicaKrug thing but I'm hot! Aight, so, boom, a thread on my "friendship" with her.
Me and Jess met in 2007 as fellows with SSRC under the theme Black Atlantic. When we met I thought she was a white woman. But she went HARD for Black folks. Her identity as a Black woman hadn't begun.
We were friends from about 2007-2010ish. She hung out with me and my now ex-husband and told us her father was Tuareg from N. Africa. My ex, who'd lived and traveled extensively through Africa began asking questions that we never got satisfactory answers for.
We still talk and laugh about that to this day.
Over the years she would visit NYC and we would hang out, working on our dissertations together and kickin' it. This is when the story of a Puerto Rican grandfather began to come out. All of a sudden she started dotting conversations with her love and knowledge +
of Puerto Rican culture. And questioning ME why I didn't know certain things. I'm not Latina so that's not my lane. She'd also drop bits of stories about her Puerto Rican heritage.
As she started claiming more and more that she was Black I didn't quite buy it but I honestly didn't know what to do with it. And I felt weird questioning it because, at the time, who lies about being Black. This was WAY before that Doezal chick.
Often times she would point to her difficult childhood to question my middle-class Black upbringing. To the point that she asked if I needed her to come pick me up at the train station in case I didn't feel comfortable walking in Spanish Harlem by myself at night.
Y'all, I grew up in Spanish Harlem cuz my grandfather lived a few blocks away from her new apartment. I grew up Black in NYC in the 80s. WTF!
I remember she always referred to herself as mulatta which I thought was weird. One time she said "when my hair is wet I look like any other light skin mulatta" to which I cackled and said, "no you don't. You look like a white woman with wet hair." This was before+
she dyed her hair dark. Before it was a dusty blonde.
So many times she accused me of not being Black enough in terms of politics. She was hardcore and woker-than-thou with it. Always thought she was harder (and therefore somehow Blacker) than me, knew more about the struggle than me. Me!
She and I had a falling out over something small but the way she came at me sealed it for me that she had issues. Throughout our "friendship" I held space for her. Comforted her when she went through some dark times. Confided in her when I went through mine.
She accused me of using the word sister and not realizing that sister is a verb. She attacked me for not being able to show up as often as she needed whenever she needed even though I did my best to be a good friend.
But the real thing I wanna say is this: No one, or at least I didn't, "look" at her and accept unquestionably that she was Black. She went HAAARRRDDD to portray an identity and politic that aligned with the anti-racist work we were all doing. Don't get it twisted.
We hadn't been friends for a long time when the Rachel Doezal thing came out and I was glad cuz THAT would have been an explosive conversation.
I was glad our friendship was long over by then and I didn't have to deal with the emotional fallout of what would have been a shit show.
But I held space for her and even let her into my sacred circle all on a lie. I escaped the brunt of what's coming out now and I am sending love to all those who've been impacted.
Maferefun Oya for ripping the mask off. 2020 has been Yansa's year boy.
Fin
One more thing to add: the ENTIRE time every time I hung out with her I'd always talk to my ex about how her Black identity felt weird to me. Like I couldn't get a grasp on her story. But I'd never come across someone who lied so extensively about her background. Lesson learned
Just double-checked my email history and the friendship was between 2007-2013.
